


All You Sinners Stand Up

by DominikaDecember



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-05-01 04:13:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 73,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5191709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DominikaDecember/pseuds/DominikaDecember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendan Brady never crossed paths with Ste Hay. He never needed to and he never wanted to. But the moment they do, the universe makes up for lost time. Another fic. Yup. Not kind to any of the characters. More M than my last fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Life Started The Day I Got Caught

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, I am trying to start something even though I have two WIP. I'm sorry. And I don't know if this will go anywhere but here it is. Unbeta'd.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own HO. I thank fuck I don't.

“Brendan!” Mitzeee screeched. “Hold the bloody second!” He sighed and turned to look at her. It was a fairly comical sight watching the small brunette run in her seven inch heels. She finally reached him and fanned herself multiple times, gasping for some breath, a small layer of sweat forming on her skin. “D’you want me to break me ankle or somethin’?” 

“Anne, I’m not in the mood.” He growled. 

“Yer never in the bloomin’ mood yet somehow I always get what I want. I’ve got news and you will better shut your mouth and listen to me.” Brendan huffed but he crossed his arms and eyed the small woman silently. “I’m gonna be in Vogue.” Brendan blinked at her a couple of times until she slammed his chest hard enough for him to stumble backwards. “Congratulate me, yah nitwit!” 

“Congrats. Why does this affect me?” Mitzeee shrugged. 

“I just thought you’d be interested in the fact that I suggested your ridiculous club as my venue."

“What do I care?"

“Ugh, you’re a menace. I’m giving you some good news and you are utterly unimpressed. I swear. This friendship is wasted on you.” She strutted ahead of him. Brendan groaned but followed his best friend. “I heard yer Eileen is sticking her nose around the village again. She better not be trying to take the boys away again. I will cut that slag.” Brendan shook his head.

“Think she wants our marriage to work again.” He murmured earning a snort from the brunette. 

“She’s bloody mental, she is. How’s Cheryl doing?” Brendan didn’t reply. He just stared at his shoes. “Tell her I miss her, alright? I’d pop in but with the shoot I’d just be too busy."

“Sure.” He let her lie to him. It was obvious Mitzeee wasn’t comfortable with the younger Brady anymore but Brendan wasn’t keen on being near his sister himself so he didn’t really have a right to judge. 

“D’you want to get a drink tonight? I’m feeling a bit bored lately."

“I can’t. I’m going to do interviews for the club, right now. New hires, innit."

“Ooh! Let me come! I would be such a good interviewer person.” She grinned at him and put her hand through his. “We would be such a good power couple, you know. Everyone’d be jealous. I mean, they already are because look at me but you could get some attention too.” Brendan unhooked his hand from her grip and looked at his club. 

“I only like my children and this club, Anne.” He looked down at her. “You are not getting anywhere near it.” He debated it for a second. “But you can have your shoot there. It’ll be your birthday present.” 

“You are buying me those shoes you promised.” She immediately jumped in. “Do not think for one second that you are getting out of that, Brendan.” She kissed his cheek quickly. “I’ve got to meet that witch Nancy. She wants to know who I am now that Vogue is calling me. Don’t scare the new employees too much, Irish.” She patted his arm and run off on her heels towards the college cafe. It was the only coffee shop in the village and run by Tony Hutchinson who employed college students because they were cheaper to hire. 

Brendan stared after Mitzeee until she disappeared into the building. He had a habit of doing that now. 

The Irishman took a deep breath and walked into his club. It was dark which meant Jacqui McQueen wasn’t in yet. She was the club’s assistant manager and even though her personal life was an absolute wreck, her professional one was actually pretty amazing. She always turned up on time, made sure the club was clean and empty at the end of the night, never took shit from anyone, flirted when it was useful and basically helped Brendan keep the club running.

So he really wanted her at the interviews but she did say she might not be able to make it because of Mercedes being insane again. 

Brendan poured himself a scotch before he walked into the office. His phone buzzed with a message from Declan. 

_'Mas asking paddy if he’s been eating veggies & he threw a broccoli @ her #parentsbeware’_

He huffed a laugh at that. Declan wasn’t really a huge fan of Eileen’s anymore since the divorce but Paddy never got along with his mother. Even in the womb, Paddy kicked to get away from her as soon as possible. Brendan looked around the dark room. The interviewees would start coming soon hopefully. He got three CVs that seemed competent out of ten but he figured everyone could have a shot. 

He got his shot thanks to dealing coke for Danny Houston. Getting out of that business was difficult and it involved a shit load of police.

“Mr Brady?” A small blonde knocked on his door, smiling shyly. “I’m here for me interview.” Brendan stood up and smiled at her tightly. “I figured I’d get an early start."

“Sure.” He searched for her name in his memory pointing at the chair in front of him. “Sorry, your name’s escaping me."

“Rae Wilson.” She said confidently and sat in the chair. Brendan found her CV on top. “I actually was wondering if I could apply for the position of the DJ instead of bar staff. I’ve got a lot more experience there and I’m a music student at college. I’ve got references if you need that.” Brendan looked over the large print. There wasn’t a lot on there. She seemed pretty young as well. 

“Sorry, Rae.” He smiled again. “I’m looking for bar staff not a DJ so if you’ve come for that, you can leave straight away.” The girl deflated immediately putting on a glare.

“Don’t you even want to listen to my work? I could be great and you’d just be giving up an opportunity.” He touched his forehead, lightly annoyed by the girl’s attitude.

“You could. Keep on believing that. But I’m not going to hire ya.” He passed the CV back to her. “Thanks for coming in.” She stared at him with wide eyes and a disbelief written on her face, not moving, so he stood up again and opened the door for her. She stormed out of the office but stopped next to a boy who was sitting on a bar stool. In fact, there were a few people mulling around. Brendan sighed and pointed at the man closest to him. “In.” He was starting to get a headache already.

“Ashworth, right?” The man hummed in agreement as he closed the door and sat down in the chair. “You’ve got experience working before in the Dog. A club is different than a pub. It’s louder, you need to be quicker as well.” 

“Yeah. I’m really good with that. Don’t mind being pushed to the limits.” The man seemed eager to agree with Brendan’s every word.

“I’m gonna cut this short because I’m getting bored already. Why do you want this job? Don’t give me any bullshit like wanting to try something different.” Rhys dropped his eager attitude immediately and folded himself in his seat.

“The pay is really good."

“No it ain’t."

“It’s better than my current job. And Jacqui.” He murmured. “I’d like to work with her if she would let me."

“You trying to pull that? A McQueen ain’t that difficult.” Brendan said wanting to get a reaction from the man. He cared about Jacqui but if the guy wanted to stalk her, Brendan would knock him out. Rhys frowned at that.

“I’m not.” He said quietly but with defiance lingering in his tone. “I just think she’s alright.” Brendan smirked. 

“Fine, you’re hired. Start tomorrow at six. Now get out and sent someone else in.” He closed his eyes and sipped his scotch. He wouldn’t last very long at this rate. Another young blonde walked in. Theresa McQueen. She flirted and smiled but Brendan knew the girl was still sixteen. He got out a firm ‘ _No_ ’ before she even talked about the job. She sulked as she walked out, her heels making too much noise and giving him a headache. Next was Ash. She was annoying but she knew her way around a bar. After that it was Joel Dexter. Warren Fox’s long lost son. He was hired off the bat purely to piss Foxy off. Theresa was standing outside the door waiting to hear if the next prey she set her eyes on was hired and squealed in happiness as he walked out. 

Brendan hired Kevin Sacre, a small blonde lad who was annoying but had good references. He hired Doug Carter, an American who dealt for him in the past but now couldn’t get work anywhere because of his drug scandal. Brendan felt sorry for him. But the rest he turned away. None had enough experience, had a bad attitude and seemed to fear him. He wanted employees who would do their job well even if they were shaking in their boots, not ones that would piss themselves the moment he raised his voice.

His glass was empty by the time he finished and walked out of the office feeling glad that he could go home. The club was closed on Monday nights thankfully. 

However when he stepped out of his office, the boy, the first blonde’s friend was still there. Brendan eyed him wearily. The boy was scrawny and bruised up, his dirty blonde hair brushed to the side hiding half his face, his eyes vividly blue and lips plush like pillows. Not that Brendan paid attention to any of that. He paid attention to the young boy’s glare.

“You need something?"

“Nowt.” The boy spoke with a thick Manc accent. “Just here for me interview.” Brendan tilted his head to the side, watching him and trying to recall who he was. “Name’s Ste. Hay.” The boy stood up and he was surprisingly not that much shorter than Brendan. The Irishman’s brain triggered something. The Hay boy. Brendan never crossed paths with him, he was council trash but worked at Tony’s cafe. He also had two kids and an ex he liked to use as punching bag. 

Brendan never gave the boy a thought.

“All positions are taken, Ste. Why don’t you scurry along now?” Ste crossed his arms.

“You’ve upset Rae.” He said simply. “I’m not going anywhere till you apologise."

“She your bird?” Brendan smirked. “Bit of an easy lass, ain’t she?” The punch came quick and didn’t even inflict him much. He stumbled backwards purely because of the shock. He didn’t expect the young boy to lash out. Ste was breathing heavily through his mouth and had a furious expression on his face.

“You don’t say that, yeah! You’ve no fucking right to judge me or Rae!” He screamed in Brendan’s face, the Irishman too stunned to do anything. “You’re just an a rich knobhead who thinks high of himself. But you know what, Brady?"

“I’m sure you’re going to enlighten me.” He murmured unimpressed.

“Everyone in this village knows what you are!” Ste spat still too close for comfort. “Just a drug dealer with no drugs since you sent Danny Houston to jail. A fucking narc s’what you are!” Brendan felt his fists ball up but he wouldn’t hit the boy. With a history of a council rat, he’d probably use it to blackmail Brendan or something. “You’re no better than any of us, Brady!” Ste pushed him back and Brendan again let him for some reason, before the young boy stormed down the stairs and there was an echo of the door being slammed closed downstairs.

The Irishman stared at the spot where Ste was standing just a moment ago confused as to what just happened.


	2. A Regular Decorated Emergency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY!!!! People are reading this story on here and not just on FF. That makes me really happy. Thank you for the kudos and the views. You're all magical.
> 
> Also, all the legal and medical jargon in here is completely fabricated because I have no idea how anything works and research contradicts where I want this story to go so...SUCK IT REALITY!

Something heavy jumped on his bed as he was having the typical nightmare. Him hiding under the covers in his bed and listening with a rising panic in his chest to any creak on the stairs.

Brendan opened one eye to see his eight year old grinning at him happily.

“Ma’s picking me up in an hour. You have a bruise on your face.” Paddy said. “I wanna put bats in her purse.” Brendan ran his hand over his face and threw the covers back. The sweat off his body and sheets stank up the entire room making Paddy scrunch up his face in disgust. “Da? Why does it smell here so bad?"

“‘Cause I pissed myself, Pad.” Brendan answered grabbing some fresh underwear from his drawer. “No to putting bats in yer ma’s stuff. She’s come from Belfast to see you and Deccy. She misses you both.” Paddy stood up and crossed his arms.

“Well, I don’t miss her. Not one bit. I like being here with you and Declan and aunt Cheryl and aunt Mitzeee and I’ve made new friends. I don’t even remember any of my friends back in Belfast.” He said in one rant. “I don’t want to go back there.” Brendan looked at the little boy.

“You aren’t going back, Paddy. Why do you think that?"

“Ma’s said that if things go well, she’ll take us back with her. And I don’t want things to go well!” Paddy yelled with tears at the rims of his eyes. Brendan crouched in front of his son.

“Paddy, your ma is not taking you back to Ireland if you don’t want to. I’m going to make sure of that."

“Really?” Paddy asked quietly. Brendan smiled and wiped the tears of his cheeks.

“Really. But your ma really loves and misses ya and Declan so be nice to her sometimes."

“I can be polite.” The eight year old bargained.

“I’ll take it.” Paddy smiled at him and ran out of the room screaming Declan’s name and something about waffles in the process. Brendan looked at his bed. He’d need to wash the sheets again.

They smelled really bad.

He washed them daily because the sweat was too much. The nightmares were too much.

Brendan went into his bathroom for a quick shower. A morning ritual for years now. Water so hot, he was sure it would eat away at the layers of his skin making erasing all the evil etched in there.

Wrapping his towel around himself he went back into the master bedroom. He opened the window wide even though it was late November and the weather was not kind. The arms on his body stood up from the cold shivers the wind sent through him. He grabbed the sheets quickly, stripping the bed, shoving his bed linen to the side and flipped the mattress over. Daily ritual.

He dressed himself quickly in black jeans and a black jumper that stuck to his wet body awkwardly.

\\\//\\\//

Eileen walked into the house as if she owned it, making a displeased face at Brendan’s bruise. Declan and Paddy barely looked up from their breakfast that was leftover curly fries. Brendan would cook them something but his culinary skills weren’t far off poison.

“Brendan!” She rounded on him after a gasp came from seeing what her children were eating. “How can you let them eat that?! Why not make a sandwich or something?"

“Declan can make his own sandwich, Eileen. So can Padraig.” The eight year old beamed happily.

“I put crisps in between the bread to make it nicer.” He told his mother and looked at his brother with an idea written on his face. “WE SHOULD PUT THE CHIPS IN THE BREAD.” He whispered loudly.

“Oh my god. Paddy, you’se a genius.” Declan whispered back and ran quickly to pull out the bread, dropping it loudly on the table. The two boys stuffing their faces.

“Brendan!” Eileen cringed. “This is not healthy."

“I really don’t care.” He said looking through the post that already came. Most of it was bills but sometimes they got vouchers for fast food which were used quickly in a household of three Brady men.

A lace wedding invitation caught his eye. The samples Cheryl ordered finally came.

Brendan breathed heavily staring at it as Eileen was trying to convinced their sons to eat some tomatoes she found that turned out to be gumboils.

Cheryl barely came out of her room. He was the one who had to call most of the vendors and cancel everything. Tony Hutchinson was hired to do the catering and he even started on the cake that Brendan took home and they all ate in silence at Cheryl stared at it with empty eyes.

He looked for the number of the sample vendors. He rang them a week ago but obviously there was a fuck up. So much money was spent on everything. He sighed and dialled the number.

“ _Life Occasions, how can we help you?_ ” A cheerful voice sounded on the line.

“I got a wedding invitation sample in the mail but we’ve cancelled our order.” He cut straight to the chase.

“ _Apologies for that, sir. Can I get the name please?_ "

“Brady and Tenbury-Newent.” She hummed a little as he waited for the awkward silence that came whenever someone realised the situation. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Oh my.” She spoke quietly, the pep quickly disappearing from her voice. "I do apologise, sir. One of our employees accidentally did the order. You will not be charged for it, that is definite. Our sincerest apologies."

“That’s fine.” Brendan said wanting to cut the conversation quickly. “Thanks."

“So sorry about the mix up. Hope you have a lovely day.” He could hear her wince before she ended the call. Brendan looked at his phone and then at his children. Eileen was trying to now bribe Paddy to let her pick out his outfit. The little boy was really confused as to what was wrong with his shirt that was covered in mud from mud wars that Paddy won at school.

He walked up the stairs quietly and knocked on the door.

“Chez?” She didn’t reply. He tried the knob but it wouldn’t budge. “Eileen’s downstairs and there’s leftovers. She’ll probably take the boys out so you can go downstairs whenever.” He heard movement inside the room and the door opened to reveal Cheryl hugging a huge bear. Her face was red and blotchy which meant she was crying again. Brendan sighed and leaned on the doorframe. “D’you need anything right now?” She stuffed her face into the bear before looking back at her brother.

“There’s a meeting with the lawyers. They called yesterday. Can you go?” Brendan tried to mull his brain for excuses but one look at his sister told him that saying no would be awful.

“Sure. You should eat something.” She shook her head. “Chez, please. Just come downstairs.” She tugged her bear closer but stepped out of her room that smelled just as bad as Brendan’s in the morning. He went inside to open the window and fresh it out as she walked down the stairs.

The room was actually really neat, just smelled horrible.

He left the door open so the room would air out quicker. He tried not to pay too much attention to anything, worried he’d fee something if he did.

Downstairs Eileen made Cheryl scrambled eggs whilst Paddy was hugging his aunt from one side with the bear still under Cheryl’s arm and Declan was telling her crappy puns that got small smiles on her face.

Cheryl looked at him as he passed by and came up next to Eileen to grab his forgotten tea.

“Eileen, love, why are you here?” Cheryl asked with a croaked voice. There was the family resemblance of cutting through the bullshit. The Irishwoman looked at her startled.

“I’m here to see my boys, Cheryl.” Eileen answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You’re not planning on getting together back with my brother, right? Because you two are an utter train wreck.” Declan snorted but it erupted into a full fledged life at Eileen’s face. He actually fell off his seat laughing so much. Brendan eyed his sister who wasn’t smiling. She was absolutely serious.

“I’m just here for my boys.” Eileen repeated with a tightness in her voice.

“Good. Nice eggs. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” She wolfed them down, grabbed her bear away from Paddy who somehow managed to get his hands on it and walked up the stairs.

“At least she’s eating.” Declan said quietly staring after her.

“A bit off, though, ain’t she?” Eileen interjected, sitting down and sipping her tea. Brendan threw the cup in the sink carelessly, startling everyone.

“Gee, Eileen. I wonder how you’d act when the person you love died in front of you.” He said through clenched teeth and grabbed his leather jacket. “Don’t talk about my sister that way.” He told her as he put it on.

“Dad, can I come to the club tonight?” Declan asked right before Brendan was about to leave. “Jacqui said she’d help me with my chemistry project."

“The fuck does Jacqui McQueen know about chemistry?” Brendan asked back.

“She has a does biochemistry degree at open university. How do you not know this?"

“How do you know this?” Declan shrugged.

“Jacqui’s cool."

“I don’t like the idea of some strange woman teaching you things especially at a club.” Eileen interjected crossing her arms. Declan didn’t even look in her direction, completely disregarding her opinion. Brendan rolled his eyes at her.

“Alright, but you’re babysitting Paddy on Saturday. Mitzeee has a shoot and I’ve got to be there."

“Wait.” Declan said standing up. “I have to babysit my only and favourite brother on a day off when I was planning on hanging out with him and just playing video games? That is so not fair.” Declan dramatised. Brendan shook his head at his son’s antics as his other son was squealing in laughter.

\\\//\\\//

Jacqui was standing outside the club with arms crossed. A small pile of cigarette buts around her heels. Why did all the women in his life wear high heels that looked like they could cut Brendan’s body in one slice?

“You hired people.” She said as he walked over and opened the door. “I did not expect ya to hire people.” She followed him inside. “What time did you tell them to get here?"

“Six. Two hours is enough to train them, right?"

“As long as they aren’t idiots.” She said and went behind the bar.

“Uh.” Brendan scratched his head. “They may be. I hired Rhys, Doug, that girl Ash, Little Foxy and this bloke Kevin. Some have experience but who knows. Theresa came to interview too.” Jacqui slammed her hand on the counter.

“Wha?! You better not have hired her, Brendan.”

“‘Course not.” They turned to the stairs as someone slammed the door downstairs. Walker’s head came up in view. He eyed Brendan and Jacqui and smirked.

“Morning co-workers.” His eyes returned to Brendan. “It’s a pleasant cold day outside, isn’t?” A beat of silence passed.

“Nah, it ain’t.” Jacqui answered. Brendan smirked at that. Jacqui never took shit from anyone. “We’ve got new employees."

“Really?” Walker asked, curiously eyeing her. “You’ve hired people?"

“Our boss did.” She answered. “But apparently they are the worst so you’re gonna have to train them.” Walker frowned and stalked over to the bar.

“Why me? You’re the assistant manager."

“And you’re the manager.” She shot back. “It’s your duty, Walker. I’m not putting up with these kids because yer too fuckin’ lazy.”

“And as a manager, it is my duty to delegate. So I delegate the new employees to you.”

“Don’t fuckin’ try it.” She hissed and turned to Brendan who watched the scene apathetically. “Boss, you decide this.” Walker also turned to him. For weeks it was just them and Cheryl working at the club. Him and Brendan working at the bar whilst the girls worked on the floor. It somehow worked but it was exhausting and Jacqui threatened to brush her hair at work if he didn’t hire new people.

During the weeks, Walker and Brendan grew closer. Closer in the way that Walker got down on his knees every time the two of them closed the club. And they did it often because the girls wanted to get home earlier.

“Walker, you should train them.” The man glared at him. "But Jacqui also is gonna do it. Half them between you both. There.” Jacqui huffed annoyed at that.

“Fine. But you owe me a coffee.” She crossed her arms and stared at him expectedly.

“I owe you a coffee for doing your job?” She just stared. “Make your own fucking coffee.” Jacqui scoffed.

“I don’t want the dirt that comes out of the machine we own. I want a good one that makes me insides melt. Go to the Caff and get me my coffee.” Walker chuckled at Brendan’s inner struggle and walked back downstairs to the cellar. “You can get me a red velvet cake as well.”

“I do not like this.” Brendan muttered as he walked to the fire exit next to the bar. He stopped however remembering something. “Hey, what do you know about the Hay boy?” He asked Jacqui.

“Ste?” He nodded. “He dated Theresa for a little bit.” She hesitated for a moment. “He’s trouble, Brendan. And I say this very aware of who my family is.” She glanced at him. “I’m betting he’s the one who gave you the shiner?"

“Mm. I rejected his friend. Some Rachel or something. She wanted to DJ. We’ve got a fucking DJ. He didn’t agree."

“Ah. Rae.” Jacqui grinned knowingly. “Yeah, I can see why he’d go crazy over that.” Brendan waited for a further explanation but she just shook her head. “Go get my coffee and cake.” She waved him off and Brendan knew that was the end of the conversation.

\\\//\\\//

The Caff wasn’t very busy but there were still too many students mulling around. Students were the worst thing ever. He was looking forward to the day Declan would leave and be a student somewhere far away.

Brendan looked around the place before his eyes fell on a small blonde chatting with that Rae from yesterday at the counter. He was about to walk over and be annoying because that was his thing, sticking his ’tache everywhere it didn’t belong, but he saw the Hay boy and Tony Hutchinson talk in a corner in hushed whispers over some papers. Brendan grinned to himself, feeling a magnetic pull to get the boy in trouble with Tony, and walked over to the table, sitting himself down. Both men looked up immediately. Tony confused whilst Ste looked irritated.

“Morning fellas.” Brendan said happily. “How are you both on this incredibly ugly November morning?"

“Brendan.” Tony acknowledged. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, just wanted to know if Steven here—“

“Ste.” The boy corrected but Brendan ignored him, praising himself in his head for guessing the boy’s name right, staring at Tony.

“—still wanted that job he came by for yesterday.” Brendan focused his eyes on the younger boy who paled as Tony looked at him betrayed. “I’ve hired some people but there is still room for someone as _vigorous_ as you.” He smiled. “Come by the club if you make up your mind. Not fair to keep ol’ Anthony in doubt over his employees.” He looked again at Tony who was glaring at the papers. “Well, I think I’ve got a charming woman waiting for me to do her bidding back at work. Have a nice day.” He got up and ordered the coffee with the cake from a brunette with long hair. The two blondes lounging on the sofa and sending daggers his way.

But Brendan Brady did not give a shit. He just wanted payback for the bruise. And from the rising voice of Tony Hutchinson, he got it.

\\\//\\\//

The new employees were doing alright. Ash being the best out of them all. Doug screwed up a couple of times earning a few harsh words from Kevin who showed off but Brendan couldn’t help smirking every time the young man dropped something whenever his eyes landed on the Irishman.

Walker didn’t like it though and ordered Kevin around. Rhys was very competent and did not get distracted by Jacqui once. Joel however was an amusement to watch. He kept on getting things wrong and swore in his thick Scottish accent making Brendan laugh. The family resemblance to Foxy was too much.

Brendan was sitting in front of him, laughing loudly with Declan over Joel’s mistakes when Ste Hay stormed in through the fire exit.

“You’re a fucking wanker, Brady!” He yelled stalking forward but Brendan didn’t move at all. He gave his son a smile as the teenager looked curiously at the council boy.

“Declan, don’t you have some chemistry homework?”

“Da, you’se about to get decked by someone. M’not leaving.” Declan grinned at him, showing off the Brady charm and leaning over to the Hay boy. “Hi, I’m Declan, the wanker’s offspring. What’d he do to you?” Ste blinked for a moment at the teenager. Brendan could see in the corner of his eye the young boy was confused by the situation. Declan had that effect on people.

“He…Uh…He got me fired.” The Hey boy stammered out, suddenly uncertain of himself.

“Shit.” Declan said. “That is horrible. Da, you need to hire him.” Brendan was still staring at Joel fumbling about behind the bar, ignoring Ste’s presence which he could tell annoyed the Mancuanian by the tension in the air.

“He punched me in the face.”

“You did that?” Declan sounded impressed and Ste must have nodded in response. “You’re awesome. Da, hire him. Who else in this place would hit ya? Well, Jacqui would if she wasn’t worried about breaking a nail. Jacqui’s really awesome.” Declan said happily. “You’ll love working with her.”

“Deccy, you’re not hiring people for me.” Brendan growled but his son just ignored him and called Jacqui over.

“What you want?” She pushed Joel towards the other end of the bar as he wasted another lime.

“Hire Ste. Dad got him fired.” She looked at Ste standing behind the Bradys.

“You want to work here?” She asked him, doubt in her voice. “I will hire you just to piss Brendan off but d’you have any experience in a club setting?"

“Well, uh, no.” Brendan snorted and he could feel the bullets from the boy’s eyes in the back of his head. “I’ve worked for Tony for a long time though at the coffee shop and the restaurant so I’m good under pressure.” Brendan stood up and faced the young boy. He was only a few inches shorter from him and his eye lashes were the longest Brendan has ever seen. Longer than any natural one’s he’d seen on a person. Brendan forgot his thoughts for a moment but a glance over at Walker who was hovering around Kevin yet eyeing Brendan brought him back to reality.

“You know how to mix drinks?” He asked Ste.

“Not really. I’m a quick study, though.” Brendan hummed looking at the boy’s lips that seemed to be scowling. “Look, just give me a chance, right? You did get me fired, which you did on purpose, Brady, and I need a job. I've got two kids to support." Brendan exchanged looks with Jacqui who didn't seem to be convinced about the Hay boy.

"We'll need someone to collect the glasses." He said to her. She shrugged but still didn't look too happy. "Alright, Steven."

"Ste."

"Less of the lip, lad." Brendan reprimanded trying to avoid about the plush lips. "Tonight's your trial night. You collect glasses and clean tables, only. You do not get near the bar or the money. If you do well tonight, we can do your paperwork tomorrow. Yer lucky that all these idjits are starting today as well." He told the young boy.

"Fine. I'll take it." Ste nodded eagerly. His eyes dancing. "Do I need a uniform or summat?" Brendan was about to take him down to the cellar but Walker showed up at his side.

"Hello." He eyed Ste interested. "And who might you be?"

"Ste Hay, Walker." Jacqui said with a tone of warning in her voice. "Brendan's just hired him." Walker turned to Brendan with a surprised expression on his face.

"You're in a giving mood today, aren't you?" No one knew about the fact that Walker swallowed his load more often than not but he was positive Jacqui suspected something. Usually he enjoyed little innuendos Walker threw his way but for some reason, he didn't want the Hay boy to witness any of it.

"Jacqui, get Steven a club shirt." He said still facing Walker who was amused by Brendan. "Club's opening in a few and I want to spend some more time with my kid." He turned to Ste. "You got what you wanted. Now fuck off." Jacqui rolled her eyes but came out from behind the bar and motioned for Ste to follow her. Walker lingered a little bit but when Brendan looked his way again, he went to see how Ash was doing on the other side. However not without throwing a smirk Brendan's way.

"That guy creeps me out." Declan said from behind the bar.

"The fuck you doing?" Brendan shook his head. "Out. Now." Declan grabbed himself a Coke first before sitting on his previous stool. "How was the day with yer ma?" Brendan sat next to his son.

"Fantastic. She told me how it was wrong me and Pad don't go to church anymore."

"I tell you that all the time."

"But you don't go to church. Why should we?"

"I meet with Father Des every month. It’s me own personal church."

“You talk about rugby!” Declan cried outraged.

“But Jesus listens to every word I say because Father Des is a holy man with a direct connection to our Lord and Saviour.” Declan rolled his eyes and sipped on his drink, eyeing the club.

“Why did you hire Walker?” The teenager asked his father.

“‘Cause the earth is a square, Declan.” Brendan replied immediately. “Don’t you have a home to get back to?” He asked not wanting his son to leave but getting irked at all the talking. Declan’s mouth quirked upwards as he stared at the older man’s oncoming agitation. “Your brother probably terrorised your ma enough. Go on, get.”

“Da. I don’t want to go back to Ireland.” The teenager said quietly. “So if ma tries, you fight her on it. Alright?” Brendan patted his son’s head.

“No problem.” He assured Declan and pointed to the stairs. The teenager luckily got the hint and left quickly with his drink. Brendan’s eyes caught onto Walker who was staring at him with that annoying fucking smirk on his face. The Irishman turned around and ordered Joel to get him a glass of whisky. The young lad fumbled around for a minute but didn’t spill any which Brendan was grateful for. That whisky cost more than his car insurance.

He took the glass and went into his office, closing the door so no one would disturb him. Most of the time people didn’t care and barged in anyways but he did like the illusion of privacy. He sighed as he dropped himself in the chair.

The meeting with the lawyers was not a happy one. They insisted that Cheryl should have been present but Brendan made it clear that that wasn’t going to happen any time soon so they could either wait or deal with him. One of the lawyers seemed to accept that and convinced others that the sooner they’d get over with the meeting, the better. Brendan continuously had to remind them that Cheryl wasn’t in a position to make any decisions at the moment. He wondered why Nate’s family wasn’t contacting Cheryl themselves but through lawyers. It was two hours of constant headaches and almost screams as they insinuated that it was Cheryl’s fault this situation occurred.

Brendan shook his head and looked at the paperwork in front of him.

 _’My share of the Tenbury-Newet estate, I bequeath to my fiancée and soon to be wife, Cheryl Brady, in the amount of £90,000,000 and four Surrey properties._ '

They argued the will was inadmissible by the fact that Nate died before the wedding happened thus invalidating the ‘ _soon-to-be-wife_ ’ clause. Bullshit. Brendan explained the wedding was planned and even brought the invitation sample with him to prove it but the lawyers just ignored him and requested next time Brendan sent an actual solicitor with Cheryl, dismissing him. It was a waste of time but at least they gave him all the documents that Cheryl could use when she was up to dealing with all of it. Brendan wanted to support her but he was emotionally stunned so there was only so much he could do.

The door opened and Walker walked in, closing the door right behind him. Brendan didn’t say a word, just stared as Walker stood there with his self-satisfied smirk.

The other man reached out to brush something off the wall and flipped his hair out of his eyes as he did so. Brendan had a hard time trying to hold his snort in but making sounds would just engage Walker and for some reason, the Irishman was not interested tonight. Perhaps it was the exhaustion from his family situation.

Walker took a red folder out of the drawers and came to sit in front of Brendan, holding out a hand for a pen. The Irishman role his eyes but passed him the one in his hands and put the paperwork he got from the lawyers in his desk drawer earning a raised eyebrow from the other man. He didn’t care and looked over the new liquor agreement the council sent him.

They were trying to charge the club extra since the club was more successful and they’ve installed more security devices on the premises which was ridiculous. Brendan gritted his teeth at that.

Walker scowled at him annoyed with the noise, nudging the table to get his attention and be silent. Brendan mimicked his scowl but stopped the annoying habit and started drawing up a letter to the council. He was experienced in that area now. Another ritual. They worked in silence for a while. The viciously loud garage mix startling Walker at one point whilst Brendan managed to not even notice, too engrossed in his work. After he was happy with the rosters, Walker threw the folder in front of Brendan.

“How’s it looking, boss?” He ask suggestively. Brendan huffed annoyed but put his work to the side and found it was a decent schedule except for one thing.

“The Hay kid. I want him to tend bar soon.” Walker sat back in his seat, his face blank but a strange glint in his eyes.

“Why?” A simple question really but Brendan didn’t have a simple answer. He didn’t know why.

“Why not?” He shot back at the Englishman.

“He’s inexperienced and we don’t know if he’ll even survive tonight. Unless you… _want_ …him.” Walker spoke slowly and swivelled slightly in his chair. “Couldn’t help but notice that Kevin was eyeing you up every chance he got.” He smiled a grimace. “Gave the boy courage to do well."

“I want all my employees to do well.” Brendan responded. “That’s why I want Steven to learn how to mix drinks. The quicker he learns, the better my staff will be.” Walker closed his eyes.

“And what a spectacular staff it is.” He whispered. Brendan squinted his eyes as the Englishman gloated in his own private way. “Fine.” Walker looked at him. “I’ll train your new toy to be a good little boy.” He seemed pleased with himself and got up. “I’ll go see how much damage, we’ve experienced thus far.” Walker gave him one last lingering look before walking out of the office, not closing the door behind him because he knew it would annoy Brendan. Fucking git.

Tonight was not going to be a relief night for his cock.


	3. A Sense Of Poise And Rationality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people! :)
> 
> All legal jargon and medical is bull.   
> Warning, some themes of blackmailing and blatant homophobia. 
> 
> Unbeta'd

Brendan had a huge headache on Saturday. It was Mitzeee’s shoot which was a pain in itself, and the rain only made his headache worse. Jacqui was hanging out at the club, preparing it for the night since Walker always had Saturdays off but her annoying brother was here as well. Brendan didn’t like John Paul McQueen one bit.

And it had nothing to do with the fact that the man was gay. Brendan didn’t hate homosexuals even though he publicly vowed himself a straight Catholic man and in private he liked to sin with other men. But John Paul McQueen was a pompous little ‘ _know-it-all_ ' arse that begged to be covered in reds and purples with a couple hundred hard hits. Brendan clutched his fists every time the younger man opened his mouth and felt his blood run hot through his veins but he liked Jacqui and she loved her brother. Hitting him would not bode well for their friendship.

“So, I’m thinking maybe I should talk about that volunteering I do at the charity shops.” Mitzeee was asking Brendan’s opinion as she nervously waited for the Vogue people to come.

“You mean wanking the rich off and buying all the nice clothes before normal people can?” John Paul interjected. Jacqui was downstairs with Joel and Doug giving the two lessons in stock whilst Ash was teaching Kevin mixology at the bar. Both of them stopped talking and sent John Paul curious glances but quickly went back to their work, speaking in hushed whispers. Mitzeee already nervous about the shoot, bit her lip.

“Yeah. Maybe it ain’t all that interesting.” She said in a quiet voice. Brendan glared at the McQueen and lifted Mitzeee’s chin up with his index finger.

“You will do fucking great.” He ordered. “Or we’re not friends anymore.” She smiled a little at that and he could feel her bravado coming back.

“Yer right.” She stood up. “Fuck off McQueen. No one wants yer ugly mug here.” She said simply. John Paul’s pompous face turned bright red and he opened his mouth to cry outrage but Jacqui came back up with Doug and Joel carrying crates behind her.

“JP, love, do me a favour and check on Merce.” She said tiredly. “She’s been ringing me non-stop to come to the Caff but I just don’t have the time.”

“Alright.” John Paul patted her arm. “It’s probably more drama with Riley. Good luck, Mitzeee.” He smiled at her earning an evil eye from the model. Jacqui looked at Brendan after her brother left.

“Did I miss something?” She asked him.

“Yeah, your brother is a nitwit. Pass it on to the rest of the family.” Jacqui put her on her hip and glowered at him until he looked away. he cleared his throat and faced Mitzeee who was gleeful. “When are the people getting here?"

“Any minute now.” She replied exasperated. “You know, you don’t have to stay.” He shrugged folding his arms, his headache subsiding a little.

“I’m gonna get some fresh air.” He mumbled avoiding eye contact with everyone, Mitzeee giggling at something Joel said. She had a thing with Foxy a while back, even called it love at one point but it quickly went south when Warren put his hands on her neck. Why exactly it happened, only Mitzeee and Warren knew but Foxy was locked up in Wakefield with his visitation rights revoked whilst Mitzeee liked to pretend the whole relationship didn’t happen.

Brendan stepped out onto the fire escape looking over the village. The thick rain slamming at his throbbing headache but the November air felt like a wonderful freedom in his lungs.

There weren’t many people around in the village. Most opting to stay indoors on a rainy Saturday. He could see Diane and Sinead O’Connor huddling under an umbrella to get to the Caff. He heard that Tony and Diane were starting a relationship from Cheryl a while back and it seemed to be in a good shape. And Sinead tried it on with Brendan every time she came to the club and spotted him. She was exhausting. The whole village was made up of horny people who found his antipathy in them as some form of a challenge.

That’s why he like Mitzeee. She may put on a show but the woman knew he liked to bed only certain blokes. And Jacqui wasn’t interested in him one bit. The first words she said to him after he hired her were ‘ _I will work for ya, but I am not going to do anything more than that. I know men like ya, I’ve been with men like ya and I am not going to let ya take advantage of that._ ’ which impressed him a lot because the only people who spoke to him so frankly were either his children or his sister.

He spotted a van with a Vogue logo on the side driving up and went back inside the club, feeling like a drenched rat with all the water pouring off him. Kevin and Doug were nowhere to be seen. Jacqui walked into the office, closing the door behind her whilst Joel was now on mixology training. Ash had a real gift when it came to drinks. Mitzeee eyed him from the sofa and snorted at the sight of him.

“Had a nice breath of fresh air, did ya?” She was on her phone but it was ignored to make fun of Brendan.

“Your people are here.” He said ignoring her. Mitzeee shot up immediately with a small gasp.

“Really?” She called Joel’s name. “Go and bring them up."

“Am I your slave or somethin’?” He asked confused. Brendan looked at the Scot.

“Just do it. Life will be a hell of a lot easier.” He told him and took off his jumper as the Scottish lad swore and ran down the stairs. Mitzeee told him to put his jumper back on because it was meant to be about her and not his hairy chest. He had some clothes in the office so he let her push him in that direction, startling Jacqui who was hunched over the red folder correcting Walker’s mistakes. “No comment, Jacqueline.” He warned her as he pulled out a red shirt from the bottom drawer and buttoned it up quickly. He didn’t like it as much as his black jumper but the shirt did look good on him. Even Jacqui stared for more than ten seconds.

Mitzeee entertained her guests with a sparkling laugh and a bubbling personality that came off as bubbly with the photographer. Ash served the crew drinks if they asked for them and Brendan even got a few inquiries about the club property. The photographer said the dark lighting inside would be perfect for a couple more shoots if they ever needed the location again. Brendan stayed near the entire time making sure that nothing dodgy was going because at one of her photoshoots, the photographer got nude photos when Mitzeee was changing and nearly got away with them but Brendan and Foxy sorted the man out.

It wasn’t as painful as he’d thought it would be but the headache was still there so he asked Jacqui if she’d manage on her own because it felt like a migraine. The woman didn’t look happy about it but she let him off saying that she had enough people who actually did something instead of just standing around and judging everyone.

He would have an interesting retort but his headache was getting worse so he just glared at her before grabbing his still soaking wet jumper and headed out home. Ash bid him a cheerful goodbye and Mitzeee found a large umbrella in the changing rooms. She said she would play the role of the gentleman and walk him home. Joel snorted but Doug nudged him to shut up. Kevin just looked like a rat.

“So.” Mitzeee took his hand into hers. “How’s it going?"

“Fucking ace, Anne.” He murmured massaging his temple with his free hand. “You happy now?"

“I am. Thank you.” She beamed at him. “How’s Walker?” Brendan just rolled his eyes at that. “I’m only asking because I am interested in your personal life.” He looked around to see if anyone was listening but the rain was thick enough to drown out their voices.

“Do not advocate my personal life in public. And he’s not a part of it."

“He creeps me out. Why do you let him even touch you?” She shivered as they walked up the stairs. “The whole thing is gross. I get that you’re not ready to be open about your sexuality but at least be in the closet with someone nice.” Brendan’s mind flashed blue eyes quickly before he even had a chance to register what was happening. “Alright. Here we are.” She smiled up at him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Brendan Seamus Brady, for being the most incredible best friend I could have ever asked for. You’re my hero, yer know. And I do not admit that lightly.” Brendan smiled down at her.

“I know, Anne.” If they hugged, this would have been the perfect time but it wasn’t their style. “Get home safe, please.” She cocked her head to the side.

“Do you think anyone would be dumb enough to attack the best gal of Brendan Brady?” She giggled. “Good night.” She waited for him to go inside and only when he looked out the window, did he saw her leave. Paddy was snoring softly on the couch with his feet in Declan’s lap and a blanket covered over him whilst the teenager was staring at his father like he was an alien.

“What?” Brendan asked his son.

“Nothing.” Declan answered. “Just didn’t expect you to be home so soon.”

“Headache.” Brendan explained and went to pick up a sleeping Padraig, making a small noise as his son wasn’t as light weighed anymore. “How was your day?"

“Awesome. We spent the entire day at home and then ma came and told us off for it. Just so awesome.” The teenager turned back to the telly. “Why does she hate us?”

“Your ma don’t hate you.” Brendan said dismissively.

“Yeah, she does. She said the only good thing about us is that we ain’t faggots.” Declan’s voice was void of emotion but it was clear what was said affected him. “She even was trying to bother aunt Chez when she came down for food saying how maybe grieving in leftovers does not paint a child friendly picture.” Brendan closed his eyes and adjusted Paddy in his arms as the small boy was slipping. “I know she gave birth to us and stuff but I hate that woman. Saying things like that to aunt Chez, being basically disrespectful and hateful towards people of other sexualities. How is that okay?” Brendan bit his lip.

“Deccy, that isn’t fair. Your ma grew up in a different place and in a different time."

“You grew up in Dublin and you’re not a homophobic prick.” Declan looked up at him. “Are ya?” Brendan stared at his son for a moment.

“I was. Hit so many gay boys I’ve lost count.” Declan’s eyes widened a tiny bit.

“What changed?” Brendan didn’t want to answer that question. He adjusted Paddy again and looked away from the teen.

“G’night, Deccy.” He put Paddy into bed, careful not to wake him up and put the duvet around him. Eight years old. It was a defining age for Brendan. The age when the small boy was locked in a cage of a growing man’s body. Brendan blinked and run his hand over Padraig’s hair.

His children would have a better father. One that loved them and supported them and didn’t hurt them. Paddy let out a soft snore making Brendan chuckle and the man left the eight year old’s bedroom.

His eyes focused on Cheryl’s bedroom at the end of the corridor. After the papers from the lawyers, she seemed to cry more but she was eating more as well which was a positive sign.

Brendan knocked on the door, lightly expecting her to ignore him or pretend like she was sleeping but instead, the door opened immediately like she was waiting for him.

“Your ex is a fucking cow.” She hissed, her eyes and nose red. “I don’t want her here anymore.”

“Okay. I’ll let her know.” He appeased her. “How are you?” She looked down at the doorknob she was still clutching onto.

“I’ve rang some solicitors today. They’ll come by on Monday. Can you be here?”

“I…I don’t know, Chez. The club is on the verge of losing the liquor licence because of the idjit over at the council. I could ask Mitzeee to come. She knows about that stuff.” He tried to placate her but it was obvious she was disappointed from the way she hunched over in her body.

“Okay. I have been asking a lot of you lately. I’m sorry."

“Chez.” He stepped forward and she buried her head into his chest. He kissed the top of her head and held her close. “You’re my baby sister. There’s nothing in world I wouldn’t do for ya.” She nodded and stepped away easily.

“Gosh.” She wiped her sudden tears away. “I didn’t even realise what today was until daddy rang. You alright?” Brendan looked at her confused, trying to ignore the bile rising up in his stomach from the mention of their father. “No wonder Eileen was such a cow.” Realisation dawned upon Brendan and his headache suddenly made sense. It felt like the cold rain washed all over him again.

“I’ve got a migraine, Chez. Have a good night.” He walked off into his bedroom quickly feeling claustrophobic by his clothes. The buttons too small were making it difficult for him to take the shirt off. As soon as he got his clothes off, he fell into the bed and vowed himself to sleep.

\\\//\\\//

The stairs creaked loudly as a child’s scream broke the silence and Brendan shot up in his bed, breathing heavily.

He looked around disoriented for the sound of sirens or a man’s laughter but there was nothing there. He was in his bedroom in Hollyoaks. It was dark outside so it was either late or early. He didn’t dare to look at the time.

Brendan ran a hand over his face and willed himself to take deep breath.

‘ _In.’_ He forced himself to breath in. ‘ _Out._ ’ He breathed out. The mantra was repeated multiple times as he tried to calm down.

Multiple times after that.

Then his alarm sounded. His mantra lasted long enough for that to happen. It didn’t startle him. Rarely anything did anymore.

He took his phone and turned the alarm off. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing was clear. He just wanted to rip something apart. He just wanted to tear it from piece to piece. He wanted to taste plush lips. He wanted to see if they were soft like silk or rough like sandpaper.

Brendan shook his head, forcing the abnormal thought out of his brain. It was one thing to have a warm mouth around him. He could pretend he was pretending then. But to think about kissing one. Being tender. It was an abomination.

It was sin.

He stood up and took the soaked sheets off the bed. Daily routine.

\\\//\\\//

“Mister Tenbury-Newent’s condition was not something unexpected.” Jim McGinn spoke. Mitzeee snorted at that. She did come like Brendan asked her to but had her own opinion about the solicitor Cheryl chose. “However his state of mind was perfect normal when he wrote that will. The problem we have is that he used his family’s firm to create it and kept it with them. The only good thing however are the two witnesses.” Cheryl stared blankly at the wall.

“What witnesses?” Brendan asked.

“His doctor and best friend.” Jim answered. Brendan raised his eyebrows at the knowledge. “I’m good at my job, Mr Brady. The two witnesses are helpful to Miss Brady because they can testify to the fact that Mr Tenbury-Newent was in sound state of mind and that he was planning on helping to have a successful and fruitful marriage. A dead man’s wish was to have a family with Miss Brady which is evidenced in the will itself.” Cheryl turned her eyes at him. The same dead look in her eyes.

“Ms.” Brendan looked confused at her as Mitzeee cast her eyes downwards.

“I’m sorry?” Jim asked also confused.

“You keep calling me Miss. It’s Ms.” She spoke quietly yet very clearly. Eyes blank. “I’m a widow.” Her voice unwavering. Jim cleared his throat and shuffled through some papers.

“Technically, you aren’t.” He said with a touch of strain in his voice. “You were never legally married to him.” Mitzeee tapped her nails against the table as the silence settled over the four of them.

“What if she doesn’t want it?” She asked Jim and everyone focused on her. “Then they don’t have to put her through useless months of paperwork whilst Cheryl’s grieving.” The Brady woman looked at Jim with a tinge of curiousity. The man again shuffled with his papers.

“That’s a bit tricky. In the will, her fiancé clearly stated his estate goes to Miss Brady. If she doesn’t accept it, she doesn’t have access to it but neither do they. That’s why the family is trying to claim, she doesn’t have any right to it. Why they want her to sign documents stating she doesn’t have any right to it. Because then his estate comes back to them.” Jim explained.

“That’s fucked.” Brendan murmured.

“That it is.” Jim agreed. “What would you like to do, Miss Brady?” He looked at her. “It is a large inheritance and you are rightfully entitled to it but it would require a lot of meetings with their lawyers that could result in High Court. However if you’d like to, I could draw up papers where you give the inheritance back to the family.” Brendan looked at his sister who was staring with dead eyes at the wall again. “Miss Brady?"

Cheryl shook her head and hid her face in her hands. Brendan could hear a small whimper emitting from her. It was difficult not to as it was dead silent in the room. Mitzeee stood up and put her hand on the blonde’s back, rubbing it in circling motions. Brendan looked at the lawyer.

“Anne, get her upstairs.” He mumbled and Mitzeee got Cheryl to stand up, her face hidden. It was awkward to say the least because Mitzeee didn’t have a lot of practice dealing with a situation like that but she managed to get Cheryl upstairs. “Nathan was on a death bed for the last four months of their engagement.” Brendan spoke to Jim. “My sister didn’t leave his side except to go to take a piss. She barely ate or focused on herself, making sure to take care of him. She bathed him, for fuck’s sake, and those people didn’t even let her go to the funeral.” He spat. “You’re going to do everything in your power to respect Nathan’s last wishes and get her tat inheritance.” He stood up and poured his tea in the sink. It was cold and too strong for his liking. “It won’t make her happy and she’ll give it all away, I’m sure of it.” He turned back to Jim. “But it is hers. And even if it takes years, that is what Nathan wanted.” He said quietly. Jim nodded and put his papers back in his briefcase.

“I get the idea. Will get on it right away.” He stood up and grabbed his coat into another hand. “I am sorry for your loss, Mr Brady.” Brendan just shrugged in response and watched on as the man let himself out.

Brendan liked Nate. He made his sister happy until his illness rendered him powerless and died. Multiple sclerosis and enterococci were a deadly combination. Nate’s body fought as long as possible. But ended with tragic results.

It always ended in tragic results.

Mitzeee’s heels clicked loudly as she walked down the stairs. She gave Brendan a small smile but it didn’t reach her eyes at all.

“I best be going.” She said grabbing her purse. “I have so many things to do.” She stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to call her out on lie but he wouldn’t dare. It was a mutual cowardice between them. “Alright then. Bye, Irish.” She waved at him and walked out through the door leaving the Brady siblings alone in the house.

\\\//\\\//

“Watch it.” Joel growled at Ste as the other young man bumped into him by accident.

“Wouldn’t ‘ave to now would I if you helped me out?” Ste asked with an attitude putting the two crates down on the bar. Brendan was sitting on the sofa trying to read through the letter the council wrote back because Jacqui kicked him out of the office and made Kevin clean it. The man was not happy about the task but she just gave him a dirty look when he opened his mouth to argue.

“Oi, fuck off. I’ve got me own problems, don’t I?” The Scot replied and scratched his head looking at the drinks anthology Ash left. Joel was good with the customers and brought in a lot of business but his mixing talents were severely lacking. Ste sighed and looked over his shoulder. Brendan watched with amusement as the Mancunian's face scrunched up in confusion.

“Wha' is that?” He asked reading it. Ste was actually a good employee. He was never late, he did everything with a snarky remark which Brendan appreciated, he annoyed Walker which was funny to watch, he could charm any girl who walked in but Brendan didn’t work with him yet. Tonight would be the first time since Brendan hired the young man. “Eh-emphil-emp-emp-empre…” Ste’s volume decreased every time he got the pronunciation wrong. “How do you say that?” He asked Joel quietly. The Scot frowned as well.

“‘Ve no idea. Brendan?” Joel looked up at him. “How do you pronounce that?” Both him and Ste were staring at him expectedly. Brendan rolled his eyes and putting his paperwork to the side, got up to reach for the book.

“No point in learning it. No one in this dump will ever ask yer boneheads to do it.” The two young men still stared at him. “Empellón Cocina’s fat-washed mezcal. Like I said. No one in this village will order anything like that.” Joel seemed pleased with the answer and went back to his book but Ste’s eyes remained on Brendan. “You need something, Steven?”

“Yeah. I was just thinkin’.” He licked his lips drawing Brendan’s eyes to them. The Irishman snapped them back up to something less interesting quickly. “Right, could I work on the bar tonight?” He looked like an eager puppy with his hopeful expression, big blue eyes, pink mouth, long lashes and Brendan would agree to anything the boy wanted to ask of him. Luckily Kevin just barged out of the office mumbling under his breath, spilling the bucket and its content on the floor. It was a dumb accident but it annoyed the hell out of Brendan.

"Sorry. Sorry." Kevin apologised frantically and tried to mop up the dirty water with his hands. Brendan pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Jesus. Steven, help Kevin clean this shit up and you can take his spot on the bar whilst he works the floor." Kevin looked downright murderous as Ste grabbed the mop and the bucket quickly.

"I wanted to do it." Kevin whined and stood up.

"Go home, clean yourself up and get your arse back here in time for the evening shift." Kevin's face fell at Brendan's words. "You know what? Just get on out of here and come back tomorrow to make it up. Your face is annoying me."

"You can't do that!" The blonde stepped towards him but slipped and knocked over the bucket of water that Ste managed to clean up. He looked pleased with himself when he righted up, Ste glaring at him but getting back to cleaning it up.

"OUT!" Brendan roared startling everyone but Kevin scurried off immediately past Jacqui who was walking up the stairs. "Kid's a fucking disaster." She ran her hand over her long, smoothly tied back, pony tail.

"Yeah, but he's pretty. What are you gonna do now? We're short on staff and these two won't be able to work by themselves." She asked standing next to Brendan. Joel made and indignated noise but she silenced him with a click of her fingers and pointed at the cocktail book. Brendan sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"I'll step in. You and I could work on the bar like the old days." He grinned at her. The corners of her mouth working upwards.

"Oi. You said I could work on the bar!" Ste yelled, most of the water mopped up. Brendan pursued his lips into a thin line.

"Right. You and Steven on the bar. Me and Joel on the floor." He looked back at Jacqui glancing at Joel. "Everybody fucking happy?" He asked and got a murmur of noise in response. "Good. I feel like a fucking nanny." He said dropping back on the couch and resuming his reading of the paperwork ignoring the young man near him with a bucket of water.

\\\//\\\//

Joel was smiling happily at a hen do at a table whilst serving them. They were loud and annoying but the Scot managed to remain nice and pleasant. Brendan avoided talking to anyone, just collected dirty glasses, wiped some tables, eyed everyone suspiciously and loathingly. It was a great night to be working. His phone kept on buzzing in his back pocket with texts from Eileen but he ignored those. He could guess the contents of them anyways.

The hen do was for Cindy Cunningham. Who she managed to convince to marry her, Brendan had no idea. But he did feel sorry for the bastard. Mitzeee was sitting at the edge, not happy about being invited to the event but classy enough to not refuse.

"Brendan!" Cindy screeched loudly over the music, her arm around a young live action figure who kept glancing his way, interested. Brendan walked over to the table. Nancy Osbourne burped loudly and giggled, her face completely red and her body swaying to the side. "How come you never tried it on with me, huh?" Cindy leaned over her male arm rest. "We could have had a wonderful story together. I actually based one of my steamy romances off ya, you know." She said loudly over the music, her hand reaching out to touch his shirt. Luckily Brendan was out of reach.

"D'you need more drinks or are your alcoholic needs satisfied? I'm guessing the latter by the fact that you're shit faced already." He told her and watched for the usual outrage that came whenever Cindy was insulted however instead her head dropped on the table getting a snorted chuckle out of Nancy who dropped her head down next. Mitzeee rolled her eyes and drank the contents of her entire champagne flute. Brendan looked at her for help but she just tapped the empty bottle indicating to bring another one. Joel appeared out of nowhere and immediately replaced it before disappearing again. The live action figure stuck his hand out at Brendan.

"I'm Noah." Brendan grinned wide and grabbed his hand into a tight grip shaking it widely.

"Hi Noah." He dropped his smile and Noah's hand before pointing at the two passed out women. "Get them out of here." He walked to the bar which was full on both sides. Jacqui was smiling brightly at everyone passing drinks but there was a huge queue at the other end. Brendan pushed past to see Ste moving around frantically and casting apologetic smiles at everyone. The boy was clearly overwhelmed and he needed help. Jacqui managed to get some of the customers to come over to her side but a large of the female population found Ste’s bumbling idiot act cute. “Fuckin’ hell.” Brendan swore and moved in front of Ste asking the first customer what they wanted with a charming smile that quickly overtook all the attention. The crowd dispersed soon and Brendan turned around to Ste. “A word before you leave tonight, Steven. Not a request.” He growled at the younger man who stared with sad eyes up at him. He just nodded his head in response and Brendan walked away to clean more after blubbering drunks.

\\\//\\\//

Jacqui sighed as she looked around the club, exhausted.

“Walker’s going to have to clean this up tomorrow. I’m knackered.” She said pulling her hair out of her ponytail letting it flow easily around her face. “If he whines about it, I’m gonna knock him out, I swear. The fucker is lazier than you.” She pointed at Brendan. “I think I’m the only decent employee in this place.”

“Mmm.” He said grabbing the empty glasses to put in the dishwasher. Ste was downstairs changing. Joel left already. “D’you need me to walk you home or something?” She gave him a significant look in response. “Right, caring about your safety is fucking dumb."

“Damn, right. Do you need me to hold your hand whilst you lock up?” She batted her eyes at him and smirked. Her red lipstick was still perfect as ever. “I’m a big girl, Brendan. If anyone is stupid enough to come at me when I’m this tired, they are going to be regretting it for a very long time.” She turned around as there were footsteps on the stairs and Ste came into view. He raised his shoulders as he sheepishly smiled at her. “Right.” Jacqui turned back to Brendan. “The famous talk. Little tip, Ste. Hitting him this time, ain’t going to cut this short.” She grabbed her coat and walked down the stairs, her high heels making too much noise that was still heard after the loud slam of the door. Ste avoided all eye contact with Brendan and his hands fumbled with the holey ends of his flimsy jacket. The Irishman put the glasses in the dishwasher under the bar, came around and sat on one of the stools, crossing his arms.

“Right, you'se gonna talk or just sit there in silence and stare me to death?” Ste broke the silence, clearly uncomfortable with it by the way he glared at Brendan. The older man just blinked slowly. “I kno' I messed up. I’m sorry for that but I just wanted to show everyone that I could do something besides sandwiches and cleaning the bog.” He threw up his hands in frustration. “You wanted to bloody talk so talk!” Brendan cocked his head to the side, silently enjoying the young man’s frustration however his exhaustion levels were rising up quickly at the late hour.

“Monday.” He simply said. Ste looked confused at him, his hair moving lightly.

“Wha’?” Ste frowned.

“You’re going to come in on Monday and learn how to make drinks. Till then you’re going to be cleaning the bog and only the bog until it’s so fucking clean, I can eat off the floor.” The younger boy opened his mouth to speak but Brendan stood up. “D’you know how lucky you are right now, Steven?” He asked slowly advancing on him. “I’ve destroyed men for even looking wrong in my direction. Battered them into a pool of blood because I didn’t like their faces.” He was standing in front of Ste, their chests almost touching and the younger man’s face paling with every word combined with the fatigue. "You have blatantly disrespected me multiple times, Walker and Jacqui even though we’re your bosses. You violently attacked me on the interview night yet you’re still breathing.” Brendan’s voice got lowered and his eyes travelled to those pink, plump lips just begging for him to taste. “I am letting you walk around, I am letting you work for me and I am letting you be a good dad to those little angels of yours.” Ste’s face thundered with fury at the mention of his children but didn’t dare to speak. “Now. You can either spend time sanitising that fucking toilet till I think you can stop being a whiny little bitch boy or. You can walk away right now and take a chance on whether or not I’m gonna return that black eye, I still see in my mirror.” He murmured, barely audibly but Ste heard it in the silence because he looked up at Brendan with a fierce expression.

“You think you can scare me just ‘cause you’se my boss?” He asked Brendan. “I have horror stories too, Brendan. I could take you on and damage you just as good as you’d hurt me.” Brendan smirked.

“I don’t doubt that.” He leaned in a little bit closer so that their chests finally touched and grabbed onto the open edges of Ste’s jacket. “But me boys know their da’s a bastard. Imagine how your little ones would react to you in a hospital bed.” He whispered, pleased with the effect on the younger man as Ste’s eyes widened slightly at the thought, his long eyelashes brushing his eyebrows. Brendan took a deep breath and stepped away from him, turning to go into the office. “Fuck off, Steven.” He closed the door behind him and leaned himself against it, closing his eyes.

 _’Before I do something, I regret.’_ He thought as he heard the younger man go out through the fire exit.

The scary thing was that Brendan wasn’t sure which action he’d regret more.

Attacking Ste or destroying him.


	4. What A Wonderful Caricature Of Intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd.
> 
> Do not own HO
> 
> Warning: Rough sex, homophobia, basically certain people being awful.

"Da? Did you just get up?" Declan asked throwing his bag onto the couch. Paddy following his cue and with a small roar, also threw his backpack, and then let out a victory laugh. Brendan wrapped his robe around him tightly as the shortly opened door sent a shiver through him.

"Yeah. So?" Declan shook his head. "I'm an adult, Deccy. And I own a club. Obviously sometimes my sleeping schedule will be odd."

"Yeah but it's nearly five." The teen said judgement in his voice. "Whatever. Did anything come for me?"

"Your dignity." Brendan retorted and put the kettle on. "How should I know, kid? I just woke up." Declan rolled his eyes at his father and went to his room leaving his bag on the couch. Paddy sat at the counter and stared at Brendan with big eyes. The older man ignored him to pour the hot water into his cup. He never functioned well without tea. But there was no milk in the fridge. Brendan groaned and ran his hand over his face. Of course no one did the shopping. Cheryl barely left her room in her grief, Eileen wasn't his wife anymore, the boys were too young to do big shopping so it was up to Brendan. He glanced at his tea and then remembered his youngest was sitting patiently. His hands folded on the counter and his expression patient. "What is it?" Brendan asked trying not to sound like someone who was growling. His voice had a habit of being especially gravely in the morning. Paddy didn't speak straight away, listening to the sound of the washing machine and Declan's shows upstairs.

"Da. I would like to propose something. A proposition." The young boy said confidently. Brendan could feel his cheek twitch on amusement but tried to remain neutral. "There is a party at Ahmed's house and it is on Saturday and it starts at five and his mum is away so his dad is letting him have people stay over and I would really, really, really, really, really like to go." Brendan didn't say anything and Paddy slammed his hands on the counter sliding them around, his face pleading. "This is a once in a lifetime chance! Pleeeeease let me go! Pleeeeease." He clasped his hands together in a pleading manner.

"You want to go a sleepover on Saturday at Ahmed's house. Right?" Brendan clarified, his son nodding in response. "Okay. You can go." Paddy's face slowly turned into a wide grin as the news settled over him. He jumped off his seat and ran to hug his father tightly.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" He shouted making Brendan chuckle and pat his head awkwardly because he wasn't sure how to react. Paddy saved him however by letting him go and running upstairs. Brendan could hear him knock on Cheryl's door and his excited little voice when she opened the door.

He looked at the fridge and made a mental list of what he'd need to get. Milk was number one priority. They could use some meat. Paddy liked salami and Declan went crazy over those pepperami sticks. Cheryl liked sweet things so he'd need ice cream. Tea was running low. Biscuits.

He scratched his face blankly for a moment.

He should probably make an actual list and ask everyone in the household what they wanted.

Brendan looked around for some paper but of course, there was nothing near by. He grumbled under his breath about dumb notepads having invisible powers as he grabbed Declan's bag to look through it for some paper but he just had textbooks and USBs. Education was a lot different these days. He looked through Paddy's bag but he found something in the little boy's belongings. Something that sent off a panic in his stomach. He grabbed the object and stormed upstairs into Cheryl's open room where Paddy was sitting on the bed telling her happily about all the things he'd do at the sleepover whilst she was standing by the open window..

"Padraig!" He shouted startling the right year old and his own sister. Paddy looked up at him with big eyes and his bottom lip quivered lightly as his little hands drew up into small fists. Brendan crouch in front of the bed and showed him the object, Cheryl gasping quietly. "Where. _The fuck._ Did you get this?" He growled at him. Paddy looked scared at the object and drew his knee up to his chest.

"I..." The eight year old boy swallowed hard. "Freddy gave it to me. He said it was-was a balloon." Paddy's eyes were watering and Brendan dropped his head.

"For fuck's sake, Paddy." He murmured.

"Why is da freaking out about a condom?" His teenage son showed up at the door and made a remark.

"'Cause I found it in yer brother's bag." Brendan growled at him and turned back to Paddy who was clutching onto his knees tightly and on the verge of crying. "Paddy, this..." He shook the condom in his hand. "...is not a balloon. This is something only adults should use. It's a condom."

"What's a condom?" Paddy asked in a small voice.

"Jesus." Brendan sighed trying to figure out how to explain protection against STDs and STIs to his eight year old son. Luckily Declan dropped himself next to his little brother and put his arm around him.

"You know how I told ya about where babies come from?" Paddy nodded, staring at his big brother. Declan wiped the tears off his face. "Well, condoms are used for that to protect against diseases and _not_ making babies. Simple. Educate your friends."

"And why did da get so mad?" The little boy asked in a tiny voice.

"'Cause da don't want ya to know about any of this yet." Declan explained. "I remember he nearly had a heart attack when he walked in on me and Laura back in Ireland." The teenager looked off into the distance nostalgically and Brendan stood up.

"You were thirteen, Declan!" He roared making Paddy jump but Declan didn't even react. "And you already told Padraig about things?"

"You weren't going to." Declan replied easily. "Hey, are you gonna go shopping? 'Cause we've got no food. D'you need me to make ya a list? Come on, Paddy. Let's write a list for da." The small bog followed his big brother avoiding Brendan as much as possible. The Irishman looked at his sister who was smiling sadly. His mood changed quickly as he realised what she was sad about.

"It's good they're boys, really. Easier." He told her.

"No. S'not that, Bren." She shook her head and closed the window. "I just got understand, I'm not going to get that." She straightened out her duvet. "Parenting. Having me own kids. With him, I actually considered..." She trailed off, her eyes on the wall. "I know I wouldn't be a good mother. So I didn't ever...But I wonder sometimes." Brendan put his hand on her shoulder.

"I really want to make you feel better, Chez. But I don't what will do it." She blinked at the wall.

"Bring Nate back. Give me a purpose again." She whispered. "Can you leave now please?" Her whispers croaky. Brendan kissed her cheek and walked out, closing the door behind him.

\\\//\\\//

"Can I get these?" Paddy pointed to some pink toy thing. "It's so much fun. All the girls at school have them and they play with them all the time." Declan looked around.

"Don't you want something more boy like?" The teen asked, uncomfortable in this part of the shop. The two kids tagged along for shopping and Brendan's guilt led them to the toy store afterwards. Declan got some water gun which of course he promised to wake Brendan up with or use against Eileen.

"Oi." Brendan cuffed the back of Declan's head. "If Paddy wants a girl toy, he can get a girl toy." Paddy beamed at his father and moved to the next aisle. Declan and Brendan following begrudgingly. "And if he gets bullied for it, that's where you come on and beat them up."

"Ma would have a heart attack hearing that."

"Ma ain't here, Deccy." Brendan looked around the shop and spotted Ste with a small blonde from the Caff and two small children walking in. He watched as Ste stared at the toys with an indecisive facial expression. The blonde next to him was saying something in his ear. They didn't even notice the kids ran off into the shop. Paddy was sitting on the ground staring at a dollhouse when one of those kids came to look at the dollhouse. Brendan fel something tug at his insides as he realised it was a little girl.

"Are you getting that?" She asked Paddy. Brendan couldn't get over how little she was. He didn't remember any of his kids being that little. "It's the best house ever." Paddy looked curiously over at her.

"Why?"

"Because it has so many secret rooms." She whispered conspiratorial like and sat down next to the eight year old. "You can hide anything you want and no one will know."

"Wow. Do you have one?" The small girl shook her head.

"My daddy made me one though. It's really pretty and big but it doesn't have any secret rooms." She said sadly staring at the dollhouse. Brendan had to move away because he was staring to forget how to breath. His feet moved quickly somewhere else, ignoring Declan's questioning looks. He found himself in front of a fireworks display. He wanted to buy all of them and blow them all up at once because that would be awesome. But Declan called him back over.

“What?” He grumbled at him. Ste was standing by the little girl trying to pick her up. He stood up straight when he saw Brendan, his face freezing in fear. “Hello, Steven.” Brendan said nonchalantly trying to not show any emotions. “What d’you want, Dec?”

“Can I get this?” The teenager picked up a make up kit. “I wanna see if rouge is my colour.” Brendan stared at his son for a beat waiting for the teenager to break into laughter but when he didn’t, it dawned on the Irishman that Declan was serious.

“You’re serious.” He told him. Declan nodded. “Fine. Paddy, you got something? The ice cream is melting in the boot.” The eight year old hummed, glanced at the little girl who was waiting in anticipation and stood up.

“Father. I choose the secret room dollhouse.” He said confidently.

“Great.” Brendan grabbed one of the boxes behind the display. “Let’s go. Steven, see you on Monday.” The younger man held on tightly to the little girl, as if scared that Brendan would attack her. He heard Declan and Paddy say goodbye to them as well but he walked fast to the checkout, wanting to get out of there. The small blonde Ste was with was standing in front of him in the small queue, holding a small boy’s hand in hers and rummaging through her purse.

“I’m sorry, Lucas.” She finally stopped and crouched in front of him. “Mummy forgot her purse. We’ll have to come back and get the teddy some other time.” The little boy’s bottom lip pouted out and shook. He looked exactly like Ste in that moment. His eyes big as he stared at his mother.

“But you pwomised.” He mumbled in a tiny voice.

“I know. I’m so sorry.” She sounded really apologetic. “Mummy and daddy will get it for you, soon.” The little boy looked down at his hands.

“How much is it?” Brendan found himself asking. The two blonde heads looked up at him surprised. “What, 20 quid?” He took the bear where it was on the floor next to the little boy. “Yeah, no problem. Steven can pay me back.” He said going to the cashier. “Separate bag for the bear.” He grumbled as the guy started scanning things. Once he paid, he turned around and gave the bag to the little boy. “‘Ere.” Lucas took the bag with big eyes and hugged it tightly to his chest. “Don’t give your ma grief.” The little boy grinned at him, revealing a toothy grin where some were missing and others were too big.

“Thank you, mishter.” The little boy smiled and hugged the bear in the plastic bag tightly. The blonde woman was staring at him wearily.

“You didn’t have to do that.” She said cooly and crossed her arms. “We would’ve just come back some other time. We don’t need your pity, Brady.” Brendan raised his eyebrows.

“S’not pity, lassie.” He told her. “Crying kids are the worst and most annoying thing. Your boy will pay me back and we’re even. Get off your high horse.” He looked for his sons who were still talking to Ste and called out to them. “Move it!” He shouted and walked out of the shop towards the parking lot. They looked like a happy little family.

A perfect little family that had everything and loved their kids no matter what. Tried to protect them from everything and everything.

It was disgusting. Made something turn in Brendan’s stomach. He shoved the toys in the back seat and got behind the wheel, tapping it restlessly, waiting for his children to get in.

\\\//\\\//

Walker was circling him like a dog. Kevin, Doug and Rhys were on tonight. Kevin doing better and not fucking up for once.

“The fuck you want?” Brendan growled with the corner of his mouth as Walker was in and out of the office again. They finally managed to resolve the issue with the council, comping to a compromise of a 2% increase. Which Brendan could afford easily.

“You know what, Brady.” Walker said in a smooth voice and Brendan looked at him from over his glasses. He didn’t like wearing them but his headache came back the moment he dropped his children off at home.

“Not now, Walker.” He said simply. Usually that sent the other man running but this time, he closed the door instead. Locking it up. “Piss off before you regret something.”

“I want to get laid, Brendan.” Walker forced. “You’ve been dodging me for a while now and I wouldn’t care but this whole thing you’re doing, is inconveniencing me. Now.” He threw a condom onto the table. “Be a big boy, unzip your pants and get your cock out.” Brendan looked at the condom and tapped his pen against the desk. He wasn’t interested in fucking Walker. He wasn’t interested in doing anything with Walker anymore. He’d fire the bastard if he didn’t make the club run smoothly. He also owed him.

Brendan sold Walker’s brother drugs that landed the boy in the hospital. Luckily he survived but the only reason why Walker didn’t kill him or rat him out to the police was because Brendan offered him a job.

It wasn’t a great deal. But Walker knew he owned Brendan because of that.

He grabbed the condom and stood up, coming around to stand in front of Walker.

“Hands on the desk.” He commanded in a bored voice. Walker smirked a little and followed the order, but not without taking off his belt first. “Lube?” Brendan asked but he knew the answer to that already. Walker snorted as the Irishman stood behind him. Walker undid his pants and let them slide off, he wasn’t wearing underwear. He never was when he wanted sex.

“So tender. Didn’t know you cared, Brady.” Brendan rolled his eyes and got his dick out. It wasn’t even half aroused as usually but he put the condom on, tugged a few times, imagining slick fingers around his length before a pink plush mouth and he was ready to go. It helped that he hadn’t had any in over two weeks. This would be a perfect opportunity to make up for it.

Walker was dry and tight so he spat on his palm and ran it over himself before pushing in. They didn’t do things like prep. They liked it when it hurt, when they could destroy each other. Brendan aligned himself against his opening and pushed in slowly feeling a small satisfaction at the hiss from Walker’s mouth. It felt good to be inside someone. And he hated it. He hated it so much. He started his thrust quickly, pushing Walker’s head down and grabbing onto his hips. It felt good but not right. The body was not the one he wanted to be moving inside of. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine. Imagine he was with the body he wanted. He tried to imagine a golden skinned body that made incredible noises but the reality stuck inside as Walker’s noises were obscenely loud. Louder than usual, like he wanted someone to hear them. The music muffled them outside but Brendan found it annoying that he could still hear the other man.

He’d put a gag in Walker’s mouth to shut him up but the man would just enjoy it. His thrusts became more erratic as he felt an orgasm building up. It wasn’t emotional. His body was just responding on its’ own. The orgasms weren’t even that spectacular. He’s had better ones with Eileen but he wouldn’t go there.

Walker spilled out on the desk right before Brendan made a grunt and felt his body relax slightly. He pulled out of the other man, throwing the condom in the small bin and grabbing tissues from a drawer. He took a couple before throwing them at Walker who was breathing heavily with a blissed out expression on his face, his eyes closed till the tissues hit his chest.

“Clean that up.” Brendan pointed to the cum on the desk. It didn’t hit any papers thankfully. Just the wood. Brendan cleaned his own dick, threw the tissue out, put himself back in order and sat back in his chair. Walker sighed pleased and wiped the desk, he took his time dressing himself up again. He was under the impression that Brendan liked seeing him naked. To be fair, the Irishman never did anything to change that opinion. “Get out.” He murmured. Walker grinned, putting his pants and belt back on.

“Next time, I want to suck you off whilst you’re wearing those glasses.” He said. “I do hope Kevin boy heard that. One of our best fuck’s yet."

“Wait.” Brendan stopped him as he unlocked the door. “You wanted me to fuck you to warn off Kevin? You’re jealous of the lad?” When Walker didn’t respond, Brendan let out a loud laugh, finding it hilarious that someone thought _Kevin_ was his fantasy fuck. “I don’t want to fuck Kevin, Walker. In fact, I don’t want to fuck you anymore. Suck him off ‘cause my dick is staying in my pants from now on."

“You always say that.” Walker mused.

“I’m serious. You come at me again, you’ll be sorry. You tell anyone, you’ll be sorry.” Brendan told him but the Englishman just grinned wider.

“I like it when you’re bossy.” He whispered. “Makes me feel like a virgin.” He threw Brendan’s way and quickly left the office missing the mug the Irishman threw at the door in anger.


	5. I'm Exactly Where You'd Like Me, You Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some homophobia and racism.
> 
> I do not own HO. So, I'm not sure if people are reading this fic but thank you if you are. :)
> 
> I've got some difficulties at the moment in my life so I'll be switching to uploading a chapter weekly. You can expect the net one on Tuesday.
> 
> Unbeta'd

Eileen stormed into his room and slapped his arm, hard. Brendan groaned, blinking awake. She was standing over his bed with her hands crossed and an outraged facial expression.

“What did I do now?” He asked not bothering to sit up.

“You told Paddy he can go to a sleepover to that Muslim boy’s house.” She spat at him in a hiss. Brendan sat up then. Eileen scrunched up her face as the stench of sweat hit her nostrils.

“Eileen. If he wants go to a fucking sleepover, he can.”

“No.” He started stripping off his bedsheets. “He is not allowed to sleepover until he is ten. And you bought him a dollhouse. Do you not want him to be a real man, Brendan? He’s already effeminate enough.” She shook her head and sighed tiredly. “Where did I go wrong with him?” Brendan remained silent not interested in having this particular discussion with her. “I see you’re still wetting the bed.” She commented, making Brendan flinch. When they were married, Eileen always woke up to soaked sheets, at first concerned but over the years annoyed and at the end of their marriage, she made him sleep on the couch. “He is not going to that boy’s house. It is bad enough that he is his friend.” Brendan dropped the sheets and turned to face her.

“Yes, he is. Padraig can be friends with whoever and I do not give a shit about who they are as long as he is happy and not shooting up. You gave up your parental rights to Paddy, Eileen.” He reminded her. She gritted her teeth and glared at him.

“I didn’t give up Declan.”

“No. He gave you up all on his own.” Brendan would have worried about hurting Eileen’s feelings at one point in his life but he didn’t care anymore. “Get out and stop bringing misery to everyone.” She dropped her hands to her sides.

“I came here to work on our family, Brendan.” Her voice was dangerously low.

“Your family doesn’t want you.” He replied easily and took the sheets with him downstairs, leaving her behind.

Declan was eating cereal and watching cartoons when Brendan came downstairs.

"Da. Ma's here." He said not taking his eyes off the telly.

"She woke me up. Where's Pad?" He looked around the living room and the kitchen but his youngest son was nowhere to be seen which was strange seeing as he was the first to always wake up on the weekends. Declan didn't answer for a couple of seconds.

"Ma made 'im cry." He mumbled. "She was saying things like she didn't want him to spend time with terrorists." Brendan felt fury in his veins. He stomped over to the washing machine and put his dirty sheets in before going up the stairs. He still hadn't taken a shower but he wanted to get to Paddy first.

He passed Eileen walking out of his room.

"What did you do?" He growled at her.

"I've not done nothin'." She quickly defended herself.

"Get out. Get out right now." He pointed to the stairs. "Next time you want to visit Paddy and Declan, I'm going to supervise every fucking minute. Get out and don't say another word." She took a step back from him, her eyes lethal but she didn't speak at all. He waited till he heard the front door open and shut before resuming his search for his son.

Paddy wasn't in his own bedroom so Brendan went into Declan's. He didn't expect to see a blanket fort that took up most of the room. There was also sniffling audible. It wasn't that surprising that the eight year old found sanctuary in his older brother's room.

"Pad?" Brendan asked quietly. "I want to talk. Alright?" He didn't hear a response so he assumed it was okay. He got underneath the blankets and found his son had made a bedding in the centre with pillows where he was rolled into a little ball and sobbing quietly. "Paddy." Brendan laid down on his side in front of him patting his head. "I know your ma upset ya." The little boy's head was hidden in the pillows. "She didn't mean to hurt yer feelings."

"Yes, she did." Came a muffled reply. "She hates me and she wants me to be sad all the time." Brendan tried to think of something that would make his son feel better.

"Yer ma has a very different way of thinking and seeing the world that you do. She was raised differently than you and Deccy. There is a lot wrong with her way of thinking but it doesn't mean she doesn't love ya." Paddy moved his face so one of his eyes was visible.

"How come you are better than her? All my friends say you're a bad man." Brendan thought about it for a moment.

"Not going to lie to you, Paddy, I am a bad man. And I'm not better than your ma. I'm evil. But in a different way."

"Do you think Ahmed is a terrorist?" Paddy asked in a small voice.

"No. And you are going to that sleepover tonight." Paddy sniffed but Brendan could see a small smile on his face. "When your ma starts saying something you don't like, I want you to put your hands over your ears and imagine something you like. What do you like? Yer me boy but I know nothin' about ya."

"I like Leah. She is really smart but she's so small, I want to protect her."

"Leah? That a new friend?" Paddy leaned up on his elbows.

"Leah. The girl we met when you bought me the dollhouse. I saw her on the playground the next day. She's really fun. But she's five and really small. I'm so old." The little boy sighed. Brendan's skin crawled as he realised that Paddy was talking about Ste's daughter. He wanted to scream at Paddy to stay away from her but that would just make him a hypocrite. He didn't want to stay away from Ste at any cost. "Her parents aren't together either. But it's strange." Brendan listened on interested, mentally cheering about the fact that Ste and his lass weren't a couple. "They all live together and get along. Why can't ma be like that?" Brendan at a loss for answers, remained silent and just patted the little boy's head.

\\\//\\\//

Paddy went with Mitzeee to the birthday party. She took him because she was his unofficial godmother and Brendan told her in a phone call about the damage Eileen has been inflicting on his children. So Mitzeee decided to show Paddy how what Eileen said is pure bollocks by spending more time with him. She decided that she'd pick him up from school now instead of Declan. The teenager didn't seem to mind much although he was rather busy with his TV shows to pay attention.

Cheryl also was pissed at what her former sister in law was spewing but she wasn't in any form to tell her off. She just hugged Paddy and Declan really tightly.

Brendan didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to make the life better for his sister and his kids. Calling his solicitor didn't help because he just suggested to go to Social Services and Brendan had enough of involving other people in his business. Mitzeee was the only person he trusted.

"Brendan." Ash brought back his attention. "We're out if vodka." She told him.

"There should be more down in the cellar." He replied disinterested. She tapped her nails against the doorframe and made a disagreeing noise.

"Nope. I just checked. We're out completely. It looks like we're out of few other items like ciders and gin."

"The fuck?" He brought up the order sheets on the computer screen. The last order he put in, two weeks ago, was there. But this week, it was Walker's turn. Brendan wanted to hit something. He pulled out a couple of notes from his pocket. "Go to the off licence and get as much as you can. Take Douglas with ya. And then when you serve, water them down." She took the money, nodding and left the office as Brendan rang Walker's mobile. The fucker wasn't picking up. Probably knew why Brendan was calling.

Probably did it on purpose as payback.

He rang his stock guy. The man was most likely still at the office.

The phone was picked up after the second ring with a gruff ' _Yeah?_ '.

"Johnathan. Brendan Brady here."

"Brady. Thought I'd be hearing from ya. Yer the only bastard who calls me that."

"Thanks. Listen, one of my employees fucked up and forgot to put in a stock order for this week. Can you help me out here?"

"Just put in a double order and I'll send it over on Monday."

"Much obliged, Jonathan. Glad to see we're such good friends."

"Not friends. You're good for me business, Brady. And next time, maybe do the paperwork yerself. It's the only way to get anything done properly these days." Brendan nodded although this screw up probably had a different reasoning.

"Got it. I'll send the orders off now." The conversation ended with that. No goodbyes. Just a simple deal done well. He sighed and thought about what to do with Walker. As long as he did the work, he was useful but screwing up gave Brendan a cause to fire him. But if he fired him, Walker could go to the police and send him away. Walker was a problem and Brendan liked to get rid of his problems. He got rid of Danny Houston. He’d need a way to get rid of Simon Walker as well.

Brendan thought about how to go about it. He’d need something big. Something that would send Walker away for a long time. He was trying to find a solution but the only thing that was coming up was a very permanent solution that would just cause more headaches.

His fingers worked on the computer screen as he sent off the orders and checked all the other paperwork to see any mistakes. Everything was up to date thankfully. He walked out to see the club in full swing with Rhys behind the bar whilst Joel worked on the floor. Or rather that's what he was supposed to do but instead, his head was next to Theresa McQueen's ear. Brendan grabbed her wrist and pushed her towards the fire exit with Joel on his heel.

"The fuck, Brendan?!" The Scot yelled. Brendan ignored him and just walked Theresa down the stairs with her following without any objections. Just an angry silence. He dragged her to the McQueen household and Myra opened annoyed as he knocked viciously. Joel stood back a bit nog understanding the situation whilst Theresa sighed put upon.

"This is yours." He grabbed the girl's shoulders and shoved her inside getting out a small squeal. "I catch her in me club one more time, Myra, and I'll lock her in my office, waiting for coppers go pick her up." He turned around and slammed Joel on his shoulder forcing the younger man to walk back to the club. He could hear Myra telling Theresa off in the background.

"Want to explain why you just ruined me night?" Joel questioned irritated.

"Theresa McQueen is a pretty young thing but dumber than a bag of donkeys. You can do better."

"Oi! That's me future girl yer mouthing off about." Brendan stopped in his tracks and faced the Scot.

"Better be a two year long future." Joel stared confused at him. "She's a sixteen year old, which is bad enough. She's a McQueen and the worst part. She's Jacqueline's sister. Save yourself the trouble. And I'm saying all this as someone who is concerned about my employees. Don't be trying to think I'm your friend." He resumed his walk back to the club.

Joel following him slowly.

\\\//\\\//

Sunday passed easily and quickly. Paddy came back home happy with himself and his friends. Declan took some girl out on a November date. Cheryl tried making some food but it was useless because she didn't know how to cook. So they ordered takeout which pleased everyone and didn't give anyone food poisoning.

“Alright, love?" Cheryl asked him on Monday morning. He usually slept in but since Mitzeee was taking Paddy to school, she of course woke him up and cackled loudly as the cold water dribbled down his face.

“Yeah.” He grunted. “Just Mitzeee on me brain.”

“Ah.” She wasn’t paying much attention to him anyways because she was doing the dishes. “Jim said that Nate’s lawyers aren’t so sure about what to do anymore. His father had a heart attack and he sees the situation differently now." Her voice unwavering but her hands shaking as the plates cloncked together. "I could get the inheritance." Brendan focused on his phone. It was too early for this shit. Cheryl kept on talking about how the lawyers wanted to try mediation but he wasn't paying attention. His mind on Walker, he still hadn't figured out how to get rid of the man. And he had a double order of stock to sort through.

He closed his eyes as he remembered Ste was meant to come in and practice on the bar as well. Just the two of them in the club.

Brendan wanted to get his hands on the boy but there were rules for that sort of thing. There were obstacles that he had to overcome.

He opened his eyes to see Cheryl dry her hands and walk upstairs. She lost a lot of weight over the weeks. Her skin used to be bright and clear turned to ashen and acne breakouts everywhere. He didn't know how she felt. He never loved anyone and he never lost anyone.

He heard her door upstairs close. It was enough for the day. His once bubbly sister now couldn't do more than ten minutes a day outside of the safety of her bed.

It was horrible to experience and Brendan could admit that it was horrible to live with.

\\\//\\\//

Brendan was outside marking off all the orders when Ste showed up. The Irishman eyed him over his little clipboard. He was wearing a tracksuit which made him look more chav like than usual. The younger man had his hands in his pockets and looked uninterested in being any where near Brendan.

“I’m here.” The Mancunian said indifferent. “What am I supposed to do?” Brendan put the clipboard on top of one crate stack and crossed his arms.

“One, drop the attitude.” Ste rolled his eyes. “Do I need to refresh your memory on how you fucked up, Steven?” The Mancunian’s shoulders dropped and his face slacked at the mention of his first failed attempt at bartending. “There’s a case upstairs that has everything you’ll need to practice. You’ll do every single drink on the menu, I’ll taste it. We’re going to repeat the process until you have it perfected. If by today I think your skills are good enough, then I’ll let you work it on your next shift. If you fail, you’re going to come back in next Monday and practice till you get it right.” Ste bit his lip and looked down shivering from the cold. “The longer it takes you to get upstairs, the longer you’ll be here.” He told him and certainly did not stare after him as the young man trudged up the stairs. Brendan returned back to checking his stock which added up and started hauling the crates up the stairs ignoring the Manc who was frowning at the list the Irishman left him.

“Uh, Brendan?” Ste asked unsurely as he finally managed to get all the crates up the stairs and into the club. Every time he went up, all Ste was doing, was staring at the list with a dislike. “Um.” The Irishman looked over at him breathing heavily from the trek of hard work. Ste’s eyes vibrantly blue in the dark light of the club. “I need help.” He mumbled with those pink lips of his. Brendan sighed and walked over to stand in front of him. The bar in between them to help Brendan control his urges. “Can you read these for me?” He passed the list to Brendan who raised an eyebrow at the request. Ste rolled his eyes again and put the list on the bar. “Look. I’ve got dyslexia, alright? And if you want me to learn how to mix drinks quick, then yer gonna ‘ave to help me. Because it’s going to take me ages if I read by meself.” It wasn’t a shocking revelation, in fact Brendan suspected something along those lines by Ste’s previous difficulties at work but he still blinked at him stunned. “Are ya gunna help me or wha’?” Ste asked sharply.

“Fine.” Brendan grumbled taking the list and focusing on something other than the commanding tone which peaked his curiousity in the young man. “Margarita. We’re gonna start with that.” He pointed at the case on the bar. “Tequila, lime juice, lime wedges, triple sec, cocktail shaker and a glass.” Ste froze taking out the ingredients.

“What about the salt?” He asked Brendan. “There’s salt in the margarita, ain’t there?"

“Yeah but let’s start off with the basics.” Brendan replied not glancing at him. “Half an ounce of triple sec into the cocktail shaker.” Ste froze again.

“‘Ow am I supposed to know what a half an ounce is?” Brendan narrowed his eyes at him.

“You were a chef, weren’t ya?"

“No, I weren’t. I was on me way before you’se got me sacked.” Brendan groaned frustrated.

“There’s a measuring cup under the bar, Steven.” Ste found the object quickly and poured the liquor in, his face darkening as he nearly poured the entire bottle in. “That’s not half an ounce.” Ste’s blue eyes flashed at his comment and he nearly bared his teeth at him in annoyance.

“I know that. Me hand slipped.” He started pouring the liquid back into the bottle over the sink. Brendan watched fascinated as he didn’t spill a single drop. After he poured it into the cocktail shaker, he looked at Brendan again. “What’s next?” The Irishman felt like a jolt of electricity went through his brain as he turned away.

“One and a half ounce of tequila in there. One ounce of the lime juice. Then shake it good and proper before pouring into the glass and putting a lime on the edge.” Ste nodded and quickly followed the instructions. Brendan couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s hands. He was just a kid, his face a bit round and he screamed trouble but there were aspects of him that intrigued Brendan. Like when he set his mind to something, he did it with precision. Or the way he held himself. Like he knew that everyone thought of him as a council rat but he held that title proudly.

“Thanks. By the way.” Ste muttered as he put the lime on the glass. “For getting that bear for Lucas. He really loves it. Amy can’t get it away from him.” He presented the glass in front of Brendan, putting a salt shaker next to it. Brendan ignored it and just drank the liquid. It was good. Not perfect but for a shit faced student, it would be perfect. He poured the content out, leaning over the bar to reach the sink.

“What is the deal with you and the blonde girly? I thought the other one was after ya.” He asked as he sat back. Ste blushed at that and washed the glass and the cocktail shaker by hand.

“Don’t think it’s any of yer business, Brady.” Ste defended. “I could ask ya the same about Mitzeee even though everyone knows yer shagging Sinead.” A snort escaped Brendan as he saw the younger man was serious and erupted into a full blown laughter. He kept on chuckling at Ste’s taken aback expression.

“That’s a good one.” He wiped at his eyes. “Heh. I’m gonna tell ya something, Steven, and I want you to pay really close attention. The women in this village, I wouldn’t get near them with my cock for a billion quid.” He said and grabbed the list. “Alright, next. Martini. Vodka first, the gin one second.” They worked like that through all the drinks and then again until Ste could make them without needing Brendan to read out the ingredients. Later on when Ste seemed more confident, Brendan started timing him which put more pressure on the younger man. He clearly didn’t like being on a time limit but he handled himself well and only swore three times at Brendan.

Which was progress. After Brendan was satisfied he told Ste to sit on the couch, grabbing them beers and sitting down next to him. He made sure there was space between them of course however he couldn’t help but observe every single of the younger man’s movements with the corner of his eye. That included the way Ste’s throat moved as he drank his beer, his Adam’s apple shifted up and down and Brendan just wanted to get his mouth, his teeth and his hands on that neck.

“It’s a long story.” Ste suddenly said breaking the comfortable silence. “Me and Amy."

“I’ve got time. The club’s closed on Mondays.” Ste glanced at him, the blue eyes making Brendan feel power drunk as the Mancunian was about to open up.

“Me and Amy. We used to be together. But I hit her. I don’t anymore. Haven’t since Lucas was born. Leah’s not my blood but she’s me own.” Ste took a deep breath. “We want to keep our family together so we live in the flat, even though she could move out to her dad’s at any time. But she stayed because she’s me best mate. She believes me. I dunno why. But she does.” Brendan took another gulp of his beer to not speak. “Anyways, me and her, we’re over. I’m happy with our situation and she’s too. She’s even thinking about dating someone which is great. And I’ve been with Theresa but it weren’t right. ‘Cause she’s a bit dim and obsessed with having a good time. I got a five and a four year old at home. I can’t be running around getting pissed on my nights off."

“You want to be a good father.” Brendan murmured.

“I do.” Ste’s eyes wide with agreement. “So me and her split up. She didn’t take it very well. Followed me everywhere for a bit. But Myra straightened her out, I think. And Rae is…Rae is…” Ste bit his lip and blushed again. “She’s the girl. The girl I see me future with.” He grinned at Brendan. “She’s amazing. She’s smart and talented and she makes me feel good about who I am. I don’t have to apologise for meself when it comes to her. Like this job, I thought she’d be offended I took it ‘cause you treated her so badly but she just smiled and wished me luck.” Ste scoffed in disbelief as Brendan tried to stifle the rage inside of him over the girl. “What a wonderful person. I would never be able to be like that.” He got quiet after that and looked at his beer. “We’re not together though. She’s not sure yet.” He said sadly and looked at Brendan. “What about you? No one knows what the story of Brendan Brady is.” Brendan shrugged and smirked a little.

“Not much. Got married to Eileen at 18 ‘cause she was pregnant. Got divorced. Came here. Here I am.”

“Wha’? You don’t even try to pull anymore?” Ste joked and Brendan’s mind flashed to his last trist with Walker.

“Not with the women here.” Brendan answered truthfully. Ste eyed him interested for a moment but when it was clear Brendan wouldn’t say anymore, he returned to drinking his beer. “My main priority is trying to help Cheryl at the moment.”

“Your sister? Help her with what?"

“Her fiancé died a couple weeks back and she’s tied up in legal shit with her family. It’s fucking exhausting.” Brendan ran his hand over his face. “It’s not my sister. My sister is a happy person who does not take people’s crap. This thing…” It was strange. He hadn’t open up this much to anyone ever. “This tried took her over. And I want to make it hurt less for her. She’s me baby sis. But I don’t want to be around her even more. It helps I’ve got a club and two boys that require most of my attention."

“That is…That is really shit. I’m going on about me girl problems when your near brother-in-law passed away.” Ste shook his head. “Maybe get a counsellor in or summat? Counselling helped me with my violence.”

“Mm.” Brendan nodded staring at Ste’s face. “Maybe.” His eyes glued to the blue. “Another beer, Steven?” The younger man hesitated, looking back at him. The air suddenly thick and the couch too small. He could feel it. He could feel Ste start to want. He could feel the curiousity and interest in himself building up through the younger man’s eyes. He had to be careful. Young, inexperienced ones always run their mouth off and Brendan needed to be careful. He could wait. He could wait a little while. Ste was only twenty. Brendan presumed that Ste thought just because he could get his dick up for the Rae bird, that meant true love.

But Brendan could see in those few seconds something building up in the back of Ste’s mind.

He smirked at the younger man.

“Probably should sent you off home, though.” He nearly laughed at him. “Looks like one beer already got your mouth dry.” He made a point of gazing at those pink, plump lips and Ste, most likely on reflex, got his tongue out to slide quickly over the pink skin. Brendan’s eyes following the movement and nearly having a heart attack at the sight of the red flesh.

“Yeah. Amy’s probably waiting for me to cook somethin’.” Ste looked off at the crates, his voice raspy. “Though, if you need any help with those, I can stick around.” He turned back to Brendan but the older man shook his head.

“Go home, Steven.” He stood up off the couch and grabbed Ste’s empty bottle from his hands making sure their skin wouldn’t touch. It would leave the younger man wanting to do so. “I work better alone anyways.” He told him as he threw the bottles out into recycling, not looking when he heard Ste get up in his tracksuit and walk to the fire escape. He only gave him attention when Ste called his name at the door.

“Thank you. Not just for Lucas but for this. For giving me a chance to work on me skills and stuff.” He looked so earnest, Brendan painted that moment in his memory. “Not many people actually give me a chance and want to be around me. So thank you.” Brendan gave him a tight smile, his hands tight in his pockets and Ste left.

Leaving Brendan feeling really alone.

\\\//\\\//

“Brendan.” Cheryl was waiting for him on the stairs as he walked into the house holding a phone in her hands. She looked a little more lively than in the morning. “Da wants to talk to ya.” She waved the phone in his direction and Brendan felt his entire life slip away from him into the clutches of his father. He moved woodenly to take the phone from her. She paid no attention to the way he was acting and walked up the stairs. Brendan waited until he could hear her door close before putting the phone next to his ear with a shaky hand.

“Da?” He asked quietly.

“Ah. Brenda. Yer finally got the courage to open yer trap.” His father chuckled. “How are things?"

“They’re fine, da.” Brendan answered shortly, wanting this conversation to be over.

“Really? Well, yer a fucking liar, laddie. Always were.” Seamus muttered audibly. “Cheryl’s still sulking over that Englishman of hers.”

He wanted to scream that she wasn’t sulking. He wanted to scream that this was what grief looked and sounded like.

“I’m thinking of coming down there and seeing me grandboys.” Seamus continued. “Maybe knock some sense into Cheryl too. Show you how to treat yer family properly.” Brendan closed his eyes trying to block out any flashbacks. “Aren’t ya gonna say anything to me, boy?!” Seamus roared on the other side. Brendan remained quiet. “Ah, Brenda. Yer such a wee little girl, still. Wasted you are. Good for only one thing.” Seamus said and finished the conversation leaving a dial tone in Brendan’s ear.

He wouldn’t let him near his sons. Cheryl he couldn’t protect because she never saw the monster. She had their father up high on an altar like a new faith.

Brendan dropped the phone on the floor and walked to the liquor cabinet, taking his unopened whisky and ignoring Paddy’s calls to him. He could sense Declan saying something to his little brother but he didn’t register anything.

He opened the bottle and drank with his clothes still on. He drank and drank until the fire didn’t burn anymore and all he could see was blue before passing out.


	6. This Was No Accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own HO

“Brendan!” Mitzeee shouted across the village as he was walking with Declan and Paddy to the cinema. “Where you boys off to?” She grinned at Declan and kissed his cheek before doing the same to Paddy.

“Movie. Da’s being nice.” Declan said bored wiping the leftover red lipstick off his cheek before he got distracted by spotting a girl from his school not far. “Alesha!” He ran off towards her whilst the girl smiled at him brightly.

“And here we see a male in his natural habitat." Mitzeee observed.

"Then why don't da act like that?" Paddy asked her. Mitzeee pulled out a gum from her purse which Brendan immediately stole. She hissed at him and pulled another one for herself.

"Your dad is like that too, trust me." She popped her gum loudly. "Speaking off, Brendan, I heard Tony Hutchinson is looking for a venue for his and Diane's engagement party. Maybe you could get in on that." She suggested.

"Engaged? Everyone in this village is fucking crazy." He retorted. "I was married only once and that's more than enough." Paddy nodded besides him.

"I am never getting married. Girls are the grossest." He scrunched up his face, getting an outrage squeak out of Mitzeee.

"Are ya calling me gross? And to think, I'm the one who buys you doughnuts."

"NOOOO." Paddy shook his head and grabbed her hand. "You're not a girl, Mitzeee. You're my queen. That's completely different." Mitzeee smiled pleased and looked at Brendan.

"You could learn a thing or two from yer son, Irish." She told him. "He knows how to treat me right." Brendan just stared at her. "Are we going to the cinema or what?"

"Who said you was invited?" Brendan asked but it was useless. She'd come either way. Mitzeee put her free hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow.

"D'you really think you and your tache could stop me?" Brendan dropped his head as Paddy jumped in place happy that Mitzeee was coming with them. He loved the woman more than his own family. They set off with Brendan calling Declan over but the teenage boy disappeared completely sending a text that said ' _Next time, pops_ '.

\\\//\\\//

Brendan let Ste tend the bar with Jacqui. Doug was looking over at him with clear jealousy in his eyes from the floor and Brendan couldn't help but feel a twinge of satisfaction over the fact that Ste was doing well on the bar. A lot better than the last time, he still was a bit slow but at least the queue remained at a consistently small number. He was happy to see that.

Doug however was so busy glaring at Ste, he was not doing well at his job. He ignored the empty glasses, he was late bringing drinks to customers and most of the time they were the wrong drinks. He was a complete disaster and driving clients away. Brendan had to do something about the young fella. He decided to send him off to clean downstairs, away from the bar but the American seemed to be miffed by that and set his glare on Brendan who was honestly really bored of all the drama around him. He went into his office and slammed the door, trying to drown out the music and the annoying as fuck students.

He sat in his chair and closed his eyes trying to focus on something. Something that would make his life just a little more bearable for a moment. Usually it would be a fuck session with Walker but that wasn’t an option anymore. He rubbed his forehead with his thumb to ease the tension right above his eyes but there was a migraine forming already. Cheryl said that Seamus was planning on coming down for Christmas. He had done for the past few years and Brendan managed to get himself and his sons away somewhere thankfully but this year he couldn’t go. He couldn’t leave Cheryl who was already without Nate. Last year apparently Seamus got drunk on Christmas Eve and started slurring insults at the Englishman which upset Cheryl so Nate locked Seamus outside of their flat building. Mitzeee filmed the entire thing and sent it to Brendan who made sure to save that video for all eternity.

Brendan pulled his phone out and found the video trying to elevate his mood but it didn’t do much. The thought of being anywhere near his father made him violently sick. He threw up so many times after the phone call with Seamus that by the fifth time, all he was throwing up was just saliva and stomach acid. It was bad enough he couldn’t sleep like a normal person but now his father was invading the peace he built in Hollyoaks.

“Brendan.” Jacqui walked into the office without knocking which was an irritating habit of hers. “Tony’s here to talk to ya.” She said shutting the door. “Think he’s trying to get Ste back to his restaurant, the way he’s talking to him.” Brendan saw red at the thought but he just shrugged disinterested, playing with his phone before throwing it on the desk.

“Let’s see what he’s got to say.” Jacqui smirked and crossed her arms. “I spent my time teaching Steven how to be a quality bartender. Anthony can fuck himself.” Her smirk turned into a victorious grin as she placed one hand on the doorknob.

“Didn’t know you cared so much about ‘im."

“You’ll see how much I care about ya, if you don’t leave right now.” He warned but it didn’t affect her in the slightest. She knew he’d never fire someone as essential as her. Jacqui opened the door waving someone in and Tony Hutchinson walked in looking at her unsure of himself before she gestured to the seat in front of Brendan who remained sitting down. “Forgive me for the lack of hospitality, Anthony.” Brendan spoke as Tony sat himself down. Jacqui gave a small wave over his head at Brendan and left, closing the door behind her. “Not really used to receiving guests at this hour.” Tony looked around the office, swallowing and fidgeting with his seat.

“Nice place. Dark.” Brendan bared his teeth in a wide grin.

“Thank you. What can I do for ya?” His immediate thoughts were to strangle the man if Ste’s name feel from his mouth.

“Well, Brendan.” Tony sat back in his chair, eyes focusing on Brendan. He looked really exhausted for some reason. “Me and Diane are engaged.”

“Congratulations.” Brendan interrupted still grinning.

“Yes.” Tony sighed. “So Diane wants it to be a fancy ordeal. She wants an engagement party."

“You need a venue.” Brendan remember from Mitzeee. Tony nodded.

“Yeah. We need a venue. A cheap one. Cheryl gave me a good price when I wanted to rent this place out for Cindy's…” Tony’s voice drifted off and Brendan didn’t prod. He remained silent, expecting the man to continue the conversation. Tony coughed and cleared his throat focusing on something behind Brendan’s head. “We’d be able to provide the food, I’d just need some bartenders, the drinks, honestly I wouldn’t even need you around. Just some people to pour the drinks and maybe some decorations or something like that.” Brendan cocked his head to the side.

“When would you need this ‘ _ordeal_ ’ to happen?” Tony slouched in his seat and started playing with his thumbs.

“Probably next week or so.” He mumbled. “Yeah. Next week Saturday. Would that be possible?” He looked at Brendan who grinned again.

“Of course, Anthony. It’ll cost ya though. Short notice and decorations? £350.” Tony’s eyes bulged out of his sockets.

“For one night?! You’ve got to be joking! Cheryl priced me half that!"

“Cheryl’s not here anymore. It’s my club."

“Come on, Brendan. I’ve got a wedding to pay for and me son is back living with me now.” Brendan raised his eyebrows at that, surprised at the news that Tony had a child. “Cut me a break. You know what it’s like to have a teenager in the house. Harry’s going through me entire fridge in one day.” Brendan sighed and picked up his phone an idea forming in his head.

“How about I do you one better and throw the party free of charge?” He grinned once more like a maniac at Tony who frowned. “Call it an engagement prezzie.”

“Well, I wouldn’t feel very comfortable—"

“Excellent. It’s settled.” Brendan got up and went around his desk. “Next Saturday, 7 pm, the club will be in absolute celebration over you and Diane.” He clapped Tony’s shoulder before dragging him up, ignoring Tony’s stammering.

“I don’t think that’s necessary—"

“Nonsense!” Brendan pushed him towards the door. “Yer got a wedding to pay for, a teenager eating you out.” He opened the door and smiled the last time at Tony who looked befuddled. “I’ll make sure it’ll be an unforgettable night.” He slammed the door on the man and locked it hearing Tony talk to someone else on the other side. Brendan went back to his desk and researched the Surrey police on the computer making sure to use the private browser. Walker wasn’t the only one who knew some secrets. He could get rid off the man with a single phone call. He leaned back in his chair and grabbed his phone, spinning it around in his hands a couple of times.

He’d already destroyed the man’s life by selling his brother drugs.

This would basically put him away for probably more than 3 decades.

Could he do that to someone?

Brendan looked at his phone and grinned to himself.

Who was he trying to kid? Brendan Brady will do anything if it is to his advantage.

He dialled the number.

“Shawnee. It’s Brendan Brady. Been a long time, ain’t it? I’m gonna do one more favour for ya."

Brendan Brady was a true bastard.

\\\//\\\//

Cheryl finally walked out of the house. She didn't go far. Just stepped outside of the threshold but it was a huge thing. Brendan stared in silence from the kitchen as he watched her fumble with the lock for over five minutes before opening the door, hesitating and finally walking out.

She stood there for not more than a minute, the cold November air piercing through her fuzzy pyjamas making her visibly shiver and put her hands around her. She looked at the world but Brendan couldn't pick out what she felt because her back was to him.

She walked back into the house and spend a long time closing the door. She took even longer than when she was opening it.

"It's cold." She said startling him. He thought she didn't notice him.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat, his mouth strangely dry even though there was a half drank cuppa in his hands. "What do you think?"

"I think." She wrapped her hands around her. "I think I'm not ready. I think I'm not going to be ready for a while."

"It's been a while, Chez." He told her, feeling like a traitor. "It's been three months." Her eyes narrowed at him.

"Three months is not enough."

"Three months is a while." She dropped her head slowly. "I don't want to make you feel bad. But it is. You've been holed up in that room for weeks. Haven't even thought about going back to your flat." Her hold on herself tightened. "It's just been sitting there, gathering dust."

"What am I supposed to do, Brendan?" She snapped. "It all reminds me of what..." Her voice stopped into a sob and she covered her mouth, eyes widening like saucers. Brendan put his cup on the table and crossed his arms, staring hard at the floor. As her body shook violently in a silent cry, he swallowed hard the urge to hug her unless she was the one who reached out for him. He needed to keep his distance because his constant rescuing was just going to make it more difficult for Cheryl to pick up the pieces on her own. They stood there for a while.

Cheryl near the door, silently screaming in tears and Brendan in the kitchen, at the other end of the house, silently screaming in anger.

Cheryl's mother used to say silence is violence to him when he wouldn't say how he got the bruises on his arms or the blood on the sheets.

Maggie Brady would know how to behave in this situation. She would have known how to comfort yet empower Cheryl.

Brendan didn't know. He didn't know how to make anything right.

So he kept quiet as his sister cried.

\\\//\\\//

"Yer letting Tony throw his party here, free of charge?" Jacqui asked in a flat tone. Brendan smiled at her, revealing all teeth.

"Good Samaritan. That's what they call me."

"I thought it was selfish prick." She retorted making Ste snort in the background. Brendan sent the young man a glare which didn't affect Ste in the slightest before turning back to his assistant manager.

"Why can't I do something nice?"

"'Cause that ain't you, Brendan." She crossed her arms. "Everything you do has an agenda."

"That's... Mostly true. But I'm turning over a new leaf." He explained and went behind the bar. "I'm trying to be a good man."

"You don't have a good bone in your body." She slapped her hands on the counter. "What the fuck are you playing at?" Brendan cocked his head to the side.

"Why do ya need to know?"

"Because I don't want a shitstorm." She said annoyed. "Every time you are up to something, I'm thinking I'm gonna lose me job!"

"Yer ain't gonna lose yer job, Jacqueline." He assured her. It wasn't her Brendan wanted gone. "I'm honestly trying to do something nice for a local proprietor." She tapped her nails against the counter, narrowing her eyes at him before huffing and walking off, slapping him with her long ponytail in the face. Brendan frowned after her but then looked at Ste who was wiping glasses. “How are the little bits, Steven?” The young man just eyed him suspiciously.

“Fine. Leah’s been getting excited about Christmas and Lucas has been wanting to do karate. Did you know that Leah and your son are playground friends?” Brendan shrugged.

“Heard something about it from Paddy. How would you like to work for the party? He’ll probably want you there anyways but you’d earn some extra money for good presents.” Ste put down the glass he was working on to pick up the next one.

“I doubt Tony will want me there. M’not exactly his favourite person anymore."

“I don’t know. He might have fired ya but he still likes ya.” Brendan walked closer and took the glass out of the young man’s hands. “I know I wouldn’t let an interesting fella like you get away.” Ste’s eyes met his and he could hear the younger man’s heartbeat speeding up just from the change in the atmosphere.

Until Brendan heard Walker with Kevin coming up the stairs. He moved back slightly and leaned on the bar, watching the two men and trying to cover Ste with his body as much as possible. Kevin was complaining about something to Walker, Brendan deduced from the whiny expression on his face.

“It’s not fair. The chav got training.” The blonde whined at Walker who rolled his eyes. “And I’m way more good looking than him."

“I don’t know, Kev. I think you’re a wee bit past your prime.” Brendan interjected bringing both of their attention to him. Walker smirking in his all knowing way. “There’s a private party on Saturday. Need it all to be pretty. How about you and Steven here, go and buy the decorations, bond a little and stop yer bitching.” Ste groaned from next to him, Brendan’s mind immediately running to the dirty place.

“Why do I oughtta get along with ‘im? I don’t even like him.” Ste pointed at Kevin who grimaced back at Ste. Brendan straightened up and glowered at Ste who huffed but walked out from behind the bar to grab his jacket. Kevin stuck his hand out for the money which Brendan gave without comment and the two young men left. Walker rolled his head to the side and sat on the bar stool in front of Brendan.

“How you can stand either of them is beyond me.”

“Well, I have a talent for dealing with insufferable pricks. You’d know.” Brendan smiled at him and walked to his office but Walker grabbed his wrist. “Really? Not keen on the touching.” Walker stood up and pushed himself against Brendan’s side, his breath hot in Brendan’s ear as he whispered.

“I know you still want me, Brady. Just a matter of time before you give in.” Someone quickly ran up the stairs but Brendan didn’t move quickly in time. Walker was still clutching onto his wrist as Brendan saw it was Ste waiting at the top of the stairs. The blue eyes wide as they took in the scene. Brendan wanted to scream. He wanted to lash out. But that would have ruined his plan. So he carefully detangled his wrist from Walker’s tight grip and asked Ste if he needed something else.

“I just…Forgot me phone.” Ste stammered out and went behind the bar quickly, avoiding eye contact with Brendan or Walker. The latter huffing in annoyance as they were interrupted. But the Irishman couldn’t care less as he observed the young Mancunian roaming around in the tense atmosphere for his phone. After a few more minutes, Ste finally found his phone and left but not without sending Brendan a worried glance. When the door was slammed downstairs, Brendan whipped around and slammed Walker’s face against the bar counter with all his strength.

“You ever fucking touch me again, I will pop this brain sack of yours.” He growled into the man’s ear as Walker struggled to get out of his hold. Brendan pulled back and rushed into the office, slamming the door behind him and making Jacqui glare at him from behind the desk. He sent her an apologetic glance as he paced in the office and pulled his phone out, texting Mitzeee for drinks. The sooner Walker would be out of his life, the better.

\\\//\\\//

“Fucking mess.” Brendan murmured as he opened another bottle. Mitzeee let him get drunk at her place. The boys were on their own for the night. Well, Cheryl was at home and did say she would watch a movie with them but essentially, they were on their own.

“If you’d just open your trap and tell me what’s wrong, maybe I could help.” She told him grabbing the bottle and downing half of it. She drank more than he did but Mitzeee’s alcohol tolerance was much stronger. Brendan suspected her to have some Irish roots in secret.

“I can’t tell ya, Anne.” He ran a hand over his face. “I can’t tell ya ‘cause if I say it out loud then it’s out. I can’t take it back.” She put her chin on his shoulder.

“It cannot be any worse than me and Riley doing the do.” He scrunched up his face in disgust.

“Ugh. That’s disgusting.” She cackled into his ear. “I want to get so drunk I black out, not so drunk I have to throw up.” He took the bottle. It was cheap vodka, tastes like piss but Brendan discovered that the cheaper the drink, the easier it is to get wasted. “I need Walker gone. He’s in the way. He’s always fucking there and interrupting me.” She gasped and sat up.

“Are ya telling me, you and Walker are over? Do you have someone new in sights?” He hummed noncommittally earning another gasp in response. “Oh my gosh. Do you have a crush on someone?"

“I don’t have a crush. I just want to fuck someone."

“Yeah, and Walker did that for ya but you don’t want to lover him up anymore. So who is it? This new person? Dear God, please tell me it’s not Eileen. I would not be able to take it if you went back to that horrible woman."

“S’not Eileen.” He mumbled turning over the bottle in his hands. “S’Steven.” He drank as Mitzeee tried to figure out who Brendan was referring to.

“Steven? Who the hell? Are ya talking about Ste? Ste Hay? That council boy?” He nodded. “Brendan, he’s straight. He’s got two kids and a girl on his arm every other week.” He growled at her and she raised her hands up in defence. “I’m only telling you the truth. But aww, it’s so cute you have a crush on him."

“I don’t have crushes, Anne.” He growled again. “Besides, I need Walker gone."

“What do you mean?” She reached for the giant margarita jug and drank straight from it.

“He’s in the way. And he’s got something on me. So I need him gone.”

“He’s got something on you? That doesn’t happen very often."

“No.” He agreed and drunk the rest of the contents of the bottle. “I’m fucked. And Chez is not coming back to normal. She’s just…regressing. I don’t know what to do. You have experience in being a fucking mess."

“Oh, thank you very much.” She said offended. “Me love life may be as creative as they come but at least I have a great dream career that is taking me places.”

“You call Hollyoaks places?"

“No, you idiot. I told you about me photoshoot in LA next week.” She slapped his shoulder. “You may be gay but you listen like a straight man.” He chuckled at that and stared at the clear liquid in his hands.

“I want him, Anne. I haven’t wanted anything in a long time."

“I know, Brendan. But there’s not use going down a road that is set for failure.” She said softly and got up to get another lime. But as Brendan remembered the way Ste’s breath hitched whenever the Irishman was close, he wondered. Is it really set for failure?


	7. Do I Look Lonely?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry it's a day late. I've got three jobs and college and it all just messes with my head. See y'all next week.

Someone was pounding on the door loudly as Brendan was trying to sleep off his hangover on the couch. He threw the nearest thing in that direction, not opening his eyes but the knocking just kept on getting more and more persistent. He grumbled under his breath about people being dumb as he got up.

“I’m coming!” He shouted at the door, immediately regretting the headache but the knocking did stop. “For fuck’s sake.” He held onto the doorknob and heaved for a few seconds before opening it to reveal a small brunette with green eyes, a blinding smile and a Belfast accent.

“Finally managed to wake you up.” She cheered before throwing her arms around Brendan’s neck and squeezing tight. He quickly returned the embrace, shocked by the current events. He dragged her inside the house and spun her around earning a giggle from the small woman. He pulled back to look at her in amazement but didn’t dare to let her go.

“What are ya doing here, Lyns?” She opened her mouth in a mock offence but grinned at him.

“You’re not pleased to see me? I thought we were family, Brendan.” He shook his head and smiled back at her.

“I just…I can’t believe you’re here.” He whispered.

“Yeah, let me go. Me bags are still outside.” She laughed and ran to bring her luggage in. “I’m here because I’ve missed my best friend. How is she?” Brendan looked down at the ground, not sure of how to answer that question. Lynsey sighed with her entire disappointment. “Right. D’you mind if I stay here? I’ve not booked a place yet."

“Sure, you can have Paddy’s bedroom. He won’t mind. He loves ya.” She smiled at him sadly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call for the anniversary. I know how hard that day is for you.” Brendan shook his head not wanting to open the subject.

“You should go upstairs and see Chez. You might actually make her day.” Lynsey put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly before going up the stairs. As he made a cuppa, he heard Cheryl’s surprised yet delighted voice at the sight of Lynsey. He pulled his phone out and saw that it was already lunch time. He figured he could blow off work today to spend some time with his sons and Lynsey. Cheryl maybe but it wasn’t a definite option.

 _'I did not drink enough last night._ ' Brendan thought as he waited outside of Paddy’s school for his son, Declan next to him texting his newest girlfriend. The reason why Brendan was not in the mood to stand outside the damn building was that all the women there were eyeing him in a very seductive for them way. Including fucking Sinead O’Connor. Who was walking towards him. Brendan closed his eyes and braced himself for her annoying voice.

“Hi Brendan.” She said overly sweetly. He could hear Declan put his phone away and start to enjoy the spectacle that was his father’s misery. “Haven’t seen ya in a while.” He slowly opened his eyes and focused them on the young woman.

“Sinead. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I was just walking by and saw you.” She batted her eyes innocently but came off looking like she had a stye. “I was wondering if maybe you’d like to get a drink or summat?” He turned back to watching the school gates where children were finally starting to pour out.

“Not keen on getting an STD, Sinead. Piss off.” She stood there in silence glaring at him for a moment before scoffing and turning off. Declan shook his head next to him.

“Da, you’ll never pull if you treat girls that way."

“I don’t want a girl, Deccy.” Brendan crossed his arms trying to find Paddy. “Where the fuck is my eight year old child? I thought you two finished the same time.” Declan looked down at his phone again mumbling about something. “What was that?” Declan sighed exasperated and faced his father.

“I’ve been leaving my last lessons early so I’m here in time to pick Paddy up since I’ve been in sixth form.” Brendan raised his eyebrows. “Look, you had your hands busy with aunt Chez after uncle Nathan died, I’ve got no problem missing out on half an hour of lessons I’d probably be bored through awaiting freedom so it worked out.” Brendan swallowed the uprising guilt.

“How did you get permission to leave early?"

“Fake note at the beginning of the year given to all my teachers and the school office.” Declan shrugged. “Your handwriting is super easy to fake. Plus it helped when I turned on the sympathy because me uncle was dead.”

“That is really cold blooded.”

“Not really.” Declan said putting his phone in his pocket. “I embellished the truth so I could come and pick up my little brother every day. Rachel thinks it’s really sweet.” Brendan groaned.

“Oh, Jesus, you pick up girls with that? You really are my kid.” Declan smirked.

“Yeah, but I’ve got me football ability from ma.” Paddy was running towards them with a huge grin on his face as his eyes were set on Brendan who once again was feeling the uprising guilt. He was so focused on keeping Cheryl alive, keeping the club going and keeping everything at a distance, he forgot his children. Declan may be able at coping without him better but Paddy was still a kid. They both would be dysfunctional but Brendan wanted to do something right by them.

“Da! Hi!” Paddy yelled and waved at a small boy who was walking slowly behind him with big eyes. “Da, this is Ahmed. He’s me best friend other than Leah.” Brendan nodded at the young boy.

“Hi, Ahmed. I’m Brendan.” He introduced himself to the boy who looked like he was about to piss himself from shaking so much. Brendan noticed the young boy’s coat was a lot thinner than Paddy’s.

“Da. Can Ahmed pleeeeeease come to ours over the weekend? Can he stay over?” Paddy asked and Brendan agreed immediately not seeing any reason as to why that should be a problem. The two boys jumped excitedly and whispered furiously amongst themselves when a stern woman walked up to Ahmed and grabbed his arm, talking fast in Somali.

“Hi Mrs Issa.” Paddy interjected, comfortably so. The woman looked over at him, keeping quiet but her expression softened. “This is my da. Can Ahmed come and stay over on the weekend?” The woman straightened up and looked over at Brendan who felt like he was back in Sunday school when Sister Marion was quizzing him on the Bible.

“You bring women to your house?” She asked in broken English but her tone was harsh and strict. Declan snorted next to Brendan but hid his face immediately in his father’s back as the woman glanced at his for a beat of a second.

“No. Nothing inappropriate happens when me boys are around. Your Ahmed can come over to ours any time.” She pulled a scarf out of her bag and wrapped it tightly around the small boy who was staring with a pout at the ground. She spoke in Somali to him again and when he nodded, she turned back to Brendan.

“My Ahmed will come at 3 on Saturday. He eat only fish. No pork.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “No pork. No chicken. No meat. No women. You understand, moustache man?” Brendan felt more than heard Declan snicker but the teenage wasn’t dumb enough to let it be known.

“Of course. I’ll see you on Saturday, Ahmed."

“Bye.” The small boy said quietly and waved at Paddy before letting his mother drag him away. Brendan looked at Paddy who was grinning.

“That’s so cool. His mum never let’s him do anything!” He jumped up and down. “She must like you.” He grabbed Brendan’s hand and started dragging them back home. The hand holding somewhat foreign to Brendan but not entirely unpleasant. “We’re going to make a blanket fort, okay? And order pizza. Super hot vegetarian pizza. It’s going to be so much fun! I’m really happy you came today, da. Now all the boys who say you don’t exist are feeling dumb because they are dumb. I knew you existed.” He pratted on like that, Declan walking behind them and Brendan finding out he had more layers of guilt than he initially knew existed.

Finally when they got to the house, Brendan told them that they had to be rooming together because there was an special guest staying over. Both boys started to protests but when they saw Cheryl and Lynsey sitting in the kitchen, they freaked out because Lynsey was one of their most favourite people on the planet and they would basically do anything for her.

Which was proven by the fact that both of them were fighting over who got to hug her first. Lynsey declared the fight a draw and hugged them both at the same time.

\\\//\\\//

He was at Tony’s restaurant, trying to do some tax forms in an environment that didn’t revolve around Jacqui or Walker or any new annoying employee. Even Ash was starting to bother him because she brought out her psychology degree out every fucking chance she could, driving customers and her co-workers away.

It was like a fucking playground full of grown up children.

Exhausting. Brendan shook his head as he realised that he did another mistake and pulled out rubber but the paper was already so thin, he ripped through it. He scrambled up the sheet in front of him and threw it to the side, rolling his head around trying to decrease the oncoming headache but the only thing that subsided it successfully for more than an hour was a night of drinking cheap alcohol.

He spotted Tony and Ste walking in together, laughing, with little Lucas and Leah on both of Ste’s arms. He observed curiously. Last time he spoke to Ste, the young man wasn’t keen on seeing Tony but it looked like they were back to being best friends again.

They sat at a nearby table, not spotting Brendan and he was happy to be unnoticed. He was happy to observe the young man in his natural habitat. Ste was an attentive father. Every time one of the kids called his name, he stopped his conversation with Tony to focus on what they needed. It did stir something warm in his chest to see that Lucas was holding onto the bear tightly.

Paddy never liked bears and Declan never got any when he was that age. Their family was poor and in pieces back then. It was a miracle that Declan turned out to not be emotionally constipated. Well, he did change girlfriends on weekly basis but it didn’t mean that he was emotionally stunned. No. That was Brendan’s thing. Declan had a balance and Paddy was an open book, spilling his feelings to anyone who’d cross his path. Paddy was the dangerous one.

Brendan couldn’t help but see a certain parallel between his youngest son and Ste. Both boys emitted sunshine happiness even though there was so much bad happening to them. Both cared a lot. Both wore their hearts on their sleeves. Brendan admired that. He’d love to have that quality. It could have saved him.

It could have saved more than just him.

Lucas and Leah run to the bar to order some milkshakes but on the way back, Lucas spotted Brendan and dragged Leah with him to his booth as the man quickly turned back to his paperwork.

“Nuh uh.” Leah said in her voice, climbing up the seat. “We saw you.” Lucas climbing up next to her, putting the bear in between the two siblings. He smiled brightly at Brendan looking just like his father but his hair longer and much blonder.

“Hi.” Lucas said and waved at him as if it weren’t enough to tell Brendan, the small boy was in front of him.

“What are ya doing?” Leah asked looking at the papers and scrunched up her face.

“Paperwork. It’s really boring.” He answered pushing his untouched curly fries towards the kids. It was a bad omen when a Brady was not hungry. Lucas immediately grabbed a handful and stuffed his face with them.

“Lucas.” Leah sighed annoyed. “You’re getting crumbs all over yer bear.” She pushed her free strands of hairs out of her face with her small hand and reached for one fry which she ate delicately. “My mummy says you’re a bad man but Paddy says you’re not bad at all. Me and Paddy play on the playground all the time. Are you bad?” She cocked her head to the side, watching him and chewing slowly. Brendan smiled to himself and tapped the pen against the paper.

“I’m bad to some, little bit. Good to others."

“What does that mean?” Lucas asked in between his eating.

“Means it would be best if you don’t hang around people like me.”

“But you’re funny.” Leah said getting another fry. “Paddy says so. He says his mummy is really evil and you’re the bestest dad in the world. Which is not true because our daddy is the bestest. But you’re the besets to Paddy so it’s okay.” She said convinced and a shadow loomed over the table. Brendan glanced up to see a cross Ste standing over them, glaring at his kids.

“What are you two up to? I thought your mum taught ya to not bother strangers.” Leah stood up on her seat.

“But he’s not a stranger. He’s Paddy’s dad and the man who bought Lucas a bear. Gosh, daddy.” She grabbed another fry and ate slowly. “We’re having an important talk here."

“Yes, Steven. I’m enjoying having finally a stimulating conversation with your five year old.” Brendan added with a smirk on his face as Ste’s face changed into a confused one.

“Nearly six.” She corrected.

“Nearly six.” Brendan amended. “Leave us be."

“Yes, daddy. Please leave us be.” Leah parroted.

“Shlove, daddy.” Lucas added with a mouth full of curly fries. Ste rolled his eyes but nodded.

“Fine. But we’re leaving in ten minutes and you two still have milkshakes to finish." Lucas quickly shoved the rest of his fries into his tiny mouth, waved at Brendan, grabbed his bear and run back to the table where Tony was laughing conspicuously. Leah didn't budge. She had a staring contest with Ste until the man threw his hands in frustration and walked back sitting next to his son. Leah sat back in hear seat and eyed Brendan curiously.

"I'll finish my milkshake quickly. My daddy isn't scared of ya. How comes?"

"I dunno." Brendan shrugged, his eyes flickering to the young man. "Maybe he's brave."

"He is. I want to be as brave as him. One time, grandma Pauline came by with grandad Tery and they were so mean to him. Grandad Terry kept screaming so much and hit him and I was so scared and I was crying and when daddy saw me, he told them to leave and never came back." She said proudly. "My daddy is the bravest man in the universe." She looked straight at Brendan. "Do not hurt him. You'll have me to come after you."

"You know." Brendan leaned on the table. "You're pretty scary yerself." She beamed at him.

"I know." She bid him goodbye and walked back calmly to finish her milkshake. Brendan shook his head and went back to his paperwork, trying to ignore the little happy family, he secretly craved to know better.

\\\//\\\//

Lynsey was a great addition to the household. She brought in the cheerfulness that has long been missing in Cheryl. The boys adored her with all their mighty and even Mitzeee didn't mind her. Although she was a bit put off by the fact that Lynsey came along to drop Paddy off at school with them.

Cheryl wasn't nearly back to herself, not by a mile, but she smiled more and ate with them whenever they did. Plus Lynsey's cheerful influence in the household drew out Eileen's bullshit. Brendan took his friend shopping with him when he bumped into Doug, that crazy curly guy in an ascot named Barney, the weirdo Dennis, the psycho Leanne clutching onto her boyfriend Lee and that hippie chick Texas with Dodger staring at her all puppy eyed. Brendan nearly laughed at how much their little outing looked like a school trip.

"Alright, Douglas?" Brendan asked his employee who swallowed nervously but eyes lit up immediately when they landed on Brendan's companion.

"Yeah. Just doing some weekly shopping with my roomates. You know how it can be." Brendan cocked his head to the side and took a step forward blocking Lynsey from the Yank's view. He could see his companions in the background shift uncomfortably.

"Actually. No. Not really." He grinned and slapped the young man's cheek lightly as Doug flinched slightly. He's been at the receiving end of Brendan's violence before. "Ah, just messing with ya, Douglas. But I see ya eyeballing Lynsey over there again, your little shopping trips may be cut short." Lynsey scoffed and pushed Brendan to the side.

"Don't listen to him. He gives ya any grief, you come to me and I sort him out." She smiled at Doug and took his limp hand into a handshake. "I'm Lynsey Nolan. Nice to meet ya."

"D-Doug Carter." The Yank stammered out. "I work at the club." Lynsey seemed surprised at that fact for a second.

"Really? Guess I must come by and see if your cocktail skills are as tasty as you." She flirted, winking at the young man which of course he blushed at, and turned back to Brendan who was rolling his eyes. Lynsey always had a way to charm anyone around her. "Now, you grab a trolley and stop bullying others. Bye Doug." She smiled grabbing Brendan's arm and pulling the Irishman towards the chocolate aisle. “Why do you always have to be so mean to people?” She asked him. “He looked terrified of ya."

“Well, good.” Brendan gloated. “I can’t do me job properly as being an alpha of the household if I’ve got people thinking I’m soft.” She swatted his arm but linked their hands together.

After his mum, Brendan went to live in Belfast with Cheryl, Seamus and Maggie. Maggie was convinced that Brendan was in serious need of physical affection so she always went out of her way to try to hold his hand and hug him as often as possible. Cheryl started copying her mum about three months after and Lynsey followed.

Cheryl liked to link her arms with Brendan but Lynsey took it a step further by actually interlacing their fingers. It was good sometimes because it got rid of unwanted attention for both of them and Brendan could pretend that his nightmares weren’t real, holding tight onto something that was.

Brendan stared at their hands again, feeling like Lynsey’s grip was the only thing making sense to him right now.

“You are just a big softie, Brendan.” She smiled at him and pointed a t a trolley. “This one looks good. Give me a pound.” Brendan handed over his wallet, letting go of her hand and feeling off balance again. He pulled out a list from his pocket of all the groceries they needed at home. It was double sided because no one’s gone in a while and everything was eaten in a quick amount of time.

“Alright.” He put his arm over her shoulder. “Cereal first."

\\\//\\\//

Brendan was sitting out on the stairs in cold November air, not wanting to go into the club just yet. He’d have to see Walker’s face and have to survive Jacqui’s incessant questioning and Joel’s annoying talk about Theresa McQueen. It seemed the boy was absolutely smitten with her and would talk to Brendan about her every chance he got. Little Foxy somehow got the impression that Brendan was a father figure to him.

Brendan sat up straight as he spotted Ste walking towards the club and called him over. The younger man looking apprehensive, came up to him.

“Steven, I just wanted to say. What you saw the other night. Me and Walker—"

“I know owt.” Ste interrupted him. “S’none of me business. You have yer—"

“Eileen would take me boys away.” Brendan interjected. Ste looked at him in shock. “That’s why she’s here. She’s looking for something I’ve done wrong so she can take them back to Ireland. I provide them better financial support than she could, better education, they are happier here, they are near their family and Declan’s health can be monitored regularly by one of the best doctor’s in this country since he works in the hospital.” Brendan rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb, secretly pleased at the fact that Ste’s eyes followed the motion. “If Eileen found out about me…” He couldn’t actually speak the words out loud. He physically couldn’t say what he wanted Ste to know. “All of it would be gone. And it would be for nothing because it is over.” He didn’t miss the small flicker of a small in the corner of the boy’s mouth. “So I would like to ask for your discretion.” Ste nodded.

“Of course. I know I’d do anything to protect me kids.” He grinned at Brendan. “Your secret’s safe with me, Brendan. But can I have Saturday off? I want to be at Tony’s party but not as a bartender.” Brendan stood up and loomed over him, eyeing the young man who didn’t flinch a single bit.

“You cheeky bastard.” He muttered as Ste’s mouth quirked upwards. “Blackmailing me? Really, Steven?"

“When I see an opportunity, I take it.” The younger man whispered and brushed past Brendan with a smug smirk on his voice. His shoulder lightly nudging Brendan’s, turning the Irishman around so he’d watch after him. Brendan felt something rush inside him. It was powerful and it wanted to reach for Ste. It wanted to pull him down from the stairs onto the could ground and place Ste under Brendan’s body. It wanted the Mancuanian to stop smirking and keep smirking at the same time. Brendan stared after him for a minute before sitting back down on the stairs and putting his elbows on his knees.

He wanted Ste.

And it felt like Ste himself was playing along with Brendan’s game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: [mwah!](dominikadecember.tumblr.com)


	8. Two Black Eyes From Loving Too Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WASSUP MAH PEOPLE! See y'all next week.

“You better not fuck this up, Brady.” Shawnee hissed at him over the phone. Brendan actually snorted at that. Her last bust operation went well because of him. “I’ve worked too damn hard to have it ruined by your friendship drama."

“That hurts you know.” He said eyeing Walker come out of the PriceSlice from the Caff. “I only want what’s best for ya.”

“Stop bullshitting me. Is everything settled for tonight?"

“Absolutely.” He ended the call as he watched Kevin walk up to Walker and whisper about something furiously. It was interesting to watch. Since Walker thought Kevin was the newest object of Brendan’s lust, he’s been spending a lot of time with the young man. Kevin had a panicked look on his face and was frantically grabbing onto Walker’s arm.

The Englishman on the other hand looked around with an annoyed expression before pushing Kevin against a wall and saying something to him. Brendan quickly turned on his video app and zoomed in at the little scene. It wouldn’t hurt to have some interesting surveillance on the man, other than what he already had. Walker looked around again, stepped back from Kevin who looked like he was about to cry and pulled something out of his jacket. Brendan had to restrain himself from laughing as he recognised the small baggie of brown powder.

Kevin took the bag quickly and stuffed it into his pocket looking gratefully at Walker who shoved the young man’s head so it slammed hard against the wall backwards and walked away. Kevin groaned and slid to the ground as Walker disappeared from the view. Brendan turned off the video and grinned to himself. This was going to be a lot easier than he thought.

\\\//\\\//

Ahmed was a rather quiet boy compared to Paddy but still as exhausting. Brendan met his father who was just as stern as his mother but there was something about him that said he would be lenient when Ahmed needed him to be. Lynsey was interviewing at the hospital so she was out at the time and Cheryl was helping Paddy upstairs get out all of their blankets.

Declan agreed that it would be best if he stuck around in case the two small boys were bored and Brendan told himself it would be best to stay away from any action at the club. Apparently it was a large party so it was a good thing that he got most of his employees working it. Except for Ste. Who managed to get his Saturday off and be Tony's guest instead.

"Da. Can we order pizza please? Can it be with pepperoni? Ahmed's never had pepperoni." Paddy batted his eyes at him. Brendan put his paper on the table.

"He's not allowed." He said evenly to his son whose bottom lip started to quiver.

"We won't tell. I promise we won't." Brendan looked over at his son's friend who was staring hopefully at him.

"We'll get half and half but neither of you tell anyone or you'll both be in a world of hurt. Understand?" Ahmed smiled at him brightly, revealing a large gap in his front teeth.

"Yes, Mr Brady." His voice happy as Brendan picked up the phone to call the pizza place.

Declan was busy building the most amazing blanket fort in the living room, using the couches and the fire place. The TV of course was covered as well. He tied all the blankets together with all his strength so that they'd hold up for a while whilst Paddy bounced around excited and Ahmed stated amazed. Paddy explained to Ahmed that his big brother was the best and knew how to do everything when someone knocked on the door. Declan opened it to reveal DCI Shawnee standing there with a couple of uniforms behind her.

"Brendan Brady." She said past the teenager's shoulder. "You need to come down to the station for questioning." Brendan raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Declan, you're in charge." He said putting on his leather coat. "Just in case, tell Chez I'm at the station. And here." He pulled out some notes. "Money for the pizza." Declan tried to stop him and ask questions but Brendan shook his head. He didn't want to say anything to incriminate his own son. Shawnee didn't speak as she walked him downstairs and put him in the back of her car. He could see people outside of his club staring curiously but Walker was not amongst them. Curiously, neither was Kevin. But Ste was staring open mouthed with his Amy talking in his ear out front.

Brendan sent Ste a wink from the car which he hoped was a discreet one to put the younger man at ease and settled himself comfortably in the back seat of Shawnee's car.

She didn't speak the whole way to the police station and neither did the officers in the car. Finally when they arrived, Brendan tried not to gloat as the people there eyed him curiously, wondering what the Inspector would try to pin on him now. She asked if he wanted his solicitor present but Brendan just shook his head as he took his seat opposite her.

"Mr Brady, are you aware that Simon Walker who is your employee, also is this county's newest heroin and cocaine distributer?" Brendan nodded and took his phone out.

"As of this morning. To be honest, I never suspected a thing." He said conversationally as he looked for the video. "Here." He shoved the phone in her direction which she took immediately, pressing on the screen. Her face trained into permanent frown, did not give anything away.

"We will need a copy of this video." She gave the phone back.

"Of course. Can I ask, why am I here? I think I've been nothing but a model civilian since the last time I saw you." Shawnee crossed her arms over her chest and leaned backwards.

"Precisely because you were linked with the last few drug cases, I've brought you down here. Walker claims you had your employee, Kevin, stash the drugs in his place of residence." Brendan snorted at that. "Something funny Mr Brady?" He leaned back in his chair as well but twisted the phone around on the table.

"'Course he'd say that." This was it, there was no going backwards from this. His father's voice taunting him in the back of his head about how he was right about Brendan all along. And it's true. He was right about this. He was right about all the other things probably as well. "Walker's kind of funny that way." Shawnee narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Me and him had a...well...relationship of sorts. I ended it. He did not take it well. And he's been the one personally mentoring Kevin on his own accord because he's jealous. Of what, I've no clue. But I haven't actually spoken more than a sentence with the boy." Shawnee clicked her tongue.

"That's believable. What kind of a relationship did you and Walker have? A business partnership? We know it was you who sold the drugs to his brother." Brendan held up a finger.

"I believe that Danny Houston was charged with that, Inspector. Please do not accuse me here. I came on my own and am speaking to you of my own free will. It was a sexual relationship." He could see Shawnee freeze up at that. She did not expect an answer like that. "I ended it. Simon is a bit rough to take in after a while." He smiled at Shawnee who blinked at him, paralysed in her seat. "D'you need anything else? You can ask anyone at the club and they'll tell you the same, Walker gave Kevin special attention. Maybe he was rebounding." He patted his chin thoughtfully with his free hand. "Hmm. Are we done?" She stared at him with bulging eyes before getting up and leaving the room.

Brendan sighed feeling exhausted. He just admitted to being a faggot. Seamus Brady was cackling somewhere in Belfast at how right about his fag of a son he was. His most protected secret was out. He felt like he was unravelling.

Brendan looked out the window. There wasn't any one way mirrors. It looked like an office actually. Paperwork on the table. He suspected there was a camera somewhere in the room but it wasn't something he looked out for. It started to rain outside. He looked at the droplets beating harshly against the window. Almost hail like. Autumn was nearly over.

He thought about Vinnie. The Vinnie he fucked right before Danny came in and bashed the boy's head in. He thought about Macca and how useless the piece of shit was. Not even good at sucking him off. His mind flashed to pink plump lips and long eyelashes, accessorizing the blue eyes. He thought about Father Des. Poor Father Des. He had no idea that Brendan had strayed from his faith. Brendan compromised himself entirely in a span of one afternoon.

However. To get rid of an annoying, incessent and petulent roach that has been plaguing him for years, it was worth playing a card he's kept quiet for thrty four years.

His birthday really started off with a bang.

A police officer walked in and announced that Brendan was free to go but if they had anymore questions, they'd call him back in. As Brendan was walking into a corridor, he saw Walker at the end in cuffs. He was looking bored but when his eyes landed on the Irishman, his expression turned into a furious one. He started mouthing something at Brendan who cocked his head to the side and tried to make out the words but two uniforms dragged Walker away quickly so he didn't get a chance to. Shawnee met him outside, smoking a cigarette without a coat on. How she wasn't freezing, was anyone's guess.

"So." She started. "You and Walker." She motioned to the building with her head. "Thanks for that. Been trying to get him for years."

"Mm. I remember. Attacked a girl on the job, weren't it?" She nodded in response. "Tell me, Inspector. How many people are actually going to know about my special...relationship?" She rolled her eyes and stubbed her cigarette out under her heel.

"It's gonna get out, Brady. Things like that don't stay buried. Especially since Walker looks like he has a vendetta against ya. Word to the wise? Tell your closest now. Control how your information comes out."

"You always look out for me." He smiled at her earning a grimace in return.

"Don't flatter yourself. Your useful, helped catch the bastards in the past. But Walker was one of us. This collar really means something." She crossed her arms. "For everyone. Crack and heroin? No one will be seeing Simon Walker for a long time." Brendan grinned.

"Good. You want the video?" She shrugged.

"Well, the tip you rang in was useful in getting us a lot of evidence and his flat spoke on its' own but we might need it. Sent it to me on WhatsApp." She eyed him up and down. "Thanks for not fucking if up this time, Brady. I like it when there's no bodies for me to deal with." She patted herself down and walked back into the station. Brendan stared at the empty spot for half a minute before flipping off the building and turning the other way to go back home.

\\\//\\\//

“You’re a good for nothing slag who walks around with her knees open for anyone who’ll look!"

“YA DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW A SLAG WORKS IF YA CALL HER A SLAG!” Mitzeee screamed at Mercedes, her hands lashing out on the air as Brendan tightened his grip dragging her away from the fight scene. Riley Costello was standing on the side shaking his head as Lynsey was laughing hard and clutching onto Doug’s shoulder. The whole situation escalated as Mitzeee and Brendan were going to the PriceSlice for some tea and Mercedes McQueen started slagging her off for ‘ _stealing_ ’ Riley. “AND I CAN SLEEP WITH AS MANY PEOPLE AS I WANT AND STILL HAVE SELF RESPECT BECAUSE I’M A BLOODY INCREDIBLE PERSON WHO WORKS HARD FOR HERSELF UNLIKE YOU WHO GOES CRAZY OVER ANY BLOKE WHO’LL LOOK AT HER!” Mercedes screeched at the words as Bart and John Paul McQueen were trying to calm her down.

“YER A FUCKING LYING SLUT WHO ONLY WANTS WHAT SHE CAN’T HAVE!” Mitzeee tried to turn to Brendan who was nearly inside the club with her under his arm.

“Turn me ‘round. Turn me ‘round.” She murmured to him and Brendan followed suit. “I DON’T WANT YER SLOPPY SECONDS! YES OFFENCE, RILEY! Okay, I’m done.” She told Brendan. “Take me in, take me in before she starts.” But Mercedes was starting to scream again and spitting everywhere. Brendan quickly slammed the door as soon as he put Mitzeee down inside the club. “Should we order Chinese?” She asked him, strutting up the stairs in her heels and adjusting her bra over her dress. “I think you might’ve actually tightened my rib cage which is going to do wonders for me figure.” He trudged up behind her and shoved her onto the couch. “Excuse me!"

“You’re excused.” He muttered and looked over at Kevin. “Get us some food. I like meat, she likes prawns.” He pulled out a wallet. Kevin scowled at him but took the money and walked out through the fire escape. Brendan grabbed two cokes and sat next to Mitzeee who was admiring her nails. “I’ve gotta tell ya something’.” He murmured, grabbing her hand and looking at the nails. They were pretty nice. “It’s about Walker.” She gasped and pointed a finger at him.

“I knew you had something to do with his arrest!” She hissed at him with satisfaction.

“Shut the fuck up, would ya?” She scoffed at him.

“Oh, ‘cause you chose such a private spot."

“For fuck’s sake. Listen.” He took a deep breath. “Walker was here because he blackmailed me. Over his brother. He was a drug addict and the supply Danny gave me back then, it made it’s way to the boy. So that’s why he was here. But the reason why the police wanted to arrest Walker was different. The reason why Shawnee wanted to arrest him was different.” Mitzeee stared at him, her eyes in fierce concentration. “He used to be a copper. But on one of his cases, he brutally assaulted a woman.” He said in a hushed tone. “The woman was his half sister. She was also Shawnee’s best friend.” Mitzeee’s eyes widened in shock.

“It’s a good thing you and Shawnee worked together in the past. What I don’t understand is why you risked everything to turn Walker in now.” There was a loud slam heard downstairs and they could see Ste walking in, looking exhausted. Mitzeee clicked her tongue and a smug expression appeared on her face. “Right. You softie.”

“Yeah. Not only that.” He murmured eyeing the young man as he walked to the basement to change. “I told Shawnee about me and Walker fucking too.” Mitzeee gasped and hit his shoulder hard.

“You are an utter bastard, Brendan. Only telling me now? It’s been four days since that fucking engagement party.” She leaned back in her seat and scooted closer to him as the door opened up again to reveal Lynsey and Doug walking in, laughing like old friends. “I think I’m pregnant with Riley’s baby.” She murmured with the corner of her mouth. Brendan looked at her in shock and wanted to ask what she was planning to do but she just grinned at him. “I love how our friendship basically works by us telling each other mind blowing news and not being able to explore it without having a night of drinking.”

“You can’t drink with a baby.” He commented and her face dropped.

“Really? I was hoping to get pissed tonight.” She turned to Lynsey who was sitting at the bar chatting with Doug. “Lynsey! Is it true that people shouldn’t drink when they’re pregnant?”

“Yes.” She answered like it was common sense. “Are ya with a baby, Mitzeee?”

“God, no. I would never let my body go through such a horrendous ordeal.” She smiled at the Irishwoman and turned to Brendan with a sour expression as he chuckled and put an arm around her.

“You’ll be alright, Anne.” He muttered into her hair and kissed the top of head. “Whatever you want to do, I’m here."

"I know." She beamed leaning her head on his chest.

When Brendan came back home, Cheryl was standing in the kitchen with wide eyes and Declan was sitting at the table looking pissed off and demanding an explanation. He told them that Walker had been arrested quietly as Paddy and Ahmed were in the blanket fort watching a movie. The house smelling of pizza. Cheryl shook her head disbelievingly but Declan didn't say a word. He just asked why did the police question Brendan.

The Irishman shrugged in response and said it was probably because he was his employer.

Declan hummed knowingly but didn't say anything else.

Ahmed's mother came to pick him up. She scrunched up her face at the sight of Lynsey and Cheryl in the kitchen but the two women explained who they were in regards to Paddy which appeased the woman.

"Strong women in family are good." She told Brendan before walking out with her son in tow. Paddy had a happy weekend but Declan was more cold than usual towards his father. Something was up but Brendan couldn't judge really. He had his own share of secrets and repressed emotions.

"D'you know what?" Lynsey sat opposite Brendan and Mitzeee. "I think that you two ought to get together." She said motioning to them. Mitzeee and Brendan snorted in unison. Even if Brendan fancied vaginas, Mitzeee was the last person he'd stick his dick in. And even though Mitzeee went crazy for Brendan's accent when they first met, she'd never let him touch any of her precious assets. It just never was about sex between them.

"Your brain, Lynsey." Mitzeee grinned. "How is it you're a nurse?" The other woman perked up at the mention.

"That's right! I interviewed for a job at the hospital here and I got it. It was perfect timing because they're short staffed." She grinned. "So I was wondering if I could maybe sublet Cheryl's flat instead of staying at yours and making poor Paddy sleep in Declan's room." Brendan blinked.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Lyns. Chez is pretty attached to that place." The Irishwoman's face fell.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course. It wouldn't be right." She said quietly and looked at her hands. "I'll look for some other place."

"Don't be silly." Mitzeee scoffed. "Brendan will talk to her, won't ya?" He didn't get a chance to answer before Mitzeee clapped his shoulder. "Great. It's all sorted."

\\\//\\\//

When Brendan walked into the house, his son was playing with Leah and Lucas whilst Amy was standing in the kitchen talking with Declan. The teenager clearly appreciating the female attention of an older woman.

"Da!" Paddy shouted happily and pointed at his face which was covered in glitter. "D'you think I could be a model?" Brendan sighed.

"Why can't you be more masculine?" He muttered to himself. "Being a model is hard work, Paddy. You need to look a certain way. And yer not allowed to eat things like roast chicken." Paddy gasped and Leah looked sharply at Brendan.

"I love roast chicken." She said seriously. "I'm not giving it up."

"Roast chickwen! Roast chickwen!" Lucas sang, jumping up and down on the couch with his teddy bear. Amy called his name from the kitchen and came over.

"Get your coats. We're going home." Leah looked at her mother and crossed her arms.

"But I want to stay here with Uncle Brendan." The Irishman raised his eyebrows in surprise and looked over at Declan who seemed just as startled. Amy didn't even spare a glance in Brendan's direction.

"Leah, don't be difficult. Get your coat on and we'll see what daddy made for dinner. You've played with Paddy long enough." The little girl turned her back to Amy and Lucas looked confused as to which of the women in his life he should listen to. "Leah! I'm getting angry." The little girl ignored her and looked at Brendan with defiance in her eyes. The Irishman withheld his smirk and took Leah's coat of the hook. The little girl hesitated for a moment before standing up and taking it.

"You should listen to yer ma sometimes." He muttered. Leah scrunched up her face.

"I think I like better doing what I want." Lucas bounced to the coat rack and tried to jump to get his own but he was too short so Brendan helped him out as well. As soon as the kids were dressed. Amy ushered them outside, glaring at Brendan furiously.

"That was interesting." Declan commented.

"Was it?" Brendan walked past his son to the fridge. It was empty again. "Fuck. You up for some grocery shopping or we ordering in?"

"Kebabs!" Paddy yelled from the living room where he turned on the television.

"Why do people hate you?" Declan asked suddenly. Brendan turned to him. "And why are they scared of you? What do you do to them?" Brendan stared at his son for a few tense seconds. He could sense Paddy pretending not to eavesdrop and Declan standing bravely in front of him.

"Because I'm a piece of shit, Deccy." Brendan answered simply. "You know that better than anyone. And you don't need to know the specifics. There are some things I'm not comfortable with my child knowing." Declan snorted.

"Diplomatic." He walked off in a huff and sat next to his brother, ignoring their father's existence. Paddy hit Declan with a nearby pillow and laughed as the teenager hit him back, ready for the moment. Brendan watched as his two children were battling with pillows feeling something warm in his chest. It was a familiar feeling but he never found the word for it. It came up every time he thought about how his children had a strong bond between each other. It came up every time he saw either Declan or Paddy protect their sibling.

It was a good feeling.

The two boys may have had shit parents but they had each other. And that was something Brendan wanted to protect more than anything.


	9. Sunsets On The Evil Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own HO.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and the kudos! They mean so much to me. 
> 
> Also, have a lovely Christmas guys!

December finally dawned upon Hollyoaks with cold temperature and rain. The car was silent as the droplets hit the windshield. Cheryl stared out the window. Declan was on his phone and Paddy mimicked his aunt. Brendan kept his eyes more on the rearview mirror than on the road, memories of last time coming down this road.

Music from Declan's earphones was humming in the silence.

It's difficult to know. What is right when it comes to respecting the dead.

Seamus always said the men keep quiet and the women cry. He still upheld that philosophy and passed it onto his son every time he went into Brendan's room.

"Brendan!" Cheryl shouted as he avoided swerving into the other lane. Breathing hard and fast, he clutched the wheel tighter and coughed.

"Sorry." He muttered to the others. The tension was thick enough already without him trying to kill everyone. Cheryl shook her head but turned back to looking out the window. Nate's family finally gave up their crusade against her. Or rather, Nate's father. The rest of the family still believed she was a gold digging whore who conned their poor Nate into leaving all his inheritance to her.

Brendan spend too long hearing all that to think of it as an incredulous thought. He wanted to laugh at first. Cheryl Brady was a lot of things but a money seeking tramp was not one of them.

They finally arrived at the church gates looming over the windshield. Cheryl didn't say a word but her breathing changed rapidly to one of a fast pace. Brendan parked the car in one of the empty spaces. There were many.

Declan was the first out of the car, taking the flowers out of the boot with Paddy standing awkwardly next to him. Brendan looked at his little sister who was as pale as a blank piece of paper. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to say it was alright.

But he didn't know how to do that. He wasn't programmed for it.

"Chez." He said quietly observing her. Cheryl closed her eyes and swallowed forcing her breathing back to normal.

"I know." She replied and got out of the car. They passed the somber crosses, the colourful wilted flowers. Paddy had a small umbrella with him but no one else was using theirs. No one else cared about the rain.

Cheryl didn't break down seeing Nate's tombstone. She just shrugged.

"S'not the one he wanted." She shrugged. Declan placed the flowers on the grave. There were many lilies. But they brought tulips. The blue contrasting vividly with all the white. "Thanks, love." She said at Declan, voice void of emotion.

Brendan turned away as she kneeled down on the ground, muddying up her blue dress.

' _Happy birthday, Nate._ ' He thought.

\\\//\\\//

Most of the staff called in sick with a virus which mean that they were short staffed. Only Ste, Brendan and Ash were in. Even Jacqui was down for the time being. And unfortunately, the club was full of students wanted to get wasted and forget about their deadlines. The queue outside was massive as well.

Brendan had to leave the paperwork till later on and serve with Ash on the bar whilst Ste was on the floor by himself. But the younger man was doing really well. When Ash questioned him about it, the Mancunian just smirked and said this was nothing compared to a restaurant before heading back to the floor. It was exhausting but they were managing and Brendan even spotted a few drug deals going on before kicking them out of the club. He had enough of dealings with the coppers on his own. At the thought of his last encounter, his eyes flashed quickly as Ste who was smiling flirtatiously at one of the female students.

Brendan accidentally broke one of the Martini glasses.

But no one noticed. He cleaned it up quickly and went back to serving the dumb students, making sure he wouldn't look into Ste's direction for the rest of the evening. Ash had to deal with an idiot who was trying to grab at her but the girl just refused to serve anyone else if he didn't leave the club and the students all rallied up to kick him out. It's amazing how people react when you take away their alcohol.

Finally after the last of the drunk left the club, they closed up.

"Ash, you're gonna be okay getting home?" Ste asked collecting the left over glasses. She snorted from wiping down the tables.

"Please. Anyone who thinks they'll be able to mess with me, is a nimrod." She grabbed the leftover glasses from under the table. "Is it going to be this crazy tomorrow as well?" She asked Brendan as she put the glasses on the bar. "'Cause if so, get more people." He paused in his task of counting the money.

"Didn't even consider that. Thank you, Ash." He hissed.

"Misplaced aggression, Brendan. Get more people." She turned back to wiping the tables. Brendan rolled his eyes and went back to counting the money. Ash left a little after they closed promising Ste she'd text him when she'd get in leaving the two men to finish up.

"So." Ste started. Brendan kept on seeing that stupid girl who he smiled at. "You've got your presents sorted yet?" Brendan lifted his head from the stock paperwork he was working on. "For Christmas." Ste grinned and bent his knees a little. "Betting yer lot are excited, huh?" He stalked over towards the bar as he finished mopping the floor. Brendan raised an eyebrow at the movement but didn't say a word. "Ooh-kay." Ste said slowly putting his hand up in a surrender type of gesture. "Not a bonding type of bloke. Got it." Brendan felt himself smirk and walked around the bar, his left hand still lingering on the surface. Ste's eyes followed the hand before jumping back to his face. The younger man's expression changing to one of fear.

"You want to bond, Steven?" Brendan asked him and stood right in front of the Mancunian. "Talking is not really **my** way of bonding." The younger man swallowed nervously but his eyes never left the Irishman's.

"What is it?" He asked quietly, a small tremor in his voice. Brendan felt like the animal inside of him was let out of its' cage with just that one question. In a manner of seconds he grabbed Ste's hips and violently pushed him up against the bar before growling and finally sealing them in a kiss he's craved since the young man decked him.

Ste, shocked for a miniscule of a second, laughed at Brendan's growl and responded enthusiastically by dragging his hands into Brendan's hair so hard, there were surely scratch marks on the man's scalp.

Bliss.

It's was a foreign word to Brendan. Meaning never comprehended.

When his lips met the soft plump one's however, it was as close as he could come. Ste's mouth was soft and tasted like iron before Brendan registered that he was biting so hard, he'd drawn blood. His hold on the younger man tightening with each second. His tongue impatient and prodding Ste's mouth to open which obliged wilingly, the taste of blood and saliva mixed in as flesh met flesh and battled for dominance. The Irishman felt himself react at the idea and his hips thrusted slightly against the younger man's thigh. Ste pushing in closer so their groins were aligned and he could feel the Mancunian's erection grinding against his. Fabric in the way. Brendan growled, biting at Ste's mouth.

The phone rang. Ste jumped away startled, pushing Brendan back. It was his mobile. He looked down.

"Ash." Ste coughed, clearing his throat. "Ash got home safe." He looked at Brendan's shirt. The Irishman wanted to laugh. The kiss only lasted a few minutes. The longest few minutes of his life yet still not long enough. He did laugh. He laughed and went back behind the bar to do the paperwork.

He wanted for it. He wanted for the ' _faggot_ , the ' _wrong_ ', the _'queer'_ , the ' _paedophile_. He waited for everything they usually said. He waited for everything Seamus swung at him. He clutched the pen tightly ready to swing.

But he felt a presence behind him and in a second was flung around with lips back on his, blue eyes drawing him in. Brendan pulled back surprised.

“I thought we were bonding.” Ste retorted and dragged him back in murmuring for more. Glasses clacked as Brendan’s arse was pushed up against them and filthy sounds were made by the younger man. He felt himself grin into the kiss and placed his hands on Ste’s shoulders, letting the other man set the pace. Ste’s kissing was desperate as if he wanted to feel Brendan as much as possible. His hands pulling Brendan’s shirt out of his trousers and scrunching it up in his grip. Grinding against each other until Brendan’s phone rang. He groaned and leaned his head against Ste’s. Hot panting on each others’ faces as the melodic tone broke through the sound of their breathing.

Brendan pulled the phone out of the pocket, his left hand clutching onto Ste’s neck, keeping him locked in one place.

“What?” He grunted into the phone.

“ _Da! Declan’s got a burst!_ ” Paddy shouted into the receiver panicked. Brendan frowned and looked at Ste confused.

“Wha?” Someone grumbled and he could hear the phone being passed to someone.

“ _Bren, Deccy’s appendix burst and I’m driving him to the hospital. Lynsey’s going to meet us there._ ” Cheryl told him in a more steady voice and he could hear Declan groaning in the background in pain.

“Fuck.” He closed his eyes and buried his head in Ste’s neck as the younger man rubbed his back in circles. “I’ll meet ya there. Thanks Chez.” He put the phone in his pocket and moved away from the Mancunian. “Steven, get your things. I can drop you off on the way.”

“You alright?” He heard him ask. But Brendan just shook his head and checked the fire exit. It was closed. “Brendan. About what happened.” He looked at the younger man who seemed nervous and fiddled with the edges of his thin shirt. “I think I’m gay.” He took a deep breath. “Rae’s going to be so disappointed.” Brendan snorted.

“Don’t worry, Steven. I won’t tell yer bird.” He cocked his head at the stairs. “Get yer stuff. Come on."

“Can it be…?” Ste hesitated as he walked over and his hand hovered next to Brendan’s unsure if he should take it. “Can you not tell anyone? I want to umm… _bond_ more in private before me Amy scares you off.” He smiled nervously at Brendan who wanted to laugh at the thought of the thin blonde girl trying to do anything. He wanted to laugh at the idea of whatever was going on being something more than a one time thing.

He wanted to laugh at Ste’s naivety.

“Get yer stuff, Steven. I won’t tell no one.”

He wouldn’t admit it to anyone but he wanted to be naive for a moment too.

\\\//\\\//

“So Declan’s going to be alright?” Brendan asked Lynsey. Cheryl was sitting in the waiting room with Paddy sleeping in her lap. Eileen wasn’t picking up when he rang her. He wasn’t sure that she was even still in England.

“He’s getting an appendectomy right now which is the normal procedure when someone gets appendicitis. And the recovery time is only a couple of days. We should keep him in the hospital but he’s probably not going to return to school before the holidays.” She told him before heading back to nurse duties. Brendan shook his head and sat next to his sister who looked tired but good. It was a good thing to see her out of the house.

“You remember when we went to that theme park in Scotland and you got knocked down by one of the rides?” She asked in a steady voice. "You were so bloody but you didn't want daddy to know because you were afraid of getting into trouble. So I just reacted. I got you cleaned up and when we was back in the hotel room, I found a medic to look at ya. I was so set on making sure you weren't hurt. It was the same with Deccy." She looked down at Paddy and combed her fingers through his hair. "I didn't think I had it in me anymore. To care about someone else." She murmured quietly.

"You'll always care." Brendan told her. "That's the problem with you, sis. No matter how hard it gets, you'll never turn it off."

The three Bradys sat in silence of the waiting room.

\\\//\\\//

Eileen finally came to the hospital at noon the next day. Of course, appendicitis was Brendan's fault. She was screeching at him out in the hallway whilst in front of Declan, she played the role of a nurturing mother however it was Cheryl that never left his side. Lynsey and Mitzeee stopped by often as well. Mitzeee mostly bringing things she's bought to cheer Declan up.

The teenager himself rolled his eyes at the affection everyone was showing him (Paddy throwing himself dramatically onto the foot of the bed crying about not wanting to lose his brother) however whenever someone left the room, Brendan noticed a flicker of panic he recognised in himself to well.

The fear of people not coming back. The whole 'child in the hospital' thing was giving him bad memories anyway so he wasn't keen on staying by his son's bedside but that panicked looked was one that haunted him even when he went for a piss.

Cheryl fell asleep at one point with Paddy curled at the foot of Declan's bed. Brendan got himself some water when he heard Declan quietly calling out to him. He turned to see his son's eyes staring right at him.

"Hey." He whispered and went to sit in the chair next to the bed. "How are ya feeling?" He passed the cup to the teen but Declan shook his head.

"Like I won't be able to shit for a year." They chuckled at that.

"You gave Chez and Paddy a scare."

"My mission in life." Declan raised his hand up lightly in victory. "I win." Brendan hit his arm playfully but they were both grinning. "Did you?" Brendan looked at him confused. "Have a scare, that is." Brendan swallowed the entire contents of the plastic cup before answering.

"I..." He stopped as Paddy stirred but resumed when the little boy didn't wake up. "I'm always scared. Thinking about you out in the world. I remember when back in Ireland you crawled out of yer crib and went through our fields to the neighbour's crop. All by yourself on all fours. Yer gran went ballistic. Yer ma cried for hours. I just....I just spent the next week not letting you out of my sight. Literally. Barely slept and when I did, it was next to you." Declan observed his father with curiosity. "You three and Anne are the most important people to me. But just because I'm scared, it doesn't mean I'll lock you all up in a room. Because that doesn't matter." He thought about the reason he didn't want to be here. "You'll get hurt either way."

"That's real nice, da." Declan whispered. "I'm sorry I was a jerk about the Walker thing."

"Declan." Brendan put his hand on his son's head and wiped away the sweat but didn't take his head away. "Yer a good kid who knows what's wrong and right. I'm sorry you have a da like me." The teen shrugged but he welcomed his father's touch.

"You're better than ma and grandpa Seamus. He fucked you up and she abandoned us. Out of all parental figures me and Paddy've got, you're alright." Brendan felt pride swell inside of him as his son told him he wasn't as much of a fuck up as he thought. "Can you do me a favour? I was supposed to take Tina out for fish and chips tomorrow but clearly that isn't going to happen. Can you pass me my phone? Gonna text her." Brendan found Declan's phone in his belongings and shook his head.

"How many girls are you after?"

"Da. You and I never gonna have a conversation about girls so please stop."

"At least treat them nicely."

"I am!" Declan shouted in a whisper. "They're the ones who decide they want to be friends instead!” Brendan snorted at that. “I treat them all nice and they decide they want a guy with a little more danger! I don’t understand the female sex.” Brendan passed him his phone and sat back down.

“Yeah. Thankfully me either."

\\\//\\\//

Mitzeee was screeching in his ear as he walked to the club.

“I don’t have anyone to come with me, Brendan! You better come!” Her heels clicking loudly as she rushed to keep up with him.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Get the guy who impregnated you to go!”

“I don’t want that pinhead to be involved! I want me best friend to help me through a difficult time!” She grabbed onto his arm and stopped him. “Brendan Seamus Brady, I swear to the highest religious denomination you believe in. You will be there for me and me baby or you will see what hell on earth really is.” She threatened with a glare and stormed off with a huff.

“WHEN IS THE BLOODY THING?!” He yelled after her.

“Four thirty! Tomorrow!” She yelled back without turning around. Brendan shook his head and resumed his short walk. He was tired from spending time in the hospital and last night Jacqui did cover for him. She was barely breathing but she did it because she actually liked Declan. She dragged Rhys to help her as well. But Brendan realised he’d go crazy in that hospital so he decided to get back to work. Cheryl was with Declan anyways. Eileen coming in and out of the hospital. Her memories were as painful as Brendan’s.

He’d get Paddy off to school this morning. The little boy missed enough of school anyways. And it didn’t matter that the last two weeks of school were always students screwing around, especially primary school kids. Which he had to explain to his son over and over as he walked him to school.

The club was empty so he sat himself on the couch and closed his eyes, basking in the silence and calmness. He didn’t have the time to process anything yet. He didn’t want to process anything yet but in that moment, he finally had a chance to.

He kissed Ste. And Ste kissed him.

It could have been chalked up to how exhausted he was so that he lost his inhibitions. But no. He wanted to. He wanted him so badly. He wanted to taste. To take. So he finally did and he wasn’t nowhere near finished.

He wanted more. He wanted to take those blue eyes and see them roll in ecstasy as he fucked into him. He wanted to hear more of those noises, he got a brief glimpse of. He wanted those plush lips around his cock. He wanted to wake up and see--

“Fuck!” Brendan’s eyes snapped open and he looked around the club, breathing hard trying to get that fucking dumb idea out of his head. Trying to forget he even tried to go there. He rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. That was it. Just plain exhaustion.

He went into the office, paperwork on his desk but he ignored it and lied down on the couch, trying to get some sleep. A second later he was being shaken awake by someone feeling disorientated.

“Brendan! Fucking hell.” A voice spoke. “Wake up.” He blinked at the person. It was Jacqui. She looked like she was about to sneeze. He jumped off the couch in a flash.

“What time is it?” He could hear the music outside and ran his hands over his face. Jacqui sneezed. “Bless you.”

“We’ve been open for two hours now. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the hospital with your family?” Brendan pulled his phone out and saw fifteen missed calls from various numbers.

“Fuck! Paddy!” He ran out leaving Jacqui behind. He pushed people out of his way and he ran to the house, not sure exactly if Paddy was there and panic rising in his throat. It was dark and anything could have happened to a young boy. Flashes of what happened to Brendan at that age were paralleling with the reality in front of him. He was in front of his door when he heard a familiar voice. He went inside to see Paddy playing with Leah, Lucas and Ste. He felt so confused and disorientated.

“Da! You didn’t pick me up.” Paddy glared at him. “You said you would pick me up.”

“I…” Ste stood up and motioned to the kitchen.

“Sorry, I rang ya but you wasn’t picking up.” He smiled at Brendan nervously. “He wanted to wait for ya and we did but when you weren’t showing up, the school was closing as well, so I decided that I should bring him here."

“Thank you, Steven. I fell asleep at the club.” Brendan rubbed his head again. “It’s been a long week.” He murmured and felt himself being pulled around the corner. Ste took his face into his hands.

“Everything’s going to be okay, you know.” He said sincerely and Brendan felt himself soften at the words. He pulled the younger boy closer by his thin jacket and pressed their lips together. It was just a simple kiss but it set his body on fire instantaneously. Ste’s hands spasmed around his face and moved into his hair deepening the kiss and opening his mouth to get closer to Brendan.

Children’s laughter broke them apart. Both breathing heavily and looking lustfully at each other. Brendan’s brain shortening out and all thoughts gone.

“Daddy!” Lucas run over to them. “Paddy shaid tomato is a fwuit. Ish that twue?” Ste looked away from Brendan and down at his son.

“Uh, yeah.” The two Hays went back into the living room whilst Brendan felt a headache coming on.

\\\//\\\//

He wanted to cry out. He wanted his ma to come and help him. He wanted someone to come and help him. He wanted it to end. He wanted someone to save him.

“Da!” He sat up, blinking awake. Declan woke him up, looking worried at his father. Brendan felt the sweat pouring off him. Paddy and Cheryl sleeping in the corner, huddled together. “You were making this noise. Like you were in pain.” Brendan shook his head. “You alright?” He chuckled.

“I’m fucked up, Deccy.” He breathed and looked at his son. “How are ya feeling?” The teenager shrugged but grinned.

“Tina’s been by. I’m pretty sure seeing me in a hospital bed brings out the caretaker in her.”

“That’s nice. And why are you awake?"

“‘Cause me daddy was having a nightmare.” The teen teased. Brendan shoved his son playfully.

“Get back to sleep, Dec. When you get back home, I’m not letting you rest like this anymore."

“Mean father."

“I get it from me kid.”


	10. Show Them All You're Not The Ordinary Type

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT HUMAN BEINGS!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS STORY!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR MY PUPPIES!!!
> 
> ALSO WARNING: themes of violence, sexual abuse, homophobia, child abuse and some other worrying behaviour which I find troubling
> 
> EDIT: THIS CHAPTER IS PROBLEMATIC AND DISTURBING GUYS, NONE OF THE BEHAVIOUR HERE IS EXCUSABLE AND I DO NOT CONDONE ANY OF IT

"Fucking waste of space." Seamus murmured into his ear. "Little faggot. I'm gonna teach you proper how to be a man, you queer." Beginning to stop would be useless. The alcohol breath on his neck. Tears escaping no matter how much he told himself he didn't feel anything anymore.

Seamus grunting in pleasure as the bed creeked but no one came. No one tried to check what the noises were. No one questioned when he showed up with bruises on his body because the hold was too strong. No one acknowledged the blood or the sweat or the piss on his bed sheets.

No one was going to save him. So he had to save himself.

\\\//\\\//

"I'm bringing them back with me home." Eileen announced as Brendan brought Declan back from the hospital. Cheryl didn't come. She stayed back with Lynsey.

"No." Brendan said.

"I'm their mother. If I want to bring them back to Ireland, I will." Brendan crossed his arms, staring her down.

"No."

"You don't have a say in this, Brendan."

"Our kids do." She blinked.

"Excuse me? What are ya saying?"

"They don't want to live with you. That's what I'm saying. And I want them here. You signed over your rights the last time you were in the village or don't you remember?"

"I am still their mother, Brendan! At least with me, Declan never landed in the hospital!"

"Yes but not all our children were that lucky, were they?!" Eileen's face paled immediately and she looked at Brendan with shock. He had to look away as well because he couldn't believe the words came out of his mouth.

"You're a bastard." She whispered.

"I know." They stood in silence for a moment. "The boys are staying here. You can visit them as much as possible but until they turn 18, they **stay** here."

"This isn't just your decision!" She yelled. "I want **my** children back! You've rotten their brains! They've got different ideologies now that they've come here!"

"You left them, Eileen! You walked out on **our** boys!"

"I didn't have a choice!"

" **YOU _ALWAYS_ HAVE A CHOICE!** " Brendan roared at her. "YOU LEFT OUT BOYS AND NOW YOU WANT THEM BACK 'CAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY THEY'RE THINKING?! FUCK YOU! BEING A PARENT IS NOT A TEMPORARY POSITION!"

"REALLY BRENDAN?! I HAD NO IDEA! SEEING AS I'M THE ONE WHO WAS THERE FOR OUR KIDS FOR MIST OF THEIR LIVES! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO TAINT THEM WITH YOUR DISGUSTING LIFESTYLE!"

"Shut your mouth." He warned.

"AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FATHER?! ALWAYS BLAMING HIM FOR PISSING YOUR BED! PRETENDING HE'S A MONSTER! HE IS A BETTER MAN THAN YOU EVER WILL BE!" She screamed. "HE WANTS THE BOYS BACK TOO! HE KNOWS WHAT YOU GET UP TO! YOU'RE A DISGUTING FA--!" He slammed her into the door hard.

"Shut. The fuck. Up." He hissed at her but the damage was done. His family heard upstairs some of their fighting. "Get out. Get out and don't ever fucking come back. Or I'll prove to ya I'm a real man." She stared at him with wide eyes and her voice shook but she didn't look scared. She looked pissed off.

"Really Brendan? Rape threats? You're more pathetic and disgusting than I thought. Get your filthy sin rotten hands off me." He stepped back as she left, slamming the door. He stared at it for minute breathing heavily before slamming his fist on the wood. He hit over and over and over and over.

Someone screaming his name in the background but he just kept on hitting until cold water was poured over him.

He looked at his little sister who immediately slapped him.

“What did you do that for?!"

“You were hysterical and they always slap hysterics in the movies!"

“I wasn’t hysterical, I was angry, Chez!” She made a little ‘oh’ sound and smiled bashfully.

“Sorry." She looked at the floor. "What are ya gonna do? About Eileen." He shrugged and went into the kitchen, turning the kettle on.

"She's got no say anymore."

"She's still their mother, Bren." Cheryl said quietly.

"So what? They don't want to go anyways. She's not taking them away if they don't want to go." He slammed an empty mug on the counter, feeling annoyance and irritation rising up again.

"Do you want them to stay, love?" His sister asked and he turned to her, thinking what a dumb question that was.

"How can you even--?"

"Because you don't tell me these things, Brendan." She cut him off. He took a deep breath as he realised she was right.

"More than anything. I want them here and happy." He admitted. "There. I've said it."

"Good." Cheryl took out another mug and put a tea bag in it. "It would help if the boys knew that too." He shook his head and walked to the couch, dropping himself unceremoniously. It was exhausting constantly existing. It was exhausting figuring out what the right thing to do was and exhausting to keep in doing the right thing. The monotone note of his life at least gave him the reassurance of what would happen but lately it's been so unstable. It's been one thing after another and he actually felt like he was losing grip on reality. He wasn't sure what he remembered was real or if he made it up. The only thing that brought him to reality was the fact that no one would want to make up the kind of shit he went through. He wasn't sure if he kissed Ste or if he just had a vivid dream. But his dreams have been nightmares since he moved in with his father so that was reality as well.

Cheryl put one of the mugs in front of him and walked upstairs with her own. He mumbled a thanks after her but it was so quiet, she probably didn't hear it. The boys were watching a movie upstairs in Declan's bedroom. Paddy wanting to take on the role of a big brother but Declan just laughed that notion away and suggested Paddy to be a big brother to some of his friends instead. He wanted to check whether they were affected by his and Eileen's screaming but he wasn't sure which answer he was ready for. He wasn't sure of anything.

He grabbed his keys and went to The Dog.

\\\//\\\//

"I mean, what a bloomin' cow, eh?" Sinead was prattling to Mercedes next to him. He specifically sat on a bar stool so that he could be left alone but clearly not everyone got the message. The McQueen barmaid however seemed to not pay attention to the O'Connor. "Telling me off for doing the deed with her husband. She should keep him interested in her if she didn't want him to stray." She was inching closer to him with each word, so he looked around for some empty booths. One just opened up in the corner and Brendan practically raced to get in there. The pub wasn't really busy but the only open seats were the barstools which were reserved for isolated drinkers.

Or women who were desperate to sleep with some poor sod.

He signalled Darren to bring him another lager without letting Sinead realise he moved away from her. The girl probably thought she was going to be in his lap by the end of her sentence. Darren thankfully was quick and the booth was a good hiding place. He stared at the pub. Doug and one of his flat mates were sitting not far away. That girl who worked at Tony’s cafe. Brendan searched his mind for her name but came up empty. They seemed friendly.

He looked around for more. More of anything interesting and he was satisfied. Little Kevin was hunched over a table and whispering something, looking very serious, in John Paul McQueen’s face. Judging from the McQueen’s facial expression, the young lad could have been on about nuclear power missiles and it wouldn’t have mattered one bit because his eyes were firmly on young Kevin’s mouth. Brendan grinned to himself.

‘ _A new romance brewing?_ ’ He thought and chuckled at his own intelligence.

The alcohol stirring something in his brain. Something dark and all too familiar. His eyes rolled around looking for any new victims. Little Foxy was chatting up Theresa McQueen in another corner with Michaela watching from a distance with a sour expression on her face. Then again, the girl always looked like she was sucking on a lemon.

‘ _Probably wanted to suck Little Foxy’s lemon._ ’ He chuckled again and pulled out his mobile. Walker was gone so he couldn’t even go there to get this feeling out properly. He thought about calling Ste but something in the back of his head, eerily resembling his mother’s voice, told him to put the phone away. He did so, getting back to looking around the pub. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Just random drunks, Doug and Lynsey kissing, Sinead nearly spilling her tits out of her dress, John Paul being a slut.

Before he realised, he launched himself up off his seat and plopped right next to Doug, catching on the young man’s neck. Lynsey jumping away from him instantly and eyeing Brendan wearily whilst Doug was shaking.

“Dougie.” Brendan said cheerfully. “Where did your friend go? The other one?"

“T-Texas went h-ho-me.” Doug stuttered out. Brendan threw his head back and laughed before placing his feet on the seat next to Lynsey.

“You know Lyns, Dougie here and I go way back.” He could feel the rising panic in the American.

“What a surprise, Bren.” Lynsey said sounding uninterested. “Why don’t you go home? I’ve just finished me shift and want to have something good in my life.” Brendan clapped Doug’s neck and grinned at her.

“You remember Danny Houston? Big drug dealer around these parts. Had many connections, even some in Ireland. You remember that?” Lynsey shifted and her eyes gazed on Doug for a brief second before back to Brendan but the damage was done. He could tell she was uncomfortable with where this was going.

“Not particularly.” She lied.

“Well, Douglas does. Don’t you, Douglas?” He pushed Doug’s head forward and backwards in a nodding movement. “Yes, you do. See, Lyns. Dougie here helped me out when I was in business with Danny. He was my number one. Numero uno.” Lynsey frowned confused. “He was my dealer, Lyns. He dealt heroin and coke for me.” Her eyes widened as she looked back at Doug who was staring at the floor. “Enjoy the rest of yer evening.” He got up and went back to his booth which was still thankfully empty. He motioned for another lager which he drank to the sound of the rising Irish voice.

\\\//\\\//

There was nothing. No dreams, no nightmares, nothing. But suddenly a burst of white light appeared out of nowhere, blinding him and hitting his head with a sledgehammer.

“The fuck?” Brendan croaked out and peered out of his couch cacoon with one eye. Lynsey was standing over him with her arms crossed, looking pissed whilst Cheryl was eating toast. “Oh bloody hell.” He rolled over to the other side but Lynsey hit his head making him see stars and adding more pain to the dumb headache. He could tell it was Lynsey because Cheryl’s hits were always a lot quicker and more painful. “That hurt!”

“It was supposed to!” She yelled in his ear, making him flinch. “What the hell were you thinking, Brendan?!”

“'bout wha'?” He grumbled trying to ignore her.

“Last night? You ruined my date with Doug!” Brendan actually looked at her.

“Yer dating the Yank? Fucking hell.” He stood up and moved into the kitchen passing by a cereal crunching Cheryl. Lynsey however was storming after him. “Thank fuck I ruined one date that probably will destroy your entire relationship."

“You told me he was a drug dealer for you and Danny Houston!” He actually had to move away from her and pause, taking a breath because her voice was making him nauseous. “Brendan! You owe me an apology!” His empty stomach contents landed in the sink, Lynsey screeching in surprised disgust and Cheryl cackling in the background.

“Ugh.” He spat and turned on the tap. The puke was mostly liquid and not food chunks but it still wouldn’t go down by itself. He stared at the vomit, half hoping Lynsey would go away but to no avail, she was standing next to him.

“Vomit is not enough to scare me away, Brendan. I’ve worked in A&E, I’ve seen worse. You owe me an apology.” He heaved a couple more times before accepting nothing more would come out. Most of it went down with the water.

“Alright.” He muttered and looked at her. “I’m sorry that I ruined your date with that nimrod.”

“He’s not a nimrod, Bre—."

“He’s not good enough for you. End of story.” He cut her off and moved towards the stairs. “Paddy in Declan’s room?” He asked Cheryl in his passing. She just nodded and continued to eat. He noticed that she was acting more like her old self since Declan’s appendicitis but he didn’t want to acknowledge it for fear she’d want to talk about it.

His bedroom was cold. He left the window open all night. It was actually a blessing for his hangover. Bits and pieces of it coming back to him. His memories of the Dog the blurriest but he got the idea. He was a dick.

Declan and Paddy were laughing loudly in the teenager’s room which was pleasant to hear. Even with a headache. He dropped on his sheetless mattress and looked at his bedside table where his phone was. Next to it, there was a small sonogram propped up with a smiley face drawn in the corner. Mitzeee’s baby. Brendan didn’t want to admit it but he had a soft spot for the kid already. Mitzeee was throwing up more than when she had bulimia. Anytime Mitzeee lost her perfect model posture even for a minute, it amused him.

He was a true bastard.

\\\//\\\//

“Smile!"

“Huh?” He looked up from the paperwork at Jacqui who grinned into her phone and a shutter sound was made.

“Perfect. You look like a lost puppy.” She showed him the photo but he didn’t see anything special about it. It was just his face. “Isn’t me brand new phone amazing?"

“Sure.” He looked back down ignoring her. Joel was cleaning the office so Brendan set himself up on the bar. “Why are we missing three crates of that watered down piss?” He looked at her interested.

“We’re not missing anything, Brendan.” She rolled her eyes and leaned over his shoulder to look at the paper. “That must be a misprint or somethin’. I don’t fuck up.” He hummed and tapped his pen against the paper looking at Rhys next to the DJ booth. “Wha’?"

“Nothing. Just get the feeling that someone up there wants me to lose my mind.” She shrugged and went behind the bar.

“It could be left over Walker crap. He was the one who did inventory and stock orders most of the time.” She pulled out a folder from under the bar and opened to the first page. “Look, all crates are accounted for here. The usual amount. They must have fucked up on the other end somehow.” He looked over the inventory report they did each week. “Brendan, you should get some sleep.You look half dead and most of the staff is back now. You should take some time off.” He narrowed his eyes at her.

“Why are you being so considerate, Jacqui? Usually, you’re whinging for even sitting down.” She crossed her arms and glared.

“You look awful and I feel sorry for ya. I can do that because since Walker’s gone, I’m the second most powerful person in he’e. Plus I ain’t scared of ya. Go home and sleep.” He shook his head and grabbed all of the papers.

“I’m gonna go down to the cellar and do a recount.” He told her, ignoring her calls after him and went down the stairs, passing a Kevin who looked over at him curiously. They weren’t open yet but it was nearly time and the younger man was on downstairs duty. Once inside, Brendan leaned against the door’s cold surface and shut it so no one would disturb him. The cellar was a mess. He couldn’t remember the last time he was in the room but it was a long time ago. All crates were on top of each other. Some old lockers were hiding in the background, spiders making their webs in between the fridges which looked like they haven’t been dusted in months. “How the fuck does anyone get anything done here?” He muttered disbelieving the sight. If there was a surprise inspection, they’d fail surely. He put the paperwork to one side, rolled up his sleeves and started moving the crates to one side, finding an untouched pack of wet wipes on top of one. He used that to wipe the dust and kill the spiders albeit with his heart hammering out of his chest.

Brendan Brady did not like bugs.

Once those were done, he started organising the crates. Light beer in one corner, making sure they were still in date, thankfully none were expired. Cider next to the fridges.

“Bulmers red. Bulmers purple. WKD.” He muttered and wrote down on a back of one of his papers. He’d get a photocopy and tick it somewhere so everyone would know where it went. Vodka, scotch, whisky and gin were clumped together. The biggest stock of course vodka. The more expensive stuff was in the far corner. He decided he’d get a hoover down there and someone to dust everything properly. And once he organised everything, he checked the fridges which thankfully were working. The fruits and some of the food they provided was there, all accounted for. He looked at the lockers. They were old and dusty but it was clear they were in use.

The door opened as he was staring at them to reveal Ste. Brendan didn’t notice the music was on upstairs until Ste’s arrival brought him to reality. Ste smiled at him and closed the door but Brendan didn’t feel like returning the smile.

“Alright?” He muttered at the younger man and looked at the lockers.

“Yeah.” The smile dropped and Ste started to unzip his thin jacket in. “You?"

“Swell.” Brendan watched as the Mancunian opened one of the lockers up and stuffed his jacket in. “You should fold that. It will crease like that.” The younger man scoffed.

“Yeah, ‘cause I care about if it’ll crease.” He turned to Brendan. “Did I do somethin’?” He asked with big blue eyes. “‘Cause yer acting like I’ve got the plague. I’ve rang ya and nothin’. You haven’t been in when I’ve been in and I’m confused.” Brendan looked quickly at the door and stalked over to Ste. He stood in front of him and he could see the worry in the younger man’s eyes. It…It made his stomach turn.

“Steven. You’ve heard stories about me. You know I am a bad man.” The younger man opened his mouth to speak but Brendan continued. “I’m going to hurt you. Because that’s…” He murmured and looked at the younger man’s mouth. Which was a mistake as his train of thought just shortened out. That fucking mouth. “I…” He took a step back quickly and turned around closing his eyes to remember what he wanted to say. The door opened up behind him and Joel walked in carrying the mop.

“Brendan, Jacqui is saying you better get up there because there’s a guy who’s looking for ya.” Brendan frowned at the Scottish lad and grabbed his papers.

“Clean this place up too, Little Foxy.” He ordered, ignoring the blue eyes in the back of his head. He could hear Joel attempt to have a conversation with Ste as he walked up the stairs. As he reached the bar, avoiding many students already drinking their evening away, he asked Jacqui what was her fucking problem. She pointed to one of the couches and Brendan felt rage inside his skin as he eyed the figure sitting there leisurely, smirking like he’s won.

“He says his name is Macca.” Jacqui said in his ear. “D’you know him?"

\\\//\\\//

“What’d you come here for, huh?” Brendan hissed as his hands were around Macca’s neck. He had the other man pushed up against the wall in some random alley they walked to. He didn’t want to do this at the club. “To help Eileen?” Macca’s face turning purple and grabbing at Brendan’s hands fruitlessly. “Because there sure ain’t nothing else for ya here, you pathetic scum.” His grip tightened with each word.

“B-Bren-d-d-hun…” Macca gasped out. Next thing he knew, he was on the ground and Macca was trying to breath back to normal. Brendan turned around and looked at who the fuck pushed him only to see blue eyes directed at Macca.

“Steven.” Brendan whispered and slowly stood up.

“You alright?” Ste asked Macca ignoring the Irishman. Macca nodded but his gaze was victoriously dancing in Brendan’s direction.

“Steven, leave him alone.” Brendan warned but the younger man wasn’t listening. “Steven, please."

“Why?” Ste spat at him. “So you can choke ‘im again?” His eyes were furious as he was helping Macca out. “Piss off, Brendan."

“Aw.” Macca managed to get out. “Lover’s spat? Seamus would be so upset.” Brendan pushed past Ste and landed a blow to Macca’s stomach. The Mancunian shouting his name but Brendan wasn’t stopping. He got started. He needed this. He needed to lash out for so long. And thank fuck Macca showed up right in time. Brendan kept hitting anywhere he could as the other man collapsed onto the floor. He could feel the monster inside of him cackling and yelling for more.

Macca was groaning on the ground, covered in blood and barely breathing when he was was finished. Panting heavily, Brendan leaned forward and forced Macca’s eyes open so he could see them.

“You get near me boys, Cheryl or me and you’ll be wishing you died tonight.” He stood up and looked over at Steven who was pressed against the wall with wide eyes pointed at Macca. “Get out of here, Steven.” He murmured wanting to take the younger man into his arms. Wanting to explain everything. But this wasn’t a fairytale. Brendan didn’t get a happy ever after.

The only thing he regretted was that Ste would leave him before Brendan even had a chance to l--

“What did you do, Brendan?” Ste whispered, his eyes turning to the Irishman. “Is this what you meant when you said you was going to hurt me?” Brendan stared at him for a full minute before speaking again. It was a curious question. The answer was even more curious.

“Get out of here and don’t tell anyone."

“Or I’ll be the one on the ground?” The younger man mocked in a bitter tone. “Sure. Said that to Amy once.” He murmured and shook his head. “You stay away from me, Brendan. And I’ll keep me mouth shut.” Brendan watched as Ste walked out and disappeared. He sighed and looked at Macca’s barely moving body. He looked good in red. But it weren’t enough. He got down and raised his fist again earning muffled screams in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to [mah tumblr](dominikadecember.tumblr.com)


	11. First, You Think The Worst Is A Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own HO and its' characters.

Hi guys. I want to respond to some of the reviews that were left for the last chapter on FF. Thank you so much for reading my story. It means a lot to me. However, I am going to disappoint you by saying that this story is not a lighthearted one. It is a lot more difficult, it is a lot darker and it has disturbing themes. This story is darker than my previous one, it is more disturbing and I do apologise for making anyone uncomfortable. However it is my intention to try and push beyond my own comfort zone because it is necessary for the plot I have set for this story.

So if you don't feel comfortable which I completely understand, I'd advise you stick to reading a more lighthearted fic like DCM.

I'm not sure what kind of a response I did want from the last chapter and I have mixed feelings about what I did get.

Chapter 10 was meant to, in my head, push the main character to his limits which may not have come off like that because obviously you guys can’t read my mind unless you do have special telepathic powers in which case, enjoy all the porn. I repeat; THIS IS NOT A LIGHT FIC. If you'd like me to stop writing this story or take it down because it is too much for you guys, please let me know and I will do so.

I do try to put trigger warnings on all chapters that need them however I do overlook some things or forget to put them in so please point out what you notice.

If you haven't realised yet, I'm writing Brendan and Eileen's relationship in a very mutually destructive manner. I’ve been around so many toxic relationships to see what kind of hurtful and horrific things would be said and done. I want to go further with pushing the characters using my experience to do so however if you are not comfortable, please refer to what I've said before.

As for Brendan Brady. You guys are somewhat right. Brendan would never rape a woman.

However, if we are going by canon, he has hurt women on the show and he has made threats towards women. He's made numerous threats towards Amy back when she found out about the abusive relationship of early Stendan. Let's not forget the way he held Lucas and scared Amy out of her wits [insinuating that he or someone he’d get would break into the flat and hurt or worse [I saw that as a very obvious rape threat however some don’t] whilst literally saying to Ste that he would never hurt a woman in the similar time period] or that the next episode he cornered her and used the line ‘ _I’ve done a lot of terrible things in my life, there are still lines I need to cross. Make me cross them for you’_ which made my skin crawl.

Each and every time when confronted by our lovely Ste, he just excused himself away. He threatened Rae and caused her extrenuous physical and emotional stress because she was considering an abortion, that she had a miscarriage. Of course, he did try to take care of her in his own way when he realised what was happening. And let's not mention Nana Flo. Actually I will. He suffocated his own grandmother to death. Who knew about his sexual abuse and did nothing which sickens me and I think that Brendan was justified. HOWEVER, he still suffocated her. Cheryl; he’s physically hurt her and stole money from her, her club and he manipulated his sister so much to his advantage since they were kids.

Brendan Brady is capable of hurting women. He's capable of making threats. He has done terrible things.

What you've got to remember is that Brendan was a villain when he first came on and a fairly horrific one. He used fear, force, intimidation and emotional manipulation to get his way. Over the BB storyline he changed so much however some of his tactics did remain. I.e. trying to pay Kevin off to drop the assault charges but still threatening him.

I love Brendan Brady because he is a complex character which I'm trying to incorporate into my story. I think that all HO characters are appalling and all have evil and good in them. Ste and Brendan are my favourite obviously however I am not blind to their faults. So saying that Brendan threatening his ex wife was out of character, I disagree with that whole heartedly because the context here very much pushed him to do that.

Also, Eileen knows full well that Brendan would never result to harming her. In this story, she is very close minded and believes Seamus to be a God always throwing it in Brendan's face. Brendan who was abused by his father, forced into a marriage and fatherhood being taught that he is trash and his sexuality is meant to be a filthy secret. **I am not excusing rape threats ever** however I am also not blind to the fact that some women do push their partners (ex in this case) right to the edge to get what they want. It’s a horrible tactic however if you tell me it doesn’t happen, I can present you my entire family past and present history as evidence.

Like I've said before. This story is darker than my previous one, it is more disturbing and I do apologise for making everyone uncomfortable. However, my story is not canon, I do rely on canon elements from his storyline that is true. But it is not canon.

And once more I return to the topic of Brendan Brady. He’s been through hell. That’s it. That’s a fact. But I often find that I can’t enjoy a story unless a character goes through an emotional journey to help them become a better person. On HO, BB did that thanks to Ste and unfortunately Lynsey’s death. In this story it’s…well if you wanna know, you have to wait to find out. :D

I am honestly very sorry for making everyone uncomfortable and I really appreciate your feedback always. I do apologise that my response is not fully satisfactory. I am fully aware I am being quite defensive of this story which I do have to point out, is my story. I do often feel quite insecure about my writing which often gives me writer’s block however I push through it because I do want to tell this story. I think it’s a fairly interesting concept however if you guys don’t agree, please let me know and I will stop.

Thank you so much.

Happy new year!

 

**ALSO trigger warnings: sex, social alienation, priest, homophobic slang,**

 

 

**Chapter 11**

 

 

“Macca’s apparently here.” Cheryl said in a lifeless tone at breakfast. “Poor boy got mugged apparently. He’s at the hospital. Eileen’s beside herself.” Declan shrugged.

“Who’s Macca to me? I don’t care about him.” He was looking much better but he was still on bed rest.

“Deccy, that’s not what a good person says.” Lynsey berated him. Brendan wasn’t really listening to the conversation. He was more focused on finding a body to fuck.

“He’s not a good person.” Declan responded. “Or have you forgotten what he’s done?"

“No, but everyone deserves forgiveness.” She said tenderly.

“Fuck that.” Declan responded. Lynsey looked to Brendan for some help whilst Cheryl stared ahead. Her progress to return to normal life seemed to be declining with the news of more family in Hollyoaks.

“Don’t swear at Lynsey.” Brendan said mechanically thinking about going to a bar out in Chester. Paddy came down and all talk of Macca ceased. The last time Paddy saw his cousin was when the boy was three and thankfully he didn’t remember much about it.

“Da. Leah says I can’t play with her anymore.” He told Brendan when the man put a plate of scrambled eggs in front of him. Declan frowned in between his toast.

“Wha’? Why?” Paddy looked sadly at his breakfast.

“‘Cause her daddy says da is a bad man.” Everyone looked at Brendan who was still only half listening. “Da’s not a bad man, though. He’s really good to us. You’re really good to us, da.” He patted his father’s hand at which the man finally became aware.

“D’you want me to talk to Leah’s dad, Paddy?” He asked his son who looked up at him innocently.

“Would you? Leah is my best friend."

“What about Ahmed?” Declan interjected.

“Ahmed is also my best friend. You are also my best friend. I have best friendship to go around.” The little boy spread his arms around the table to emphasise his point. “And I like my friends sooooooooo much.” He sighed and looked back down at his breakfast. “Maybe I should just become friends with a squirrel. At least they stare at you for a second before running away."

“Jesus. Pad, I’ll go talk to her dad and see if we can work something out.” The little boy nodded but his mood didn’t cheer up and Declan was looking at their father with a knowing look in his eye.

“I want to rent the flat.” Cheryl announced suddenly getting everyone’s attention. “Lynsey, love. Bren mentioned you wanted to move in there a while back. Would you be interested?"

“Uh, yes.” Lynsey said stunned. “What’s brought this on?"

“I just feel it’s time. I don’t want to live there without Nate. And I like being close to me boys.” She put her plate in the sink. “We can go and see it today if you’re free. I have a meeting with my estate agent anyways around 2.” Brendan blinked at his sister who was walking up the stairs.

‘ _When did that happen?_ '

//\\\//\\\

“Get down here!” Eileen yelled into the phone. “And bring the boys. I need my family."

“I’m not letting your nephew near our boys ever again.” He answered as he walked to the club. “If you were a decent human being, you wouldn’t want him near yourself too."

“He’s my family, Brendan. And he was attacked! You should be more sympathetic, dickhead!”

“No.” He ended the call as he went inside the building.

//\\\//\\\

“Look, Steven. You may think whatever you like about me but leave my kids out of it. They’re good. And your Leah wouldn’t befriend a boy four years older than her if she didn’t think that too.” Brendan sighed and looked in the mirror. “That works.” He reaffirmed himself before adjusting his collar and leaving the office. Doug, Ash and Joel were in tonight. “Where’s Steven?” He asked Jacqui who was trudging up one crate.

“Called in sick again. He’s been off for a week. Think the virus finally caught up him. It’s strange he didn’t have it before hand especially since the kids are in the house.” She shrugged. “Guess no one’s safe.” He hummed at that and went back into the office. He had to do the rotas for next week anyways. But a twinge of disappointment was stinging at him.

Eileen rung him five times already, ordering him to bring himself to the hospital and give her some support. Which was a laughable notion. He did however want to sort things out with Ste. It was eating away at him. The younger man somehow wormed his way into Brendan’s head. He wanted him out.

But he wanted him as well.

He grabbed his coat and started to storm out, only stopping to tell Jacqui he needed to do go out. She glared at him big time but he left before she could have stopped him. He dropped Ste off one time so he knew where he lived.

He was walking fast, not wanting anyone to stop him. He just wanted to tell Ste off because he isn't letting their children play together anymore. He didn't actually want to see the younger man. He didn't want him.

He wanted him.

He hissed at his thoughts as the rundown block of council flats came to view and he stopped in his track's. Ste and Lucas were planting something in the ground next to the small worn gates.

“See, Lucas? You don’t need to dig too much and hopefully they’ll bloom right for spring.” Ste smiled at his little boy who looked up at him. Brendan’s chest felt tight.

“Won’t they be cold?” Lucas asked with a worried expression on his face. Ste looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Maybe we can water it with some warm water. Not enough to kill the roots but enough to keep it warm.” The little boy smiled at his father and nodded.

“Can we plant stwabewwies too?”

“Sure. Now get in and clean up. When mummy sees you, she’ll lose her head.” The little boy giggled and ran back into the flat. Brendan approached cautiously as Ste got up.

“Nice little family display.” He commented and bit his tongue to not add anything dumber. Ste’s form went rigid as he heard Brendan’s voice. He didn’t turn around though.

“I didn’t tell anyone. I won’t tell anyone.” He muttered in an angry tone.

“I didn’t come here for that, Steven. I trust you.” Brendan replied. “I came to ask why your Leah’s no longer allowed to play with my kid.” Ste crossed his arms and finally looked at Brendan with a fiery expression.

“‘Cause I learned where he comes from and I don’t want that around my daughter.” Brendan grabbed onto his chest.

“Oh, you sure know how to get them, don’t ya?” He cocked his head to the side and smirked. “Come on, Steven. We can be grown ups about this, can’t we? Leah wouldn’t even talk to Padraig if she thought he’d hurt her.” Ste shook his head and laughed bitterly.

“You honestly believe a five year old can tell whether or not a son of a psychopath will attack her?” Ste stepped forward, the only thing separating them was the gate. “You just went off on that bloke.” Ste hissed, his hot breath heavy on Brendan’s face. “What’s to stop you from going off like that again around me Leah? Huh, Brendan? What’s to stop you from hitting yer kids? Or Leah? Or me?” Brendan felt his fists clench up but he controlled himself. “You really are just a sellout narc of a thug, ain’t ya, Brady?"

“Listen here, queer boy.” Brendan shot back. “I don’t hit me kids, I don’t hit women and I don’t hit blokes who don’t deserve it. But with all these accusations, you are starting to sound like you’re looking for me to show you what my fist looks like.” Ste narrowed his eyes. “If you recall, the only one who’s thrown hits around here, has been you, Steven. I don’t usually let people hit me and when I do, it’s ‘cause my blow is a lot more powerful. But you, you got lucky that one time. I came here in a peaceful manner trying to sort out a play date for my boy.” He spat. “But you know what. I don’t want him to socialise with council rat like you and yours. Far too low rent for my taste.” He turned around and walked away, anger inside driving him as far as possible. To get away from the man who was corrupting his brain.

//\\\//\\\

The parish looked like it always did. Small, well kept, judgemental. Brendan took a deep breath and carried the shopping bag inside. Tea and biscuits were their little tradition. The door was open as per usual. It really should have been closed but Father Des had it in his head that everyone was a decent human being who would never think of mugging a priest.

“You’re early.” Father Des observed with a big smile. He had a plate of sandwiches in his hands.

“Yeah. I’m..” He sighed. “What are we going to talk about since rugby season’s over?” Father Des pointed to one of the chairs. Brendan took the one on the left, like usual. It was red. Very red. It was his favourite.

“Well, we could talk about what’s bothering you.” Des sat in the chair on the right and placed the plate on the coffee table in front of them.

“Don’t you ever have problems we could talk about?” Brendan asked irritated.

“I’m a priest. My life is fairly uncomplicated. Yours on the other hand…” He chuckled and turned on the telly. There was a football match on but it was a rerun. “Always something giving you a headache.” Brendan shook his head. “Is it just me or are these games getting more and more violent?"

“I do. Have something.” He murmured. Father Des kept silent, giving him space to speak. “I’ve…I’m…” He rubbed his hand over his eyes. “I got…attached to someone. I think. I can’t…I think about them a lot. I imagine these _ridiculous_ scenarios. But I did…something. And they saw me doing it. And now they want nothing to do with me.”

“Ah, yes. The broken heart syndrome.”

“What? You serious? That’s not what it’s like, you know. I’m not broken hearted or anything stupid like that.” Brendan denied immediately and grabbed one of the sandwiches. Father Des hummed knowingly. “Knock it off, Padre. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were gloating."

“Priests do not gloat, Brendan. We simply acknowledge we’re always right and move on with our lives in satisfaction.” Someone got a red card. “How is everything else?"

“Declan’s appendix burst so he’s at home on bed rest. Paddy’s good. He’s always good. He’s so different from me and Eileen, you know. Declan, in Declan I can see some of me and her but Paddy.” He tutted. “He’s not like us. He’s like a black sheep. Shouldn’t it be the other way? White sheep. He’s a white sheep. No one can get to him. Eileen’s tried many times and I’ve not been exactly father of the year. But he’s like sunshine."

“That’s a good quality, isn’t it?” Father Des questioned.

“I dunno, Des. The sun burns the strongest when it wants, don’t it?” He thought about his youngest son. “With Declan, I can see it. The bad in him, is right in there. On the surface. Mixed in with the good. But with Padraig. It’s…It’s terrifying to think about what he could be capable of. So bright until the point of burning."

“That’s a pretty grim way of looking at your children, Brendan.”

“What can I say?” He shrugged. "I’m a pretty grim guy.” Father Des chuckled and grabbed one of the sandwiches. Brendan still hadn’t finished his. “Cheryl’s finally renting out the flat. Which is good, ain’t it? That’s moving on."

“We all deal with death in our own ways.” Des replied ominously making the Irishman roll his eyes.

“I’ll shut up and watch the game before you start quoting the bible at me again."

“The Lord loves you no matter how you mistreat him.” They exchanged amused grins before turning all their attention to the game and sandwiches. However, during the break he sent off a quick text to Mitzeee asking her for a night of drinking. Her reply was an emoji of a rabbit.

//\\\//\\\

“Macca’s here.” He told her. “That disgusting piece of shit is here. I’ve sent him to the hospital though."

“Good.” She said and poured herself more cranberry juice. “I’d fucking kill him if I saw him."

“Eileen’s by his bedside apparently.” He took another swing of the Jack Daniels bottle. “She’s a snake. What did I see in her?"

“You saw nothing, your father saw money.”

“I threatened her, you know. Like Seamus used to threaten my ma."

“Well, you are his son. The difference is you would never lay a hand on her. Where she likes to treat you like a piece of shit. But you threaten any one with rape again, I’m going to cut your balls off.” She turned up the music and put her legs on Brendan’s knees. They were both on her couch. Declan agreed to look after Paddy to the best of his ability thankfully so Brendan had plenty of time to get pissed. “Hey, I saw Rae snogging your boy today.” She grinned but her smile faltered when she saw his face. “What happened?"

“We…Something happened between us. But it’s over. He saw me beating Macca and got scared." Mitzeee snorted.

"He's not exactly prince charming himself. Fucking wanker. You can do better. And good thing that Irish scum is away from the boys. Hopefully Eileen will take him and leave. I don't like them here, Brendan. It worries me."

"Me too." He agreed trying to peel the label off the bottle but his fingers were too exhausted. "The more people you love, the weaker you are." Mitzeee frowned.

"Huh?" He shook his head.

"Something my nana used to say." He took another swing. "I wanna fuck someone. What's that place you like in Cheater?"

"Lemon Drop? Bren, that place is always full of lanky boys desperate for a shag. You can do better." He snorted and looked at her. She was starting to show. Not much but there was a small bump on her stomach, she would not have permitted it ever existing beforehand. He places his hand on it. She didn't say a word, just drank her juice. Mitzeee knew Brendan too fucking well. She knew practically everything about him and vice versa. Their friendship started off rocky.

Brendan found her ripping Cheryl's extensions out one night in the Dog and he called her a cunt for hurting his baby sister. She called him a son of a bitch for even touching her.

Somehow hurtful insults turned into terms of endearment over time. He noticed how alone, laughed at and cast out Mitzeee was by most of the Hollyoaks village not to mention her family which contacted her only to get their hands on her hard earned money. She noticed how he was drowning in his sins and decided it was her mission in life to help him. She was the one who introduced him to Father Des.

"You've got a name?" He asked her.

"I..." Mitzeee bit her lip and looked at her hands holding her carton of juice. "I thought Phoenix. It works for either one, right?"

"Phoenix." Brendan repeated patting the bump. "Suitable. Rising from the ashes and all that." She kicked him with one of her feet.

"Oi, what you implying?!" He grinned at her.

"Nothing, Anne. Absolutely nothing."

//\\\//\\\

Brendan was walking back from Mitzeee's the next day with a really annoying hangover wishing for a drink to cure it. After all, you cure drink sickness with a drink. Seamus taught him that.

But someone interrupted his careful thinking and bumped into him, giving him a headache. Brendan stopped the figure who tried to push past him without apologising. He narrowed his eyes at the young person in front of him who was sniffling.

"Little Foxy?"

"Don't call me that." The Scot growled. "Me last name is Dexter."

"Fine little Dexter." Brendan lifted his hands up. He couldn't see the man's face properly but something was wrong with it. "The fuck's the matter with you?" The younger man tried to push past him again but in doing so, he revealed his face. Half of it was swollen in purple and red bruises. Brendan shoved the man into the wall and kept him there noticing the flinch the Scot gave out. "The fuck happened to you?" He asked feeling anger bubbling at his surface.

"The fuck you care, dickhead?" Joel shot back. Brendan just poked his face. "Ow. For fuck's sake. I got kicked out, alright? I was staying at this mate's place but his prices stopped being friendly and when I couldn't pay anymore, got kicked out. Me face got kicked in when I tried to grab me crap." Brendan let go of the younger man and thought for a moment. "You happy now? You've got me whole life story now."

"This friend of yours. What's his name?"

"Dave." Joel answered unsurely.

"Fucking hell. Buzzcut? Dresses like something off of Jeremy Kyle?" Joel nodded. "No wonder you got swindled. Come on." Joel looked at him confused. "You can crash at ours for the time being. On the couch."

"What? Why?"

"Because you've got no place to go to and I've got a soft spot for Foxy." Joel narrowed his eyes. "I know, I know. You're not Foxy. You're Little Dexter." He grabbed his shoulder, Joel flinching again from pain, and shoved him forwards. Declan and Paddy would be happy to have one new person in the household. Cheryl wouldn't mind hopefully and Lynsey was moving out.

Brendan didn't want to admit but he liked the kid and felt bad for him. No one in the village seemed to like him. Even Theresa McQueen seemed to have lost interest in him. It was a story all too familiar to Brendan. So he could do something.

//\\\//\\\

As predicted, Declan and Paddy were ecstatic to find out Joel was going to live with them for the time being. Cheryl just nodded and gave him a packet of tissues before leaving for her room. Lynsey grinned and said that Joel can move into her room as she was moving out which Paddy objected to because it was technically still his room. She then proceeded to gloat about the fact that Doug was going to help her move.

Brendan tuned out at that time. He gave Joel an ice pack to put on his face, a blanket and trotted upstairs leaving a sound of his two noisy boys, Joel and Lynsey. His bedroom seemed so foreign to him. Like it belonged to a different Brendan.

He had new bedsheets on which wasn't his handywork. He assumed Cheryl from the fragrant fruit smell she liked to bathe in. Mitzeee's sonogram was placed in a small frame as well. His room seemed cleaner and fresher and not his.

He dropped on the bed, letting his head bounce about a few times giving him splinters each time.

"Steven." He whispered and run his hand over his mouth, desperately trying to remember the way Ste's soft lips felt against his cracked ones. The way the younger man's hair was soft and his eyelashes brushed Brendan's cheek. Having the Mancunian bent over the office desk like he's had Walker many times but this would feel so much better because it wouldn't be about pain. He imagined Ste's torso which he felt some when they kissed. He was smooth, hard edges where Brendan liked them. His golden skin even felt like sunrays on his fingertips.

Brendan's hand travelled lower as he kept on imagining.

He'd tease the young lad a bit beforehand. Maybe brushing against his groin on accident when they were working behind the bar or stand next to him with a flimsy excuse of wanting to make sure Ste wouldn't screw up. The Mancunian would get so sexually frustrated, he'd storm off into the office, dragging Brendan behind.

He started lazily jacking himself off.

He'd push Ste against the door and plant his mouth on his neck before the other man even had a chance to speak. So all that came out were groans.

His movements started to pick up a little speed.

He'd take his time opening him up. Slowly putting one finger in until Ste was begging him for another. He'd say his name with that fucking ' _uh_ ' sound that had no place but drove Brendan crazy. He'd whisper in Ste's ear how he wants to come inside him.

His strokes started being rapid at this point.

Ste would arch his arse in obedience, his own erection slapping against the wood of the desk, making Brendan even more horny for the younger man. He'd go in slow. First just the tip in and out a couple of times to savour the moment. His hands leaving bruises on Ste's hips. But when he finally would get his entire length inside, he wouldn't stop.

He started grunting as the fantasy was giving him more. He put a pillow over his face that he could muffle into.

Ste would make those mewling noises of his and the music outside would be playing. But no one would know that Brendan was fucking into him with a furious speed constantly whispering how he wanted Ste like that forever. He'd tell Ste how he'd come inside him and then watch the come leak out. He'd tell Ste how he'd get a plug so the next time they did this, Ste would have no choice but to have his semen locked inside.

He was furiously tugging at his cock.

He'd pull the younger man up to his body, slamming into him, his mouth attacking Ste's and his hand stroking his erection erratically. The Mancunian would make this noise and sputter out onto Brendan's desk and hand. His cheeks clenching around Brendan, keeping him even closer making the older man cry out in pure bliss as he'd come inside of Ste.

He was so close.

They'd breathe heavily and collapse on the bed as Brendan kept himself inside of Ste and nuzzling into the younger man's neck as their position was now face to face.

He came and his eyes shot wide. It was one of his most powerful orgasms. But it wasn't right.

Because his fantasy changed from frantic sexual adventure to one of bliss and domesticity.

"Fuck." He whispered staring at the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my tumblr](http://dominikadecember.tumblr.com)


	12. What's Gonna Kill You Is The Second Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own HO.
> 
> I just wanted to say a massive thank you. To everyone. For reading and supporting me. You guys are incredible. Love you tons. See you next week!
> 
> Unbeta'd

Brendan was putting the groceries in the back of his trunk when he registered he didn’t have gifts yet. They didn’t even a Christmas tree. Which was Brendan’s favourite thing about Christmas.

No one really was in a Christmas mood at home, though. Cheryl still in mourning, Lynsey moving out to the flat which meant Paddy finally got his bedroom back, Joel basically homeless, Declan bored out of his head at home and Paddy sad over losing a friend. Brendan tried to explain to him that sometimes people need to leave to make space for new people in their lives. The little boy just glared at him and said if Joel was going to be living in his room, Brendan was going to buy Paddy a bunk bed.

He planned a trip to IKEA with Lynsey. She needed some new stuff for the flat. It was mostly empty as Cheryl took her items and Nate's family stripped it off his when the dying man was still in hospital.

But he needed to get presents. He'd ask Mitzeee to do it for him but she'd just laugh and tell him to grow up.

"I don't want to go out." He heard a familiar annoying noise and saw John Paul McQueen walking with Mercedes to a run down car. "I'm sick of going out all the time, Merc."

"Oh, come in. Maybe Riley'll be there. It'll look pathetic if I'm there on me own." She pleaded. "Yer me sibling, just do what I say."

"Who said that was a rule?"

"Santa Clause. Just come out with me, please." They got into the car and the audible part of the conversation was cut off but Brendan could see it continue on inside. He stated at the vehicle until it drove out of the parking lot and disappeared around the corner. Maybe he could just give everyone envelopes with money as gifts.

That would work.

//\\\//\\\

Ste was working on the bar but ignored Brendan's existence completely which the man was actually fine with because of his domestic fantasies.

Brendan Brady did not ever want domesticity in his life. He had to be somewhat in his marriage to Eileen and in his fatherhood but he made point of always having something interesting happening on the side. Whereas his fantasies were full of contentment with domesticity. With a man. A twink. Brendan shuddered at the thought and his door was kicked wide open. Eileen barging into the office.

"I despise you, you faggot."

"Hello to you too, love." He dismissed.

"Fuck your love." She spat and slammed the door shut. "You're the one who beat up Macca. I know you are."

"No idea what you're on about."

"You're a sociopath, Brendan. A sociopath that has everybody fooled." Brendan chuckled and shook his head. "How I was stupid enough to let our kids stay with you, I don't know."

"They're not going back to Ireland, Eileen. If you want the boys near you, you move down here." She bared her teeth at him before hiding them and stalking forward to the desk, pointing at him.

"You know I can't do that. My whole life is back there."

"Then see you in April." She slapped her palms on the desk.

"Brendan. This isn't funny. I have my job, I have the house, the cars, Michael, his kids."

"Sounds like a busy life. Good luck with that."

"You're not going to give them up, are you?" She asked quietly.

"They don't want to go. They've made up their minds." He explained just as quietly. She nodded slowly sniffing dramatically and straightened up.

"I'm taking Macca back home. His mother is worried sick. I don't think I'll have time to see the boys because we're leaving tomorrow." Brendan stood up and put his hands in his pockets.

"Alright. I'll pass on the goodbyes." She swallowed hard and nodded again. "Eileen. I...I did try to do right by you. And I am sorry for...for threatening you." She scoffed.

"You apologising to me, Bren? Guess miracles do happen." She put her hand on the handle but didn't make a move to leave. "I'm sorry as well. Not for anything I did to you. I owe you nothing. But… For not being a better mother. After Niamh, I just can't do it." Brendan went rigid at the name and cast his eyes downwards. "I admire how you can look at our boys and still have the strength to not give up on them as well." He grimaced a smile.

"They're great boys. Nothing like you and I." She huffed a small laugh before nodding one last time and walking out, leaving the door open. Brendan fell back in his chair and breathed heavily, unbuttoning his shirt at the top and closing his eyes.

' _One, two, three..._

He kept on counting until someone barged into the office again. This time it was Ste.

"Uh, Brendan?" He asked unsurely, the Irishman snapping his eyes open. The younger man's eyes travelling over him with a worried look. "We've got some wrong deliveries and they said they will only deal with management." Brendan took a deep breath and stood up, buttoning his shirt up. "You alright?" Ste asked quietly. Brendan put on his suit jacket and looked him over.

"Don't ever take your kids for granted, Steven. It breaks your heart when they're gone." He told Ste who stared at him like Brendan was crazy.

"Uh, ta, I suppose?" He moved from the office back to bar. Brendan shook his thoughts away. The past had an ugly way of rearing its head sometimes. The delivery man was giving him attitude because he got the wrong stock order. Instead of drinks, he brought crates of food. Brendan even suggested helpfully that perhaps he should have gone to Tony Hutchinson's restaurant instead but the man gruffly replied that the club's address was the one on the invoice. Which, when Brendan checked, was not true and indeed the deliveries were for Tony.

He walked up the stairs to hear Joel and Ste talking about him.

"What's it like livin' in the nuthouse?” He could hear the mockery in Ste’s thick accent.

“Don’t knock it, mate. It’s really great. I owe Brendan a lot."

“Yeah, right. You know he practically put Warren behind bars.” Normal people would want to defend themselves when hearing someone bad mouth them. Especially someone that mattered but Brendan just stood there and listened. His brain empty of thoughts. “He probably took you in ‘cause he feels guilty, innit?"

“You know, Ste. I think you got Brendan all wrong.” Joel replied. “He’s a real good bloke.” Ste snorted at that. “He is a bit rough around the edges, I ain’t gonna lie but no one in this village would give me a cup of coffee, never mind sleep on their couch."

“That’s not true.” Brendan could practically hear the Mancunian frown.

“Really? How many times did you invite me out for a pint? And how many times did I invite you?” A beat of silence followed. “Exactly. I don’t give a fuck if Brendan feels guilty. He’s the only one that’s actually been sort of a friend to me since I came here. And that’s really fucking rare in me life.” He could hear someone thump down the stairs which he presumed was Joel storming off. As he was standing on the balcony, he noticed Darren Osbourne chasing his father for something, the young Hutchinson boy and JP McQueen walking with coffees in their hands, Sinead O’Connor and her aunt screaming at Cindy Cunningham about ruining Diane’s wedding. The only one who was actually drama free in that moment seemed to be Mitzeee who was busy rushing around the village ignoring everyone.

Brendan shook his head and went inside the club. Ste eyeing him up from the crates.

“So them deliveries are all sorted?” The younger man asked.

“Yeah." He replied and leaned on the bar. "Steven. What do you know about Kevin?" The Mancunian eyed him wearily whilst putting stock out.

"Why?" Brendan shrugged.

"Nothing. Never mind it. Keep up the good work."

"Oi, no. Tell me what's going on?" Brendan raised his eyebrows at the man.

"You're interested in speaking to me now? I thought I was a psychopath." Ste glared at him and put down a bottle with a little more force than necessary. "Careful, that'll come out of your wages if you break it."

"What do you want with Kevin?"

"Just to get to know the lad. I like to have a happy staff." Ste rolled his eyes and grabbed the crate.

"Whatever. You're not me responsibility. Go and kill him if you want. At least I got something to tell the police if they come asking questions." He said and walked down the stairs, missing Joel who was coming back up with a box of glasses.

"What's his problem?" Joel asked Brendan who was staring after Ste.

"Too much thinking, not enough working. Get to it Little Foxy." Joel huffed at the name but went behind the bar and started to put the glasses in the dishwasher.

//\\\//\\\

"So Eileen's just left?" Cheryl asked in a flat tone. She ordered some food from Tony's restaurant so they did have a somewhat of a Christmas dinner. Lynsey texting Doug all the time. Declan also on his phone. Joel eating quietly and Paddy reading a book Lynsey got him.

It wasn't much but it was enough for them.

"She needed to get back. Plus with her newphew being attacked..." Brendan drifted off. "It just weren't a good place to be for her." Declan snorted from his phone and raised his eyes to meet his father's.

"We're her children. Such an inconvenience." He mocked sarcastically and returned back to typing on the touch screen keyboard. Cheryl kept on staring at her brother who was playing around with his food, avoiding replying. Defending Eileen wasn't his job anymore.

Lynsey took it upon herself to break the tension and started talking about the strangest things that happened at the hospital, of course grossing Paddy out so much that the young boy lost interest in his food whilst Joel and Declan laughed. Cheryl and Brendan however were both in their own worlds. Brendan figured his sister was agreeing with her nephews about Eileen but also was glad to be rid of the woman.

The first time Cheryl Brady met Eileen Doherty she vomited on her.

Seamus brought her family over for a drink but the night before, Cheryl sneaked out to a club and her hangover was a bit too much. Eileen's mother was appalled whilst her father and Seamus nearly cried themselves laughing. Brendan just stared vacantly at the whole ordeal and his stepmother tried to salavage the situation.

Whereas Eileen grew a despise for Cheryl who told her to get off her fucking horse because it wasn't that horrible.

However in the next moment, her eyes landed on Brendan as a retaliation technique and Cheryl hit her over the head with a plate.

It was one of the nicest dinners in the Brady household.

"Bren?" Cheryl whispered trying to get his attention. Everyone moved away from the table, happy and fed, opening up their presents or envelopes in Brendan's case. Everyone but them. "I think I need help." She mumbled staring out the window behind his head. "I think we need help."

"What d'you mean, sis?"

"I think I need antidepressants. And I think you need to go counselling." He blinked at his sister. His food cold but still smelling delicious. Cheryl didn't break out into a grin and shouted ' _KIDDING!_ ' or anything similar but in a more Cheryl-eque way. No green goo fell on his head with camera crews coming out of every space possible. Nothing of the sort happened.

"You serious?" She nodded. "Chez, come on. You and I are fine. There's nothing wrong with us."

"There's nothing right with us either." She shot back in a hiss. "You think I don't know it was you who landed Macca in the hospital? I'm not blind. I'm heartbroken. Grieving. Emotionally vacant but I am here and I do see everything. Like those bruises on yer hands." She leaned back in her chair and poured herself a whole glass of wine that Lynsey brought over. "I know you, Bren. And if your ex wouldn’t have been there all the time I’d get my hands on his neck too.” She said void of emotion. “Remember when we’se did Christmas back with da?” She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Look at the two of us now. Big change, eh?” He shook his head and pushed his plate away, grabbing a glass as well.

“Mm.” He admitted. “I’m gonna just nip out for a bit.” He stood up quickly, knocking the glass of wine back.

“Today? Where are you off to?” She asked surprised.

“Gonna see a friend. It’s Christmas after all.” No one in the living room except his sister noticed as he slipped out, busy with keeping each other occupied. It’s good. He didn’t want any attention on him tonight.

//\\\//\\\

The wait was always long. Family members visiting and occupying every table, beginning for a minute longer making the queue bigger. On Christmas, the time was cut short to half an hour so as many inmates could get through the day as possible. The warden tried to be nice like that.

Brendan stared at the mousy young man across the waiting room. He was lean like Brendan liked them. His mouth a bit too wide but that wouldn’t be a problem when he sucked on Brendan’s cock in the toilets. A small child ran past him, disturbing his thoughts and bringing him back to reality. In the second light, the young man looked wrong. Strung out almost and pleading. Brendan wasn’t in the mood for needy.

“Number 7314.” A voice rang out and Brendan pushed through the crowd of people leaving, the crowd trying to enter the room was behind him as their numbers were called out. He spotted his table and sat down, waiting patiently. It wasn’t long before orange came into view and he grimaced a smile.

“Merry Christmas, mate.” He gritted out. “What a bunch of bullshit, eh? You’re looking purplish."

“Colour me amused, Brady. Merry Christmas, you fucking wanker.”

“Ah, there’s the spirit. I thought someone beat all Foxy out of ya.” Warren Fox rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

“You’re getting less funny, each time you come here."

“That’s a lie!” Brendan yelled, slamming his hand on the table before pointing it at Warren who seemed very used to this behaviour. “I still get told I should go on 8 out of 10 cats! My hilarity meter is going through the roof, Foxy.” Brendan grinned wide. “You’re just jealous you can’t be there to witness it."

“Yeah, Walker told me all about it. He was here for a couple of days. But then you’d know that. I didn’t know you had the guts to send anyone else down after what happened with Danny.” Brendan turned away and found himself making eye contact with one of the guards. “Walker’s hanged himself. So one less problem for you, eh? Brady? Cheer up. We’re all responsible for everyone. But look at me, I take it all in stride.” He felt a cold shiver down his spine at the revelation.

“I come here to wish you a good Christmas and you throw this shit at my face. You wonder why I don’t visit you more often.” He spoke in a calm voice but inside of him there was a hurricane of guilt and rage battling for control. “Your boy is working for me. And he’s living with me. He was living with that low life from the city. What was his name?” He clicked his fingers as Warren’s face paled. “Dave. You remember him?” The other man groaned and closed his eyes.

“Joel. What the fuck did I teach you?"

“Nothing. His mother taught him everything and his stepfather. Did you know he knocked him about? The boy talks a lot when he’s got someone to listen.” Warren snorted.

“And what? You’se gonna be his surrogate dad? Now that’s something he needs to learn to survive.” Brendan flipped him off and looked around the room. “And how’s Mitzeee? She still yapping her trap around like a good little cunt around your porn stache?” His look turned sharp and his hands scrunched up into fists. “Just trying to keep the conversation going. You take care of my boy, of me. And you take care of the bitch who sent me here.” He couldn’t last. He jumped over the table and added to those bruises Warren already had on his face. He could feel hands pulling him backwards as Warren was cackling stupidly, blood spewing over his stupid teeth but he wanted to hit more. “See you next year, Brendo!” He yelled as guards were coming to pick him off the floor.

“Happy New Year, Foxy!” Brendan yelled back and let himself being carried away.

They had their way.

//\\\//\\\

“Malachy and Peter called last night.” Cheryl said as she passed him an ice bag. “Peter’s just got a job as a headmaster at a school. Malachy is thinking of coming down here. I don’t know why he’d want to anyways.”

“Poor lad probably bored of not having a fulfilling life." Brendan replied not paying attention and one arm around Paddy who was sleeping on his left. Declan was on his phone, recovered fully from his op and Joel was sitting on the floor, enthralled in the movie. He really wasn't a bad kid as Brendan's eyes roamed over him. Lynsey already left but Mitzeee was quiet. She rarely showed herself on Christmas. Her family casting her out yet using her for her success when it was useful. Brendan once invited her over for Christmas but she broke down the moment she woke up and he let her off.

There were certain dates he'd rather not know either.

A certain birthday or an anniversary.

Cheryl was talking more of Belfast however Brendan tuned her out and thought about Walker. Guilt creeping in slowly. He wanted to get rid of the man, clearly he was gone. He pushed the guilt out as relief started washing over him. Relief that Walker wouldn't cause anymore bullshit unnecessary to his life.

Brendan and Warren's relationship was a fairly simple one.

They were mates. But they beat the shit out of each other and liked to throw anything in each other's faces. It wasn't the healthiest friendship. But it worked for once a year.

"Da?" Declan shook him quietly. "Can I have twenty quid?" Brendan looked over at his sister who was curled up and sleeping as soundly as Paddy. Joel was slumped over on the floor, his head down as well.

"What's it for?" Brendan asked.

"I've got a date tomorrow." Brendan rolled his eyes and pointed to the stand by the door where his wallet was. The teenager smiled a thanks and rummaged through the leather object. It was nearly midnight.

Brendan picked Paddy up and nudged Cheryl who groggily went up the stairs before nudging Joel who moved himself up on the couch and started snoring. Declan stayed in the kitchen for a little while whilst Brendan brought himself and his youngest son up the stairs. It still astounded him how quickly Padraig grew. Two months ago, he still couldn't get his hands around Brendan's neck but now the tips of his fingers were touching.

He was doing a little breath thing when he was starting to get a cold. His mouth would smack a couple of times before rasping in and out of deep breaths and smacking in again. Brendan wondered, as he put the little boy under the covers and tucked him in, what his son has been up to that he got himself ill. A realisation came to him like a shock that he didn't know what his child's life was actually like. He didn't know what Declan did but the teenager didn't particularly mind not sharing. Whereas Paddy did try to connect to his father more. Brendan shook his head and stood up after making sure Paddy was happy and sleeping in his own bed. His own bedroom seemed foreign lately. The place where he had nightmares. Not a safe haven that it was for Declan. No room ever seemed safe anymore.

He breathed heavily and dropped on the bed. His hand throbbed lightly but not enough to bother him. It was getting a bit too much.

He wanted to have a good night sleep for once. So Brendan took the whisky from inside his nightstand. Mitzeee got it for him a couple of weeks ago. It was expensive. And dark. Like he enjoyed his drinks. The alcohol hit his nose first when he opened the bottle. The stench was strong. He smiled to himself. It would help him forget. Forget everything hopefully. And immobilise him.

A voice inside his head that sounded strangely like Des told him it was dangerous to drink so much liquor at once.

But there were so many voices. So much screaming and yelling that Des was meek and barely audible. The one voice that stood out was Ste's telling him to stay away.

Brendan drank.

And it went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Le moi tumblr](http://dominikadecember.tumblr.com)


	13. And The Third Is When Your World Splits Down The Middle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd
> 
> I do not own HO.
> 
> TW: Offensive language, some violence, drug abuse,

The period between Christmas and New Year's always was one favoured in the village. Early closing days at school, minimal working days. It was a week of being lazy where no one could be judged. Brendan laughed as Mitzeee puked into a bin. They were walking in the village with her cussing all the Christmas decorations annoying him since Christmas used to be his favourite time of the year and suddenly a wave of morning sickness came on.

“You’re a bloody bastard.” She rasped out bent over the bin. She pulled the cover off it and was getting dirt all over her brand new coat but at that moment it didn’t matter to her.

“Yeah.” He grinned as another wave of nausea came over her. “At least you’ve shut up for a moment.” He noticed Mercedes McQueen and Riley Costello walking their way. “Oh, yay. We’ve got an audience coming.” He chuckled as Mitzeee picked her head up and groaned, puking again. Mercedes laughed as she spotted them whilst Riley looked worried.

“Mitzeee, you alright?” He asked.

“Probably had a bit too much to drink, didn’t she?” Mercedes interjected with a victorious grin on her face. Mitzeee didn’t reply because her mouth was otherwise occupied.

“You may drink when you’re knocked up, Mercedes but you shouldn’t put all women in the same category as ya.” Brendan defended his best friend half-heartedly.

“Oi! You’se gonna let him talk to me like that?” Mercedes hit Riley’s arm. “He’s calling me a drunk tart.” Riley rolled his eyes.

“I thought I was less obvious about it.” Brendan told Mitzeee who still was spilling her guts out. He patted her back.

“D’you know what? You and this cow can just shove it. I don’t need this! Come on, Riley.” Mercedes stormed off. Riley hesitated for a moment, glancing at Mitzeee but following his current girlfriend. Mitzeee groaned again but stood up, spitting a bit into the bit and putting the cover back on.

“I bloody hate being pregnant." She wiped her mouth with one of her sleeves smudging what was left of her lipstick around her face.

"Aw, it looks good on ya." Brendan grinned choosing to not tell her that she looked like a train wreck. Mitzeee just pushed him back and carried on walking forward but a bit more cautiously this time and swaying from side to side every couple of seconds.

"Shut your mouth. How's Joel working out living at yours?" She asked breathing hard. Brendan thought whether to tell her about his visit to Warren but it wouldn't have been of any use. She still had nightmares about him attacking her.

"Good. The lad fits right into the family. Ain't it odd?"

"Not particularly. You lot are screwed up bunch."

"See, that's the kind of talk that makes me laugh when you're puking your guts out." She glared at him but it looked comical with the messy lipstick. "Declan likes him well enough and Paddy made it his own personal mission to have another big brother. He's been inviting him to all his games more than me."

"Ooh. Someone's jealous."

"Of what? The little runt? He's harmless. And my son still adores me." Mitzeee rolled her eyes at that and Brendan felt like he was trying to reassure himself more than her. "I'm Double B. Ain't no one like me, Anne." She stopped him with a hand slapping his chest.

"I'm gonna hurl." He huffed.

"Don't be so dramatic." But she shook her head and ran to the nearest bin ripping the cover off.

//\\\//\\\

“Right. Where do you want me?” Ste asked and Brendan’s mind immediately flashed to his bed.

“On the bar, Steven. Douglas here can’t seem to make a simple cocktail.” He nodded to the American who was shaking for some reason. “Maybe you ought to see someone about that, Dougie.” The Yank looked at him with wide eyes and took a step back from the bottles.

“I’m just having a bad day. I’m fine. Really.” He turned to Ste who was eyeing him worriedly. “Just a bad day. We all have those, don’t we?” Brendan looked over at Jacqui who was whispering furiously about something with Rhys in the corner. “It’s just my parents want to come down here, meet Lynsey and I just don’t really think that’s a good idea because—"

“Fascinating story.” Brendan cut him off. “Steven, on the bar. Douglas, get yourself down to the cellar and organise the stock.” He moved forward not looking at the two men to find out what Rhys and Jacqui were up to. However she saw him walking towards them and cut off their conversation immediately. Brendan cocked his head to the side. “What’s this? Staff meeting?"

“You know me, Brendan. Just making sure efficiency is on par.” Jacqui smiled at him and walked off. Rhys’ eyes following her behind until Brendan stood in front of him.

“What’s up, boss?” He swallowed nervously.

“Word of advice, Rhys. She’ll eat you alive if you ain’t careful.” The other man chuckled unsurely at the words and his gaze wavered. “Need you working the bar with Steven, not gaping at Jacqueline.” Rhys nodded and walked over to the young Mancunian. Face in a frown and evil glares from the corners of their eyes but they did their job and soon the club was open. Jacqui finished earlier saying she wanted to get home because there’s been drama again which was a very usual occurrence. His eyes remained for the night on Ste whilst his mind was a thousand miles away. The stock orders kept on being messed up and he didn’t like it. Jacqui didn’t think much of it but she was never really keen on doing the paperwork. She’d always pawned it off on Walker and now she needed to it a lot more often. The thought of Walker brought up his conversation with Warren again. And as his thoughts have a habit of doing, soon progressed to the thought of Danny Houston. Perhaps it was better that he’d stay away from Ste.

He didn’t stay away from Vinnie and the poor bloke ended up dead in a ditch. Literally. Danny had a peculiar sense of humour.

Brendan went into the office and shut the door, sitting in his chair and thumbing the cross around his neck. The cross his ma gave him when he was five. She claimed it would connect him to God. That it would protect him and help him be a good catholic boy. She always smiled so sad. Seamus always grinned so large. Brendan shook himself as the thought of his father shook through him. Last night he pissed the bed. December always was the worst when it came to sleeping. Brought back too many memories. Brendan turned on the computer and tried to distract himself with the internet but it weren’t any use. He was craving something. Craving someone to help him forget about everything he felt guilty about.

Doug came in and out of the office a couple of times asking dumb questions about where to find spare glasses or napkins or whatever. For someone who worked at the club over a month and was in quite often, he was still clueless. Brendan wanted to shake the Yank and say to get a grip. The sounds of students getting drunk, cheering and the loud bad music made his head bang. He marched out to the bar after an hour of useless internet browsing and got one of the bottles of whisky from behind the bar, pushing past Ste and Rhys. Rhys didn’t even notice him but Ste glanced at him as he was getting a drink for someone. Brendan grabbed the bottle, one of the clean glasses and went back into the office, slamming the door. The liquor hitting his throat before he had the chance to sit back down again. The liquor was good and it helped numb him. Helped him forget. But it didn’t ease the craving. Doug came into the office again asking for him and he gruffly asked if the American just liked opening doors.

“Some guys started hassling Ste and there’s a fight breaking out.” Doug said with panic in his voice. He didn’t look good either. Brendan got up immediately at the mention of Ste’s name and moved out of the office to see four guys bigger than the Mancunian yelling obscenities at him and one grabbing at his shirt. The younger man was not passive by any standard. He was calling them the most colourful names in the universe and twisting at the hands that were holding onto him. He looked furious and ready for a fight. His face flushed, his eyes shining with fierceness, fingers clenching into fist and his teeth out ready to bite at any second.

He looked delectable.

Rhys was standing next to him trying to ease the situation but obviously his skills weren’t up to it. Brendan walked over with a cocky grin and adrenaline rushing already through his veins.

“Lads, can I ask why you’se messing up my club?” He asked one of the four men. They were all skinheads and the one grabbing at Ste seemed like the obvious ring leader. He released Ste and faced Brendan taking a step towards him.

“Yeah. Your pansy scum is thieving me. I gave him a fifty quid note and he’s given me back incorrect change.” Brendan raised his eyebrows, eyes wondering over at Ste quickly who shook his head. He was breathing hard though and there were beads of sweat forming all over his face.

“Wow.” Brendan said slowly as his eyes came back to look at the skinhead in front of him. “Didn’t pick you for a type who knew how to count.” The skinhead bared his teeth and came towards him trying to tower over him but Brendan was a fairly tall man so it was a difficult task to do.

“The fuck you say to me, Irish pig?” He spat, his saliva landing on Brendan’s face. The Irishman blinked and wiped the spit off his face with one finger before wiping the finger on the man’s track jacket. Everything went silent. Brendan thought at first it was just adrenaline pumping through his ear drums but after a second he came to a realisation that every sound in the club did stop. All the customers stopped dancing or drinking to watch the scene unfold. The DJ stopped the music to hear better too. Some even stopped breathing for a moment waiting for Brendan to react.

“I’m saying that you should get back to school and learn some maths.” Brendan grinned and flippantly slapped the man’s shoulder. “Now you and your boys, get yourselves out of me club."

“Or what? You’ll do it for us? Here’s some maths for ya. There’s four of us and one of ya. Seems the odds are in our favour."

“Hunger games reference.” He heard someone whisper in the background. “Drink.” A bunch of shot glasses clinked the table as they were emptied into someone’s stomach.

“Well, you can’t say I didn’t ask you nicely.” He looked around the club and in that moment he did actually miss Walker. The man did the dirty work for him but now he had to do it himself again. He elbowed the man in the face and grabbed him by his tie towards the fire exit. His friends either too stunned or too dumb to do anything. He threw the man onto the stairs and came back in not waiting to see whether the man managed to walk or rolled down. He pointed his finger at the nearest skinhead. “Oi. Get the fuck out.” The skinhead went grabbing his friend with him but the last one hesitated. Brendan could see how he calculated in his head how the fight would go. Brendan was bigger, taller and stronger. Plus the skinhead was swaying on his feet so the man decided to give himself a break. Brendan shut the fire exit door and raised his eyebrows at the DJ who immediately put the music back on. Soon the chatter resumed and the incident forgotten about. Rhys went back behind the bar miming a fight at a Brendan and throwing him a thumbs up whilst Ste didn’t look at him at all. Doug was standing next to the office with huge eyes but moved as soon as Brendan barked at him to do something useful with himself.

He hoped it wasn’t anything that would cause a health inspection.

//\\\//\\\

He looked around the floor and decided it was disgusting. But it could wait till the next day. Doug and Rhys left as soon as the words left him mouth but Ste stuck around. Brendan stared at him until the young man finally started talking.

“I just wanted to say thanks, you know. For getting that bloke off me.” He mumbled, fumbling with that thin jacket. “You didn’t have to do that, though. I was perfectly capable of taking care of me self.”

“Of course, Steven.” Brendan walked over to him and stood right in front of the younger man. “You and your invisible muscles would make those four guys cry.” He smirked. “With laughter.” Ste narrowed his eyes and shoved him lightly.

“Oi, I decked ya, didn’t I?"

“Lucky shot.” Brendan retorted still smirking. Ste shook his head.

“I don’t get ya, yeah? One moment you’re an absolute bastard and the next you’re being all nice. I don’t understand you. And why did you attack that bloke?” He ranted, his hands flailing in all directions. As Brendan watched him a familiar warm feeling spread in his chest. “You nearly killed him, Brendan. And you are dead scary but my Leah and Lucas love ya for some reason. I can’t stop thinking about ya! You drive me insane and I don’t even know ya!” Brendan pushed him against the wall and attacked his mouth with his own. Sweet taste of Ste’s lips going straight down his body as he grunted into the filthy kiss that the younger man was whining into.

“Right back at you, Steven.” He gasped out, his hands getting up to Ste's neck and pushing him further up against the wall so the other man had to wrap his legs around Brendan. His mouth moved to Ste’s neck, mouthing at the throat.

“This isn’t fair.” Ste moaned as Brendan grinded against him. “I think we should talk. Maybe.”

“Talking.” Brendan murmured against Ste’s throat. “Very important right now.”

“No.” Ste rasped out before pushing Brendan away. “Yeah. Actually it is. I’ve never been with another bloke before. But I like ya, Bren. I want to do this right.” Brendan rolled his eyes and took a step back and sat at one of the chairs, crossing his fingers together and looking at Ste expectedly.

“What exactly do you want, Steven?” He asked bracing himself to be either disappointed or rejected. Ste took a few moments, first looking at the closed door and then sitting across from Brendan.

“Why did you beat that guy up?” Brendan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. For some reason, he felt safe with Ste. He felt like he could tell him anything. But it was difficult to get the words out.

“That was Macca.” He took another deep breath. “He’s my ex-wife’s nephew. I had a little girl, Steven. Her and Paddy were twin. Niamh.” He smiled at the memory of her running around him with her long brown hair that shined an auburn in sunlight. “Macca and Seamus, my father. They came home one night drunk. Eileen didn’t want to let them in. I hadn’t come home yet and she was by herself with the three of them. Two drunk men pounding at her door. She didn’t want them inside.” As he was opening up, he could see the whole night in front of his eyes again. “They started a fire. Burned the house down. I got there when Eileen was climbing out the window. Declan behind her, holding Paddy. I went in to get Niamh. She was screaming but I couldn’t find her.” Brendan’s hands were shaking in the tight grip but he was staring straight at Ste. The fire still fresh in his mind. “They killed my baby girl. Declan barely remembers her. Blocked her out as much as possible. She was only two. Paddy doesn’t remember her at all, thank fuck. I can’t hit Seamus. But I can hit Macca.” Ste’s eyes were watering but tears hadn’t fallen yet. Brendan never cried for Niamh. He felt like he didn’t deserve to. “I should have been there.” He admitted. “But I was busy. Screwing Lynsey’d brother. There. Anything else, Steven?” The younger man dropped his head to hide the tears.

“I’m so sorry, Brendan.” He whispered.

“Shit happens. You want to know anything else?” Brendan’s voice steady and unwavering as he felt his world unravel. Ste sniffed and looked at him with red eyes and a tear stained face.

“I don’t really know what to say now. Didn’t expect that.”

“Trust me, Steven. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.” He said nonchalantly but feeling like he was losing control. “I am not a good man and I don’t pretend to be. I don’t like having people in my business. But I like you, Steven.” The younger man smiled lightly.

“I like you, too, Brendan. I don’t understand what I’m feeling for you. But I know it’s very intense, it’s very scary and I don’t want to give it up.” Brendan felt that warm feeling in his chest again. “So I think we should go out. On a proper date.” If there was a record playing in the background, it would definitely scratch at that moment. “I don’t want to have some dodgy kisses in the dark.” Brendan wasn’t sure if the entire world did stop on its’ axis or if it was just his brain shortening out. Ste laughed a little. “You look like I just told you I’m pregnant or somethin’."

“Something like that.” He muttered under his breath.

“Just one date. Please.” Ste pleaded, his eyes big and hopeful and doing things to Brendan’s imagination.

“Alright.” He stood up and leaned over Ste’s chair. “One date.” He kissed him lightly. “This weekend.” Another kiss. “But you know, the cellar is also very comfortable.” He murmured against Ste’s lips at which the younger man chuckled and pulled away.

“I’m not some tart, Brendan.” He grinned smug. “You’ve got to butter me up first, innit?” He stood up. “I look forward to it, Brendan.” He kissed him quickly one last time before leaving. Brendan’s eyes following his arse and thinking that the younger man would soon grow to hate his guts. Everyone did.

//\\\//\\\

“Kevin. I need ya to work on Saturday to cover for Steven.” Brendan said as he walked up the stairs. Joel and Ash quickly abandoned their card game as he walked up the stairs and went back to cleaning the club. Kevin looked at him annoyed.

“What? Why do I have to?” The blonde man whined in a high pitched voice. “What’s he got on anyways? It’s not like he has a social life—"

“I don’t care! Just do it.” Brendan interrupted him and went to the office. He was in a foul mood because dumb John Paul McQueen spilled his coffee whilst nearly running him over on his daily run. Which he pointed out obviously because everyone in the world needed to know that John Paul McQueen spend every waking second of his life taking care of his appearance like the self absorbed vain narcissist that he was.

Brendan looked for a clean shirt in one of the drawers but of course there weren't any. His last emergency clothing was used up. He rang Cheryl hoping she'd bring him something to change into. But she didn't pick up. He had a business meeting with a man who wanted to book the club for his daughter's wedding and he was willing to pay a hefty amount of money. Daddy's little girl got everything and Brendan was more than willing to milk that for all money that he could. He yelled Ash's name getting the young woman into the office.

"I need to go out for about half an hour. You're in charge. Make sure all the stock is out, everything is clean and if someone shows up looking for me, tell them to wait in the office."

"Why? You expecting someone?" She smirked. He brushed past her, ignoring the remarks thrown his way and Joel's inquisitive looks. The benefit of living right in the village was that his house was near by. The downside however was that everyone wanted to know his business. Sinead O’Connor came up to him as he left the club with a coy smile.

“Hi, Brendan. What are you up to today?” She asked in an overly nasal voice.

“Work. You know. A job.” He smiled a grimace at her. “It’s something normal people do.” Her eyes widened as the insult sunk in but Brendan was already walking past her up the stairs to his house. Cheryl was sleeping on the couch as he came in. He frowned at the sight. Her phone was right next to her and the noise should have woken her up. “Chez?” He shook her but she wasn’t waking up. “Chez? Cheryl, wake up.” He shook her again, harder this time. But it still weren’t of any use. Dread came over him. He checked her breathing and her pulse. Both were thankfully alright. But his sister was in deep slumber and wasn’t waking up. He looked around for an explanation and his eyes landed on a box on the floor under the table. He picked it up feeling his heart beat hard against his chest as he read over the pill description. “Sleeping pills?” He muttered trying to find out how many she took. Half of the box was empty. He dialled Lynsey’s number.

“Brendan, I’m at work. What do you need?” She sounded rushed and he thumbed the box whilst staring at his little sister.

“It’s Chez. She took some sleeping pills. She took a lot. What do I do?” Lynsey went quiet on the other side.

“Is she breathing?”

“She-She’s breathing and her pulse is normal speed. But she’s not waking up. Lynsey. Lynsey, what do I do?” His voice weakened as he spoke. His baby sister was passed out and not waking up.

“Brendan. I want you to keep calm. I’m gonna be there in about half an hour. I want you to keep monitoring her breathing and her pulse, alright? Keep calm.” Lynsey ended the call and Brendan took his sister’s wrist in his palm, feeling for her heartbeat.

He texted Jacqui to take over that meeting with the bloke and he waited for Lynsey to come.

His eyes never leaving Cheryl.

//\\\//\\\

“She’s alright.” Lynsey was sitting at the kitchen table. The two of them stayed and watched over Cheryl the whole night. Declan and Paddy looking at them with concern but Lynsey assured them that everything was fine. When Cheryl finally woke up, she was groggy and fairly unresponsive so Lynsey suggested the Irishwoman take a shower first.

“This isn’t like her, Lynsey. What am I supposed to do?"

“You’re supposed to be her big brother. Look out for her. But she’s going through a lot right now. You know that. She’s lost Nate. And he was more important than what you can imagine.” She drank her tea. “Brendan, she’s alright this time but this behaviour is worrying. I think Cheryl should see someone to help her. Maybe a therapist?” Brendan shook his head and ran a hand over his face.

“She said she wanted to go on antidepressants. I should have listened.” Lynsey didn’t say anything to that. Just squeezed his shoulder. “I don’t know how to help her. I thought she was getting better.”

“Cheryl is a good actress when she wants to be, Bren.” Lynsey told him. “I’ve got to get going. Talk to her.” He nodded and listened as she walked out the door. The boys were still in their room and Joel didn’t come back last night so Brendan had some time to mull last night’s events in his head. Apparently Jacqui got the business for a hefty price which was good and it made Brendan remember that she was one of the most creative negotiators he knew. Cheryl walked down the stairs and rolled her eyes.

“Not now, Brendan.” She put the kettle on.

“I don’t even know where to begin, Chez."

“Oh, do one, Bren. How many times did I walk in on you passed out because you drunk too much?” She glared at him. “You honestly think you’re one to talk to me about setting my limits?"

“No.” He agreed. “We’re going to counselling. Both of us. If it’ll help you. And I don’t want you to take those pills anymore."

“You’re not in charge of me, Brendan. I can take as many pills as I want to.” She hissed at him. Brendan stood up and put his hands on her shoulders.

“Cheryl. I love you. And if I have to put you in a rug to drag you to get some help, then that’s what I’m going to do.” She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

“I just miss him so much.” She whispered. “It hurts being here without him.” He nodded.

“I know. But I can’t lose ya, Cheryl. If you don’t want to stay on this planet for yourself, stay for me, stay for the boys. Stay for Lynsey. Because there is no universe I want to exist in that does;t have Cheryl Brady in it.” She sniffed and put her arms around him, crying into his coffee soaked, day old suit. Brendan breathed and held her in his arms like when they were little and a bully made her run to her big brother. He always tried to protect her as much as possible. But you can’t protect people from the dead.


	14. And Fourth, You're Gonna Think That You Fixed Yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own HO
> 
> Unbeta'd
> 
> Warning: Offensive language, violence

The day began shit. The fridge was empty so no breakfast. There were problems with the water boiler so cold showers in December and the heating was on the fritz.

Then of course the car wouldn't start. Cheryl was sitting in the passenger seat biting back any comments. The cab was extremely expensive and he spent his entire contents of his wallet on it. In the therapist's waiting room, there was this stench of that vapour rub you put on your chest when you're ill and it always made Brendan sick to his stomach because it was always Seamus who put it on him.

"What brought you both here?" The therapist, Madeline, asked. She was a woman close in their grandmother’s age and that put Brendan off. He had bad memories when it came to Nana Flo.

"My sister's fiancé died and she can't cope with the grief."

"My brother drinks and hates his life." Madeline blinked at the both of them for a moment, stunned before opening her notepad and writing something down. Brendan and Cheryl just sat there in silence watching her. She put the pen down on the paper and smiled at them.

"I see we've got a lot of ground to cover. I will do my best to help you both however, I would suggest independent therapy as well. We can only tackle so much in an hour." Brendan rolled his eyes at that. Of course, the woman just wanted to take all their money. "What would you like to start with?" Brendan looked at his sister who took a deep breath.

"My fiancé was ill for a long time and a couple of months ago, he passed away. I was never actually prepared for him dying. And I find it difficult to get over his death." She glanced out the window before continuing. “I’ve been taking some sleeping pills because it’s been…tough to get a goodnight’s sleep. But I may have gone overboard with them."

“She took half the box at once and didn’t wake up till the next day.” Brendan clarified.

“What am I supposed to do, Brendan?” Cheryl snapped at him. “I tried to tell you that I wanted help but you dismissed it because we weren’t raised that way. You don’t know how to deal with me so you avoid me, try to pawn me off on Lynsey or the boys. I am heartbroken. I am sad. And it hurts, Bren.” She whispered. “It hurts so much I’d rather be unconscious."

“What goes through your head when you hear your sister speak that way, Brendan?” Madeline asked. There was a bookshelf full of books on human psychology. One clock where he could see the time and one facing away. A window on the side.

“It makes me think you’re selfish, Chez.” He said honestly. “We all have shit to deal with. We all lose people. But we move on. Your nephews need their aunt. Eileen’s given up on them and you’re giving up on them too."

“My pain in grief means I’m giving up on my family and being selfish?!”

“Yes!” He yelled back. “You’ve been gone since before Nate went into the hospital. And we haven’t gotten you back! My sister is gone and I don’t want to be around the person that is sitting next to me.” He looked at Madeline who was writing notes down quickly. “And you’re no help, either. What the fuck is supposed to happen in here anyways?” The woman didn’t answer straight away. She finished her writing as Brendan grew frustrated with the silence and closed her notepad.

“Everyone’s experience with therapy is different, Brendan.” She spoke in a calm voice but her eyes were locked in a steel gaze with his own. “Some gain a deeper understanding of one self. Others go through a journey that helps them resolve their problems. However it is a process that takes time."

“Fucking hell.” He muttered rubbing his forehead.

“You said you’d come with me.” Cheryl pointed out.

“I’m here, right?” He asked her annoyed.

“Yeah. And you’re being fairly honest for a change.” She commented. “I could appreciate an honest conversation with you for a change. About why you hate our father. About Niamh and the anniversary of her death. About your failed marriage. And why haven’t you introduced me to any of your girlfriends? I know you’ve been with someone or are you just having random sex? I know nothing about you!"

“When was I supposed to introduce anyone to you? When Nate was dying? At his funeral where you were kicked out or maybe when we were dealing with their lawyers?” Cheryl’s eyes went wide.

“Wait. Is there someone?” He looked at her, at Madeline and then back at his baby sister.

“Fuck this. I’m gonna wait outside.” He left slamming the door. Only outside of the house, when the gate closed behind him, Brendan realised two things.

One. It was fucking freezing.

Two. He didn’t have any money to get another cab so he had to take the bus home.

“Fantastic.” He grumbled and blew air onto his hands.

//\\\//\\\

Cheryl didn’t speak to him the whole way. She just stormed into the house and slammed the door in his face before he could follow. Once inside, his children looked at him with interest whilst Joel kept his head low.

"I thought you lot was going to go to some winter wonderland shit." Brendan observed. Declan shrugged.

"S'was too cold." The teenager grinned. "How was your outing?" Brendan flipped his son off as his sister came back into the living room.

"You're a bastard." She said simply making both of his sons snort.

"You wanted me to be honest so I was, Chez! I've got nothing to apologise for!" She spluttered staring at him.

"You?! YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO APOLOGISE FOR?!" Her eyes were nearly buldging out of their sockets. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, BRENDAN?! You're the epitome of walking sin who makes others monsters and you think you've got nothing to apologise for?!" She took off her scarf and threw it on the side of the couch. "How about for calling me selfish?! What about for saying I don't need help?! Walking out on me today! Running over my hamster!"

"That happened over ten years ago!" He shouted at her.

"THAT HAMSTER HAD MORE EMOTIONAL DEPTH THAN YOUR DUMB MUSTACHE!" She screeched and pounded her feet up the stairs. Brendan rolled his eyes and put his leather coat up on the coat rack. The other three occupants were staring at him curiously.

"You ran over Auntie Cheryl's hamster?" Paddy asked quietly.

"Jesus, Pad. Not the time." He went into the kitchen and brew himself a tea. His head full of red. His vision was literally turning to red. He closed his eyes but he could hear someone coming up to him.

“Da, can I have a bunk bed, pleeeeease?” Paddy asked Brendan. “I really want a bunk bed and if Joel is gonna be staying with us, he can stay in my room.”

His phone buzzed with a message from Mitzeee.

' _Can you pick me up? My train just got cancelled ffs!!!!!!!!_ '

He frowned as more texts accosted his phone.

' _I'm gonna cry. This is so fucking unfair!_ '

' _unbelievable, two trains just passed me. None going to where I need it to!'_

' _ugh! This is one of the shittiest days ever! Can the fucking world just swallow me up?!'_

_'I hate the fucking universe'_

_'please pick me up_ '

 _'WHY DID YOU LET ME GO AND SEE MY MOTHER?!_ '

' _I should have a new name. Trainwreck Anne_ '

Brendan looked at his son who was still staring expectedly at him with big blue eyes.

"Joel?" He asked the Scot staring back at Paddy. "You wanna share a room with Pad?"

"Uh, sure?" Joel replied hesitant. Brendan scratched his beard first before replying.

"Fine. I'll get you a bunk bed tomorrow." The young boy jumped up and down overcome with joy and ran to the couch, jumping over his older brother high fiving Joel in the process.

Brendan read over the messages again and looked through his wallet. It was empty. He sighed remembering the car was down and rang for a taxi. It was only 2 in the afternoon but Brendan was already fucking tired. He left the house not telling his boys anything even though Declan inquired after his father in a mocking way. He quickly got to the cash point and got some money out. His bank account doing well enough to support him, his boys and his sister. He wondered what Cheryl would do with all the money Nate left her for a moment as he waited for the cab. Mitzeee texted him a couple more times and when the car stopped in front of her sad mopey face, he actually felt even worse. On a good day, if he saw Mitzeee looking down, he’d probably take the mick out of her but it seemed to not be the case on this Saturday. She was soaked and sniffled as she got in next to him.

“You alright?” He asked quietly. Partly as to not draw attention to them from the driver and partly because he wasn’t sure if he wanted her to answer. She was staring out the window and he could only imagine what went on. He witnessed enough times to know exactly how the Minniver family dinners went.

“Tired.” She replied not looking at him in a small voice. He took her hand in his and squeezed hard. Mitzeee Minniver was a confident woman in herself, however his Anne was braver than anyone he could have imagined.

//\\\//\\\

After dropping Mitzeee back home, he went to the club to check in and it turned out that Douglas Carter was a fucking little prick who destroyed three crates of stock. Brendan wanted to strangle the Yank. Jacqui and Rhys were staring at him confused and stunned about what to do and when Brendan growled to get some from the off licence, they objected.

“We can’t do that! That’s three crates, Brendan! It’s a lot more than us being short a couple of bottles!” Jacqui screeched someone cackling on the left. Brendan glared as John Paul McQueen was pissing himself on the couch.

“Blame the fucking American then! Get as much as you can from the shops! You’re fucking each other so help each other carry shit!” He yelled pissed off making the McQueen man laugh even louder and Doug hiding in a corner of the bar.

“Oi! You watch your mouth, Brady.” Jacqui pointed at him a finger in warning. Brendan narrowed his eyes and took a step forward but Rhys quickly intervened and pulled Jacqui away. He called on Doug and John Paul too.

“We’ll get the booze, boss.” He assured Brendan and the four of them disappeared leaving the Irishman pissed off. Brendan took a deep breath and went into the office, slamming the door shut, someone jumping up with a yelp from behind the metal cupboards. It was Kevin. And he had the stock folder in his hands. Brendan narrowed his eyes and smiled widely at the younger man.

“What you’ve got there, Kev?” He didn’t wait for an answer and ripped the folder out of Kevin’s hands looking over the paper. The numbers were changed. He looked back up at the blonde who swallowed nervously.

“I was just trying to get to know a bit more about the club. You know, in case you want me to ever take on some more responsibility.” Brendan cocked his head to the side.

“I don’t.”

“Oh.” Kevin’s eyes were running wild from Brendan to the door. “Well, I thought just maybe. In case. But good to know.” Brendan took a big step towards Kevin so he was standing right in front of him and breathed in deep.

“Hmm. What game are you playing at, Kevin?” He asked in a low voice. "Doing me head in with the stock? Huh? Let me guess. You were Walker’s little play thing.” The younger man paled at the man’s name and shuddered, leaning on the wall.

“I was just doing what I was supposed to.” Kevin whispered.

“And what’s that?” A beat passed in the dead silence of the office as Kevin braced himself to respond. Eyes watering.

“It’s not Walker. He thought I was…with you. But I know it’s not me you really want.” The younger man smiled. But it looked wrong. Like blood on white canvas. “Danny’s not happy with you, Brendan.” A second flashed and Brendan had Kevin’s head shoved into one of the metal cupboards, holding him down by his neck. The younger man trying to get out of the grip but the Irishman stronger than him.

“Now, here, Kev. We’re in a pickle. See, I am very willing to let you go on and exist in your happy universe but you are going to tell me everything from inside that fucking drawer.” Brendan said as calmly as possible, his jaw clenched tight. Kevin struggled a bit more before surrendering and speaking. Albeit, his voice was slightly muffled but Brendan could hear the words so clearly, he was positive he had 20-20 hearing again.

“They found me. Danny’s people. I was on my way to Scotland to start fresh but they made me come here. He’s the one who had Walker killed. He wanted you to feel safe. He wants to hurt you for what you did to him."

“How are you getting in touch with his people? Do they give you orders? What?"

“I was supposed to make your club go under.” Kevin sobbed. “I don’t know who else is trying to sabotage you. But I wouldn’t be surprised if there was someone in every single aspect of your life threatened into destroying you.” Brendan let go of Kevin and took a step back breathing hard. It wasn’t a surprise that Danny was getting back at him but it was surprising that it took him this long. Kevin pulled his head out of the drawer, red marks on the side of his face and sat on the floor, blinking back tears. “He wants to fuck you up. I had a girlfriend. Back home. That’s how they got me into this. Threatened to kill her. Threatened to do much worse.” The younger man sniffed and wiped his nose with his hoodie sleeve. “They come by my flat every couple of days. Different guys. Never the same. Wanting an update. So far, they’ve been alright with everything I’ve done.” Brendan looked down at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What _have_ you done?” Kevin paused again before answering.

“So far? I’ve cancelled orders. Destroyed your stock. Fucked up your stock. And I’ve been taking money out of the safe.” He admitted.

“Where is it?”

“I gave it to charity. Didn’t want stolen money.” He muttered.

“All money’s stolen, Kev.” Brendan looked at the hole in the wall and frowned thinking how to go about this. He didn’t want Kevin dead and if the younger man admitted he confessed everything, he’d be the one raped and dead. Danny’s people probably got some shitty photos off Facebook, didn’t even know where the old girlfriend was before Kevin told them. Brendan was having a really shitty day. “I’m gonna save your miserable life and you will owe me for the rest of it because of that.” He crouched to Kevin’s eye level, the younger man nodding furiously. Brendan pulled out his mobile and rang a number. “Charlie. It’s Double B. Yep, long time. Would love to talk about how my life is but it seems you’ve been spying on me for Danny.” Kevin’s eyes widened. “Danny Houston is history, mate. You leave me alone, stop sending pretty little boys my way and I get you in contact with a former international acquaintance of mine that deals for the Spanish cartel.” He grinned wide at the blonde. “Ace.” He finished the phone call and sighed. “You know what I just did? Got you and your little girlfriend’s a free pass. Now you owe me fairly big. Let’s start with you working the whole of next week.”

“I don’t understand.” Kevin mumbled. “Why did you just do that? You’re not in that life anymore.”

“Because I like this club. Stop fucking with it. Now get the fuck out and clean yourself up. You look like a bad cocktail.” Kevin scrambled off the floor and left the office. Jacqui coming up with Rhys, Doug and John Paul behind her. All three men carrying two heavy duty bags in each hand whilst she was only holding a phone and texting furiously with a grin on her face. Brendan leaned in the doorframe and crossed his arms eyeing his employees.

‘ _Honestly, Danny. Thought you could do better.’_

//\\\//\\\

The restaurant Ste wanted to go, was in the city so Brendan had to cash out for another taxi. He eyed the place from inside the cab and asked the driver if it was the right address.

“S’right, mate. Not my flavour but if it’s your type of club, good luck pulling one of them, whatd’yama call ‘em? Them twinks?” Brendan felt his eye twitch at the word. Ste was very much a twink. Brendan sighed and left the cab, paying his fair. Ste was nowhere in sight but a lot of the men who were standing outside of the club were giving him interested looks which he ignored as he rang the Mancunian. It went straight to voicemail but there was text that Ste would be running late because there was so much traffic and the bus was taking ages. Brendan smiled to himself as he read the misspelled text in that accent and looked around for an inconspicuous place to wait.

He eyed the club again. It was loud and crowded and some people standing in line to get in, were Seamus’ age. The thought of Seamus quickly returning his mood to a low one. He was feeling nervous. He was on a fucking date. He never went on dates. Not even with Eileen. She just came over to their house or he come over to hers and that was it. All his fucks were fucks that did not matter as much. But this one he wanted to get right. This one mattered. He paced to the shop on the corner and got more money out. He wanted a good end to the day. He just wanted a good night.

He put his money in the wallet and turned around to get back to the front of the club trying Ste’s phone again.

Men still looking at him. He blew air on his hands, feeling the cold as the phone rang. And rang.

He just wanted for one fucking night to not be ashamed of who he was.

Ste had a magic power over him where Brendan could be unafraid.

But he wasn’t showing up and there were people staring at him. And a voice started speaking up in his head. The one that whispered how much of a pathetic poof he was. How he was soft. How he weren’t a man. The voice that whispered after. After the owner of the voice was finished with him. Brendan ended the call feeling agitated and wanting to hit something. Hit someone the more he saw men he didn’t want, look at him. Once he craved it. Not tonight. Tonight he wanted it to stop.

“Brendan!” A voice rang out cutting off all thoughts in his head and he turned around to see a bright smile running towards him. Blue eyes dancing with happiness.

And the world stopped as Brendan pulled Ste towards him, wrapping his arms around the younger man and kissing him hard, ignoring the entire universe that wasn’t the two of them in the orbit.

In that moment, everything was right where it was supposed to be.

“Sorry, I’m late.” Ste said smiling happily and clutching onto Brendan’s face with his gloved hands. “Though, if I’m going to be getting welcomes like that every time, I might as well be late all the time.” Brendan pulled him even closer.

“Don’t.” He pleaded quietly. “Don’t leave me, Steven.” He murmured, his head against Ste’s and eyes closed.

“Alright.” The younger man said softly, his thumb running circles over Brendan’s face. “Let’s go somewhere. There’s this real nice restaurant above the club.” He pulled Brendan towards a door next to the club’s entrance that was obscured by all the men standing in front of it. “It’s done so nice in this 70s style. Really funky.” Ste prattled on as they walked up the small stairs and Brendan listened to the sound of his voice because that voice drowned out everything that was wrong. The restaurant wasn’t anything special to Brendan’s eye but Ste was in awe and grinned at him brilliantly. It was warm so Brendan was alright with it.

Ste dragged him into one of the smaller booths and passed him the menu, still talking about the design of the restaurant whilst looking over the menu probably not reading it. But Brendan just sat next to him and watched the younger man speak, feeling warmth in his chest.


	15. Fifth, You See Them Out With Someone Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back. Apologies for the long hiatus. Personal life and writer's block got in the way. Not to mention the EU referendum. Fucking terrified for my future now. But Pride was yesterday and I didn't get a chance to upload it, doing it today so HAPPY PRIDE!!!!

Heaven and hell were foreign concepts to Brendan Brady. In Sunday school, Sister Agnes tried to explain to him over and over and over again one was good and one was bad. Brendan didn’t have a problem understanding that. It was clearly written in the Holy Bible that Heaven was paradise where the good people go.

He couldn’t believe life wasn’t Hell.

The smell of smoke bringing him back to the reality in front of him as he stared on at the flames of fire dancing furiously. It felt like hell. Every day felt like hell. Every moment he was alive hurt and burned him on the inside.

“Brendan.” Ste whispered putting his hand on his shoulder. “What happened? What did you do?” Brendan closed his eyes.

“I’m so tired, Steven. So fucking tired.” He admitted opening his eyes again. The fire gone. Instead there were people standing around him in a circle with worried expressions and there was blood on his hands. He was on the ground and he was feeling lost.

“Brendan, I think you was stabbed.” Ste said in a voice that told Brendan, Ste said it a couple of times. “Someone ring an ambulance!” He yelled at the people who were standing around. “Brendan?” Brendan blinked at the world darkening around him.

If life wasn’t hell, then what was waiting for him was a terrifying thought.

**//\\\8 Months Earlier//\\\**

“Your hair is wet.”

“Great observation, Brendan.” His sister replied with a snark in her voice. She was still angry about what happened in therapy.

"Well, it's not raining outside so I thought it was weird."

"Well, I don't care what you think, do I?" She hissed walking up the stairs stomping her feet like a child. Brendan sighed and closed his eyes wishing he was anywhere but there. His date (even though he refused to call that) with Ste went well however it didn't even end in a measly snog against the wall. Ste just smiled at him for a minute and when Brendan was going to lean in, the little sod took a step back with a grin and took off bidding him goodbye.

Brendan didn't know if he wanted to ring his neck or push him up against the wall. His thinking process was a bit complicated.

"Da? Why is aunt Chez wet?" Declan asked coming down. He went to the doctor's the night before and was officially fully recovered from his appendectomy.

"No clue. How's the bunk bed working out for your brother?"

"Can't shut up about it." Declan murmured walking into the kitchen. "I can't wait for the day when he discovers you're not the greatest dad on the planet. I think I'll throw a party." The teenager said bitterly. "Joel also thinks you're a saint of sorts. It's weird." Brendan rolled his eyes at his child knowing full well the teenager had every right to be angry with how different Brendan was with Padraig. He didn't mean to do that. He didn't even want kids when Declan came. He treated them differently because he was different when they grew up. But Declan didn't need to understand that. He was the child.

Children shouldn't exist in the world unless they would be loved and well taken care of. They had every right to not understand why their parents failed them.

But it didn't make life any easier.

And the more Declan grew up, the less sympathetic he grew towards Brendan. The less he needed him.

"What are you up to today?" Brendan asked interested in his son's day.

"Got a date with Tina."

"Tina? She's been around a bit longer than other girls, hasn't she?" Declan smiled at his sandwich.

"Yeah. I really like her. Hope I don't fuck it up somehow."

"With the McQueens you never know what will happen." Declan glared at him. "I just mean...be careful, Dec. I don't want you to get caught up in something you can't handle."

"Not you, dad. I won't get her pregnant and be forced into a loveless marriage."

"Declan." Brendan sighed and walked over to his son. "I want you to remember that I love your ma to this day very much. And I'm glad you don't want to repeat the same mistakes as I did. Very glad. I'm proud because you don't want to be like me." The teenager didn't say anything, just stared at his sandwich and ate in slow bites. "But where you come from is not that horrible either.” Declan shrugged and put the butter knife in the sink.

“I’m not ashamed of where I come from. I’m bitter because I didn’t have better parents.” Declan admitted. “But that’s not fixable.”

“No, it isn’t.” Brendan agreed quietly. Declan hung his head and moved past his father to go up the stairs. He didn’t know how to fix their relationship. He didn’t know if Declan would even want to.

//\\\//\\\

“This is so cute!” Mitzeee cooed at the small onesie for the baby. Lynsey went out of her way and bought it for her in Manchester. She went on a weekend getaway with Doug there and came back announcing she would plan Mitzeee’s baby shower.

Mitzeee of course announced that Brendan would do it as that was his role but the man snorted and told her only if she were an imbecile.

Which sort of offended her and she said Lynsey is going to be her new best friend. Which offended Brendan who said she was an ungrateful cow which offended Mitzeee who said she was not a cow but a piglet which of course resulted in a huge argument between the two and ended up with Brendan sitting in the kitchen staring at a massive chocolate cupcake he wasn’t allowed to eat. Mitzeee had the worst punishments for him.

“Brendan, don’t you think that’s cute?” She hissed at the Irishman holding the onesie in front of her face and waving it about. Brendan crossed his arms and glared at it from his seat in the kitchen.

“No.” He replied with a hiss as well. Mitzeee’s nose flared.

“Say it’s cute or I’ll bump you with my baby bump.” She warned. Lynsey staring awkwardly between the two on Mitzeee’s couch.

“Like I’m scared—“ MItzeee stood up and Brendan quickly put his hands up in defeat. “Okay! Okay! It’s cute! Bloody hell. Leave me alone, woman!” She sat back down with a satisfied grin. Brendan went back to glare at the cupcake. It was like a cake but a cupcake.

He pulled his phone out and started texting Ste. Wanting to get some alone time with the young man and actually missing him.

_4:01 pm_  
From **Brendan**  
To **Steven**

_When can I see you next?_

The reply came shortly after which pleased him.

_4:02 pm_

_From **Steven**  
To **Brendan**_

_Idk got l &l bbsitting duty all wk so @work?_

He could hear kids outside playing ball.

_4:03 pm_

_From **Brendan**  
To **Steven**_

_Not soon enough. I want you now._

Mitzeee threw a box at him.

"You're being punished. No talking to whoever you are talking to. It's making you happy." She narrowed her eyes with a knowing expression on her face but didn't say a word about who the recipient of Brendan's texts was. Nancy stared curiously as Lynsey hid a smile at how easily Mitzeee could command the Irishman who put his phone down which did vibrate a second later. Someone knocked on the door and it was his duty to be the doorman so he got up to find Carmel and Myra McQueen grinning as if they won the lottery with a box each in their hands.

"Alright, Brendan?" Carmel asked smiling sweetly.

"Move it or lose it, Brady." Myra said as she charged at the door, Brendan moving away instantly. "Right, Mitzeee. We've got you some nice things here for the baby." She said and sat herself next to Lynsey. "Our John Paul went to the city a couple days ago. He's got a real good eye for this stuff." Carmel stood awkwardly so Brendan gave her a chair to sit on from the kitchen. It was high up so she still looked awkward but she looked grateful at him in return. Mitzeee beamed at Myra and opened the box to reveal adult diapers.

"John Paul picked this out?" She asked, her smile somewhat faltering. Brendan snickered as Myra replied not noticing something was wrong.

"He's such a lovely boy, ain't he? And I've had a bunch of kids. Trust me. Those will be useful near when the baby comes. You'll lose all control over your body."

"The miracle of childbirth." Nancy snarled drinking her wine. Mitzeee looked at Brendan with horror. He leaned on her bookcase and nodded to Carmel's gift. It was a breast pump and a voucher for a spa treatment.

"I thought you could use some relaxation after the baby comes so I put that in there." Carmel smiled. "The pump seemed a bit awkward but it's really useful."

There was another knock on the door which Brendan took as intervention from a higher being. He opened the door to reveal Mitzeee's sister.

"Hi---ugh, it's you." Maxine frowned as she saw him and brushed past to get inside. "Hey, sis! Heard you was having a baby shower. Brought a gift." She rattled a small box in her hand. Mitzeee looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but in her flat at that moment. "Open it." Maxine chucked it at her pregnant sister and took Nancy's wine, drinking the entire glass in one go and leaving behind a trail of red lipstick.

"Who invited you?" Mitzeee asked ripping apart the paper.

"Oh, mum heard from someone and she would have come herself but after the way you embarrassed her last time, she doesn't want to see your face. So I came instead!" She grinned happily at everyone. Mitzeee finally opened the paper to reveal a DVD on how to get your figure back after birth. She stared at the plastic in her hand in silence and Brendan could tell what would happen next. As her best friend it was his duty to prevent it.

"Mitzeee, you got a phone charger or something? Mine is dying." He asked gruffly, yet tried to look nonchalant. Mitzeee didn't look up but nodded and spoke in her normal voice.

"In my bedroom."

"Yeah, go get it then. Last time I went in there you screeched at me for three hours straight for violating your privacy." She glared up at him but a hint on smile lingered on her face.

"Am I your bloomin' maid, Brendan? I'm giving you permission to go in now." He rolled his eyes playing up the charade but he understood the underlying message. She would be okay. He didn't need to come in and protect her. He grabbed his phone and went into her bedroom, lying down the bed. There was a crib still unbuilt in its box sitting in the corner of the room.

He looked at his phone and grinned as he saw a couple of messages from Ste. The rest of the baby shower, Brendan Brady spent in Mitzeee Miniver's bedroom grinning like a twelve year old in love and texting just as madly.

//\\\//\\\

Jacqui dropped a folder on Brendan's desk with a hand on her hip.

"I want a raise." She said simply and stared at him. Brendan was stunned and had no idea how to reply. "It's my yearly review. I want a bloody raise, Brendan. I basically run this club on me own. All the other staff are useless little lost rats that constantly come to me for help. I want a raise. I want what Walker was earning." She crossed her arms.

"Jacqueline." Brendan started out slowly. "I don't think I can afford giving you a raise at the moment."

"Bullshit. You can and you will." She sat in the seat across from him. "Or you'll be losing your beat employee, boss." She smiled maliciously.

"I've got do all the paperwork for it and that'll take time." Brendan tried to stall but Jacqui tapped the folder.

"All done. You just gotta sign, boss. Notice I left that for you and I didn't fake your signature like usual."

"Very charitable of you." He murmured and opened the folder, taking time to look over the documents and Jacqui tapping her nails impatiently on the desk. Everything was in order and he would pay her the same salary he paid Walker. It wouldn't hurt the club at all. In fact, he's been ready to give Jacqui that raise since she started working for him but he was a selfish git. Wouldn't offer it up unless she asked for it. "Alright." He grunted and signed the papers putting them back in the folder and giving it back to her. "Take this to Marley. He'll make sure your next pay check has the new pay." She blinked at him. "What?"

"Nothin'. Just thought you'd fight me more on it. S'all."

"Jacqueline, if you don't want the raise, just say so."

"I ain't dumb, Brady." She glowered and stood up. "Thanks. You know." She hesitated. "For not being a git." He nodded to that and Jacqui left the office. Brendan only enjoyed the solitude for a second before another person came into the small room. He smiled though as the lean figure closed and locked the door.

"Steven. What can I do for you?" Brendan grinned at the younger man who mirrored his smile and came around the desk.

"Thought I'd talk to me boss about something." Brendan's hand twitched at his title coming out of Ste's mouth. He wanted the younger man to call him that when he was fucking him senseless.

"Really? What's that?"

"Well. First thing, I wanted him to know how good I look on my knees but then I thought that might be a bit inappropriate. After all, he's me boss."

"Trust me, Steven." He reached out grabbing the front of Ste's shirt and bringing the younger man's mouth to his own. "He's got no problem with that." Brendan murmured before devouring Ste's lips earning a sharp gasp from him. Ste's hands held tightly onto the chair and his mouth worked together with Brendan's in a masterful work of art. The Irishman feeling hungry for more than just kissing, grabbed Ste's hips and forcefully dragged them to rest on his lap. It was awkward and uncomfortable and Ste would definitely get a crink in his neck but flesh against flesh tasted so good when it was just the two of them. When it was their mouth at work melting into one.

"Fuck." Ste gasped and pulled away for breath, shallow pants escaping him and his eyes boring into Brendan's who was just as insanely wrecked. He felt his pants getting tighter and entertained the idea of having the two of them fuck right there like rabbits but even though the door was locked, the possibility of finding them out seemed to scare his erection away. Ste's eyes dark with lust but it wasn't right. Not like this. The first time he'd have him, it would be spectacular. He didn't mean any romantic bullshit. He meant it would be the best fucking experience of Ste's life.

"I'll book a room. For the weekend. You let your little blonde lass that she's got the kids." Ste narrowed his eyes.

"Her name's Amy, Brendan." He reprimanded the older man who rolled his eyes.

"Tell _Ameh_...." Brendan mocked Ste's accent earning a light shove on his chest. "....to watch Leah and Lucas this weekend because you're spending it with me." Ste bit his lip with a smile threatening to burst out at any second. Brendan blinked and realised he just gave permission for Ste to tell someone about them. A part of him screamed to take it back. A part of him screamed to take his right hand, ball it up in a fist and silence that pouty mouth.

It was the part of him that he inherited.

It was his heirloom.

An innate disgust that Seamus Brady made sure to imprint on his son.

But Ste silenced that part by grinning like a kid and kissing him hard.

“I’ll make sure she knows my weekend is fully booked up.” He whispered giddily and kissed him one last time before standing up but Brendan pulled him back down not willing to part just yet. The younger man his for a few more moments.

//\\\//\\\

“You broke the bed.” Brendan said in a flat tone crossing his arms and staring down at his son and his girlfriend. Tina McQueen was staring at the ground whilst Declan was holding his father’s glare from the couch. “Fucking hell, Deccy. I know you’re a teenager and all that shit but to actually break the bed.” Declan blushed at that and looked down at the floor.

“No, Mr Brady. It weren’t like that.” Tina quickly intervened too embarrassed to look at him directly. “We were…sword fighting.”

“What?” Brendan’s mouth twitched.

“Well, I made swords for my art project and the drama club really liked them and wanted to use them in their production because my friend is in it so they thought they could use them for props and I asked Declan if he thought they would last and not break and he said we should test them and so we did but we got a little too into it and started to recreate a Game of Thrones fight scene and when I jumped on Declan to cut his head off the bed broke.” She said in one breath. Brendan blinked a couple of times trying to process all the information and Declan hung his head low with Tina fiddling with her hands.

“How the fuck do you two know how to handle a sword?"

“Tv.” They answered simultaneously.

“I think I would’ve liked it more if you broke the bed screwing.” He rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache coming on. “You’re gonna have to put your mattress on the floor and sleep on it till we get you a new bed."

“Am I in trouble?” Declan asked trying to sound cocky in front of his girlfriend but Brendan saw the worry in his eyes. He stared at his son for a beat too long.

“No, it’s not that big of a thing.” He could feel Declan's internal sigh of relief. “But since you’re a knight in shining armour or a moron in tin foil, you’re doing the dishes for a week.” Declan groaned and put his arm around Tina.

“I hate being awesome.” Brendan scoffed at his son and walked into the kitchen fully intending on giving him plenty of work in the sink. Cheryl walked in shortly after giving a small smile to her nephew and his girlfriend. Brendan glanced at her but she just walked past him, pretending he wasn’t there. Her appetite was back though which was really good.

“So, why exactly were you soaking wet the other day?” She slammed the fridge after taking out the milk, Declan and Tina scrambling quickly up the stairs with a mumbled excuse of throwing out the bed frame. “Chez, you can’t ignore me forever. Sooner or later I’m gonna do something really annoying and you won’t be able to keep your gob shut about it.” She sighed and grabbed a bowl, muttering something under her breath as she reached for a cereal box. “Huh?” She muttered something else that did not resemble any words he understood. “Cheryl, what in the hell are you on about?” She finally looked at him.

“Mercedes and John Paul. They _accidentally_ pushed me into that hot tub when I was talking to Carmel in Synergy.” She said with venom in her voice. “ _Accidentally._ ” She scoffed. “Right. The only accident Mercedes McQueen has ever done in her entire miserable life is put on too much of that disgusting spray tan.” Cheryl grabbed a spoon and viciously attacked her cereal. “Cow.” She mumbled under her breath. “Why do you even care, Brendan? It’s fairly obvious that you’re not interested in being someone I can turn to.” It hurt more than he realised. Her saying that. He felt it like a razor blade, he’s used on himself many times when he still lived with Seamus, cutting through his abdomen. Cutting through his throat. Cutting through his heart. His headache getting stronger. He closed his eyes and breathed for a moment.

“I’m seeing someone, sis.” He admitted. “You wanted to know that, right?” She stared at him with wide eyes. “It’s new. And it’s good. And I don’t know what to do, how to act around this person. In this…thing. But I know that it’s not something I’m ready to share with the world, Cheryl. And it isn’t fair of you to keep on being angry at me for that.” She closed her eyes and shook her head.

“That’s not…I’m happy for you, Bren. I really am. But I’m angry at you for more than just how you keep on pushing me away. You’re closer to Mitzeee than your own sister.” Cheryl sighed. “Brendan, I don’t want to fight with you and I don’t want to be angry with you. I want you to talk to me. I want you to respect that even though we were raised in Catholicsm, our faith is not helping me now. I want you to understand that.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the sink.

“Cheryl. There are things that I will never understand about you and things you will never understand about me. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t function as a family. I get it. You’re still grieving and you’ll probably grieve for the rest of your life. I…have issues and that’s not gonna change any time soon. The reason why I’m closer to Anne than you is because me and you may come from the same place but we did not experience the same childhood. And she understands that. But you don't. You talk all the time about me not knowing you, me not respecting you, me being a shit brother but have you ever for a single second thought that you are not the greatest sister either?" She opened her mouth a couple of times looking like a fish before staring down at her cereal. Her blonde locks flowing around her face. Cold air and wind hitting at the windows outside.

"I never considered it." She said quietly. Brendan shook his head and took a deep breath.

"M'not trying to get you to feel bad, sis, but the reality is that you constantly want and want from me but you give nothing back yourself. And you don't need to, I ain't asking you to but I want you to know it feels exhausting constantly being the only wrong party in this family. I wear the badge with honour 'cause anything to piss Seamus off makes it worth my while. But I can't be the one you blame and hate all the time."

"You're not." Cheryl said quietly, big eyes staring at him in surprise.

"It feels like it, Chez. I've got enough hate coming from Declan. I don't want it from my sister too." She bit her lip and looked down at the mushy cereal. It wasn't very appetising and her cravings subsided.

“I think we should go back to therapy.” She mumbled.

"Oh for fuck's sake. How is talking to a stranger about our problems going to solve anything, Chez?" He said frustrated and his sister slammed the bowl into the sink.

"I don't know, Brendan! It's a fucking process!" She yelled and closed her eyes taking a deep breath. "You make me so angry sometimes. Therapy will help. It has to. Because I want to stop feeling like this all the time. It's not fair." Cheryl turned away and started heading back upstairs. "I want my brother back." She said and he didn't know how to respond. He just wanted to give up in all honesty. It was clear that Cheryl couldn't change her view of him and he was too tired to keep on trying.

A loud bang upstairs drew him out of his thoughts. Brendan quickly ran back upstairs to see his eldest son's bed ripped apart and another piece of the wooden frame must have fallen apart causing the bang.

"Shit." He murmured as he stared at the broken pieces of the wooden frame that was totally not a metaphor for his life.

//\\\//\\\

His coat fluttered in the morning air with ice coldness piercing through everyone's skin but Brendan ignored the cold. It was nothing compared to the chill inside his body as he watched Ste and that Rae girl huddled together on a bench with Lucas and Leah sleeping in both of their arms. Ste was trying to conceal his donkey laugh but he couldn't stop his body from shaking whilst that Rae talked to him. She was holding Lucas who cuddled more into her arms. They made a nice looking family.

It was almost as if he couldn't draw his eyes away. They were stuck like glue to the scene in front of him. He shouldn't have stayed out. If he stayed in he wouldn't have seen them _together_ like that. He wouldn't have felt this stupid burn inside his chest. He wouldn't have the instant want of dragging Ste away and hiding him away from that _Rae_.

' _What's Steven doing talking to her? He said he was done with her._ ' He thought as he watched Rae lean into Ste and him putting his head on her shoulder for a moment. But upon further consideration, Brendan couldn't pin point if Ste ever did say that he was finished with Rae.

“Oi, you.” He heard Ste’s voice loud and clear coming through his thoughts and for a moment, he imagined Ste was talking to him but in reality, the younger man was speaking to his Amy who was walking towards Ste and Rae. Leah stirring up in Ste’s arms and jumping up onto Amy as soon as she saw her causing Lucas to wake up.

“Mommy’s back!” She yelled to her little brother. Brendan frowned. Ste never said that Amy would have been away. Why would he hide that?

“What are you up to?” Mitzeee came up behind him and nearly startled the Irish man. “Ooh. Spying on the lover boy?”

“No. Fuck off.” He murmured feeling annoyed.

“Do I look like I can do anything’ but waddle?” She snapped at him and promptly waddled forward walking past Ste and his lot. “Brendan! Catch me if I fall!” She screeched and he rolled his eyes following her. But in doing so he came out of his hideout and felt Ste’s eyes on himself however he refused to look at the younger man. He was already feeling mixed about Ste and looking at him would probably tell him all that. “BRENDAN!” Mitzeee screamed and nearly buckled but he caught her arm in time. “Brendan, it hurts.” She winced and he loosened his grip on her arm but she was leaning forward and panting heavily. “No, I think something’s wrong.” She groaned in pain and squeezed his hand tightly. “Ow.” Brendan frowned and looked her over.

“Come on, my car’s not far.” He started walking her there and Ste ran up to them.

“Mitzeee, you alright?” She shook her head and grimaced.

“Move, Steven.” Brendan growled and concentrated on helping Mitzeee walk who buckled after a second and nearly fell to the ground. The only thing keeping her up was Brendan.

“Brendan, I’m just trying to help.” Ste remarked and pulled out his phone. “I’m gonna call an ambulance.”

“No, I’ll drive to A&E.” Brendan said and picked Mitzeee up. She wasn’t the first pregnant woman he had to carry. When Eileen was pregnant with Declan, he had to carry her to a hospital ‘cause Seamus drove off with the only car there. Ste followed them calling to his family that he’d be right back. Mitzeee started crying on the short walk and Brendan fumbled around trying to figure out how to get his keys out of his pocket. “Shit."

“Wha’?” Ste asked with those big blue eyes even wider than usual.

“My keys."

“Where are your keys?” Ste asked as Mitzeee screamed again.

“My pocket.” Before he knew what was happening, Ste put his hands in his jacket and pulled the keys out opening the passenger door. Brendan put Mitzeee in the front seat and put a seatbelt over her but it just seemed to cause her more pain. He got in behind the wheel but he didn’t realise Ste was in the back seat until he pulled out of the parking lot. “The fuck are you doing?"

"Going with you." The Manc replied.

"Steven. Get out of the car." Brendan said quietly but Mitzeee screamed out bloody murder and punched his arm hard.

"Fucking drive!" She yelled at him spitting furiously. Brendan got to the hospital in record time, Ste running into A&E quickly and rushing out with a wheelchair and a healthcare assistant. They all helped Mitzeee get into the wheelchair whilst she screamed and yelled. A nurse asked her to calm down and tell her what was wrong but Mitzeee was in so much pain she couldn't speak anymore, just yell.

"She was just walkin' and her stomach started hurtin'." Ste explained. The nurse frowned worriedly and Brendan read her mind.

"The baby can't die." He murmured to the nurse who could hear him through Mitzeee's screams. "Please. She already loves it." The nurse closed her eyes and looked at the healthcare assistant who was staring at the ground.

"Get Dr Gretchen." The healthcare assistant took off immediately and the nurse turned back to Brendan. "We'll see what we can do." She said and took Mitzeee away to another room. Ste put a hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him, most likely, but Brendan shrugged it off and glared at him.

"Go back to Rae, Steven. You fit with her better." He hissed and walked after Mitzeee leaving Ste behind.


	16. And The Sixth Is When You Admit You May Have Fucked Up A Little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: pregnancy issues, language, nightmares, homophobia
> 
> YAY! I'm feeling good and back on track with this story. I want to upload a chapter every Sunday but life gets in the way so I don't know how probable that is. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!!

Mitzeee was sleeping soundly, knocked out on a day of screaming in pain and painkillers. Brendan was sitting next to her and watching a stupid sitcom from the ‘90s on the telly. They were in a room with Mitzeee on the bed and a lot of different pregnant women mulling around on the other beds. Brendan’s thoughts kept on coming back to the image of Ste with Rae and his kids. They were a perfect family.

They were what Brendan and Eileen should have been. Why was Ste even with her? She used him for her own personal gain. She played him and manipulated him to her own advantage to make herself feel good.

Brendan closed his eyes and tried to push the thoughts of Ste away. He had his own problems. He didn’t need any complications in his life.

“Miss Minniver?” A doctor yelled at the end of the room trying to figure out where her patient was even though he had a chart in front of him. Brendan raised his hand bringing the doctor’s attention to them. “Ah. Are you the father?”

“No, I’m her brother.” Brendan replied gruffly and shook Mitzeee awake but she was still in deep sleep. “What’s the matter with her?” The doctor looked at the chart.

“Nothing serious. Miss Minniver has a minor placental abruption. The placenta got separated from the uterine wall and the foetus cannot get enough oxygen. It usually happens in later stages of pregnancy and more severe however it’s easily treatable. Miss Minniver needs bedrest for a couple of weeks and regular checkups."

“What about the pain?” The doctor frowned at Brendan.

“What pain?"

“You’re not the doctor who treated her so you wouldn’t know. She was screaming from how much pain she was.” The doctor hesitated for a moment.

“Pain varies in different people. The exams haven’t showed any more serious problems. From my own personal judgement, it is most likely that Miss Minniver doesn’t have a high pain threshold.” Brendan wanted to punch the fucker. “Honestly, I’ll prescribe her some pain medication because that’s the best I can do since there is nothing that proves her pain is physical. And lots of bed rest. At least 5 weeks.” Brendan just nodded trying to keep his annoyance at the doctor inwards. The doctor watched him for a second before writing something in Mitzeee’s file. “I’ll be back in an hour to release her. Hopefully she’ll be awake by then and we can discuss this situation with her.” He walked away before Brendan had a chance to say anything to him.

“Prick.” Brendan muttered and leaned back in his chair, looking over at Mitzeee who was sleeping unconsciously. She seemed to not be in as much pain but it was probably just the drugs the hospital gave her. He put his hand on her belly lightly to not wake her up. He didn’t feel anything but he hoped little baby Phoenix was okay. Mitzeee wanted that child. She wanted to be a mother. She wanted to have a family that loved her instead of one that used her a cash point. His phone vibrated in his pocket. He rang his family telling them he wouldn’t be home because of Mitzeee.

Cheryl seemed understanding which was nice to hear after their relationship has been strained so much. Even Declan sounded comforting. Lynsey came to see them at the beginning of her shift and she popped in every so often to check in. He rang Mitzeee’s sister and her mother but they didn’t answer. He considered ringing Riley Costello as well seeing as he was the father of the baby but Mitzeee didn’t want him to do anything with it so it was probably best to leave it alone. Brendan didn’t even know if Riley knew the baby was his. His phone vibrated again but as he moved to take it out of his pocket, Mitzeee stirred whimpering slightly. She smiled at Brendan but her eyes were watering.

“Sorry, love. We must dash.” She giggled slightly and Brendan smirked at his best friend who was high.

“That was a shit joke the first time you said it.” She giggled again but a second later her face turned somber.

“Is the baby going to die?” Mitzeee asked quietly. Brendan took her hand in his and squeezed hard.

“No, Mitz.” He shook his head and put his other hand on her head, stroking her hair calmly. “You’re going to be okay and Phoenix is gonna be okay. I promise.” She smiled.

“What would I do without you, Brendan?” He thought about how much Mitzeee meant to him and how he would go insane if she didn’t exist because she saved him more times than he could remember.

“Probably stab Mercedes McQueen and be doing time for it.” She scoffed.

“She’d probably stab herself and blame me for it.”

“And you’d still admit to doing it because you’re a fucking good person."

“Probably.” She agreed. “Thank goodness you’re here to help me not do stupid shit like that.”

//\\\//\\\

“Why do you people like bunk beds so much?” Brendan asked as Declan climbed up to his new bed which was similar to the same design as Paddy’s and Joel's but in black. His teenage son grinned down at him whilst Paddy ran into the room and stared in awe of the new bed that Brendan finally finished putting together. It took him a couple of hours to do it and a shit ton of swearing but finally there was a bed on the top bunk, a small desk underneath and a small sofa which he managed with a shit ton of grunting to pull out. Mitzeee was staying with them as well for two weeks since there was no one at her place to take care of her all the time.

It was rather busy in the Brady household. Too busy in Brendan’s opinion but he was the one who brought Joel and Mitzeee over so it was his fault.

“Because I like to feel taller than everyone.” Declan replied.

“You’re me kid, Deccy. Yer gonna be fucking taller than everyone.” Brendan grunted and collected his tool box and the cardboard boxes taking them downstairs passing by Joel who came into the room and exclaimed at the awesomeness that was Declan’s new bed. The three boys immediately agreed they needed to build a secret base under the top bunk and maybe a blanket fort but then Paddy changed his mind to a pillow fort which erupted an enormous discussion.

Mitzeee was on the couch, drinking tea and watching the telly with Cheryl and Lynsey in the kitchen discussing something furiously. His best friend snorted at the sight of him. No makeup, her hair disheveled but she still managed to look better than most people in the universe.

“Shut up.” He muttered putting the toolbox in the cupboard and taking the boxes outside, breaking them down. He noticed Doug walking towards the club as he put the boxes in the rubbish bins. “Oi, Douglas.” Brendan walked over to him, crossing his arms and ignoring the cold air. Doug looked at him startled. “Alright?"

“Uh, yeah. What? What did I do?"

“Wha? Nothin’. Listen. I got a favour to ask. Kevin, watch him when he’s around. He’s been acting a bit off.” Doug frowned and fiddled with the door, looking uncomfortable by the request.

“Why are you asking me to do this? Isn’t there someone else? I don’t talk to him outside of of work.” Brendan stared him down.

“If you do me this favour, I’ll overlook the fact that you’re dating Lynsey when she can do a thousand times better.” The American’s shoulders dropped and his eyes lit up.

“Really? You’ll stop bothering us?”

“Unless it inconveniences me.” Brendan agreed and looked around the village. It was too cold for anyone to be out except for Tony’s son but he could feel someone watching. He spotted Ste hiding behind a tree and turned back to Doug. “You’ll do it?” The American nodded furiously with a happy smile on his face.

“Yep. We have a deal. A fun deal. Unlike the other deals we have had in the past—oomph.” Doug was cut off by Brendan opening the door and shoving him inside not interested in having a moment. Ste was still hiding behind the tree and even though it was ridiculous, Brendan’s thoughts were mulling around the idea of adorable. It also reminded him of when Seamus was walking home and Brendan used to watch from afar to wait until he went back out again.

Seamus often went out after coming back from work at his pub. The irony was that he went back to the same pub and drank into the night. Those hours between Seamus leaving again and coming back at night were often Brendan’s favourite. Those were the hours he thought of as family time.

He thought of going over to Ste but he didn’t know what to say to the younger man. So he just turned back and got upstairs to the flat where Declan and Joel were standing on chairs with Paddy on the floor crying in agony. Cheryl and Lynsey were sitting next to Mitzeee on the couch and watching the telly with her ignoring the boys behind.

“FOR I HAVE FALLEN!” Paddy yelled. “THUS MY BRETHERINS MUST TRAVEL!” Joel and Declan looked at each other.

“Paddy, we talked about this. You’re not allowed to use words and phrases that you don’t understand the meaning of.” The teenager explained and noticed Brendan. “Da’. Someone rang for ya but I didn’t get a name. They said they’ll call back.” The Irishman nodded and walked over his son who was on the ground crying about inevitable betrayal. Mitzeee walked up next to him and put a mug in front before sitting down at the counter. She was still in some pain but the prescription the doctor gave her, eased it a little.

“What?” Brendan muttered as he felt her eyes on him and put the kettle on.

“I think you need to talk to him.”

“Paddy? He ain’t hurtin’ anyone.” Mitzeee narrowed her eyes at Brendan and he sighed. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Anne. Let it go.”

“Just ‘cause you’re jealous, it doesn’t give you the right to treat him like trash, Brendan.” She hissed leaning forward and holding onto her stomach for dear life. Brendan glanced over his shoulder and noticed Declan eyeing them curiously but Joel quickly distracted him and Mitzeee brought Brendan’s attention back to her. “I’ve been treated like that too many fucking times to let my best friend treat someone he could potentially fall in love with, like a rag doll.”

“Shut up, Anne.” He hissed back at her with the kettle muffling out their voices somewhat. “I don’t want—"

“Too bad.” She kept on going. “If there is even a slight possibility of you finding happiness in your life, then I’m going to do anything in my power to make it happen. Even if you don’t like my methods, Brendan. You’re not the only alpha in this place, Irish.” She moved away and got up to move back to the couch. “Bring my tea when it’s ready."

“I’ll spit in it too.” He retorted feeling annoyed by her good intentions.

“No sugars, Brendan!” She yelled back whilst Paddy stood up to move out of her way and then falling back on the floor crying in agony over being in lava. Declan looked curiously at him one more time before jumping onto the bannister and pushing himself up, blowing a raspberry at Joel who glared.

“This ain’t over. You may be on another island, Brady. But you’re never getting off it without falling into lava.” Joel said in the most menacing voice he could master which was pretty comical with his accent and it made Paddy burst into laughter. Brendan’s mobile vibrated in his pocket but before he could look at it, Declan fell off the bannister onto the nearest chair breaking it. The ladies on the couch turned around. Lynsey worriedly looking over at Declan who was groaning and rolling on the floor but was assured he was okay by Paddy. His little brother kept on poking him and saying ‘ _You’re okay, you’re okay_ ’ every time Declan groaned louder. Mitzeee had her cackle face on but held the cackle in and Cheryl looked unimpressed at her big brother.

“That’s another trip to Ikea for you.” She simply told him. Brendan groaned just as similarly as his eldest child.

“For fuck’s sake.”

//\\\//\\\

The club was loud but he managed to lock himself away in his office and put a football game on. Brendan Brady didn't like the European sport because he wasn't good at it but he was a fan and the Irish liked to pride themselves on being the best fans ever. He remembered when he went with his mates to a couple of games back when he was a teenager. Whenever he went to Dublin during football season it was always a party.

He always wanted to take Declan since the teen loved playing football but the thought of returning to the same country his father was in, made his skin crawl. The thought of being anywhere near Seamus Brady made him want to burn it off. His office door opened and Ash burst in grinning at him.

“Whose fucking idea was it to do 2 for 1 drinks?” She spat her eyes wide and her grin just a bit too big. Brendan frowned at her.

“Uh, what?"

“Yeah, some intelligent idiot put out leaflets that we’re doing a special offer on drinks tonight.” She whispered coming over with that manic facial expression still on. “Guess what, Brendan. We’re selling more drinks than money we’re meant to be getting for them.” Brendan flashed back to Jacqui telling him she had a new idea and him agreeing to try it out without listening.

“Shit. Just do what we usually do. Water the drinks down.” Ash shook her head. Her hair flying everywhere.

“We’re out of stock, boss.” She cackled. “We’re out of fucking stock. We used up everything we had for this week in one night! How is that possible?!” Brendan rolled his eyes at her feeling annoyed.

“Have you checked the basement?"

“No, I’m a woman so I would never come to a conclusion like that.” He pushed past her, all the drunken students and went down to the basement where Ste and Joel were putting empty crates to the side. “I told you.” Ash said in his ear. “We’re out of stock. How the hell are we meant to serve our customers? It’s Friday night, Brendan, and it’s not even 1 am yet.” Brendan chewed on his tongue for a moment trying to think of what to do when Jacqui came down.

“Oi, why is all the staff here? We’ve got a club to run.” She moved and looked at the crates. “What’s going on?"

“We’re out of stock.” Ste said crossing his arms.

“Wha’?” Jacqui looked at him gobsmacked. “That’s not possible. We had a full supply. Two week’s worth.”

“Well, someone approved a 2 for 1 deal.” Ash said once more annoyed. “The fuck are we gonna do?”

“Ash, shut the fuck up. Go upstairs with Joel and say that we’re shutting down early due to a gas leak.” Brendan told her looking at the empty crates trying to think. “Get everyone who is not staff out. Now.” She made a face at him but went up with Joel following. “Jacqui. Was your idea the 2 for 1 offer?”

“No. I said I wanted to do ‘80s night, remember? Me mum suggested it.” Jacqui put her hand on her hip. “You made that rude joke about her being an ‘80s diva.” Brendan cocked his head to the side watching Ste who seemed amused by Jacqui’s explanation.

“Steven. Who got down here first?” Brendan asked him hearing the music upstairs turn off and Ash’s announcement. “You, Ash or Joel?"

“Me and Joel, I think.” Ste replied shortly.

“Was the door unlocked? Opened?” The Mancunian shook his head.

“No, it was locked like usual. The key was—“ Ste cut off shortly and his eyes glazed over with a memory. “The key was behind the till instead of next to the sink like usual. Does that matter?” Jacqui and Brendan had the exact same thought.

“Fuck.”

“Someone stole our stock."

“Who could steal crates of stock without us noticing from our basement?” He looked at her and she raised her eyebrow at him. “No. Jacqueline, it could not have been Walker.” She scoffed and leaned back on the wall observing him.

“Why not? Give me one good reason why someone you screwed over would not want to fuck you up.”

“Because Walker is dead and how do you figure I screwed him over?” Jacqueline McQueen was a lot of things but she wasn’t stupid. She always knew that Brendan and Walker had secrets between them but she stayed out of it because she had enough drama with her own family. But Brendan would never admit anything to her. Jacqui was a lot of things. But not stupid.

“You telling me you had nothing to do with his arrest? How do you know he’s dead?”

“Am I needed here?” Ste interjected with boredom in his voice. Brendan glanced at him, itching to go over and touch the golden skin, press the boy against the wall and get his mouth on him but the picture of Rae with him worked better than a cold shower to keep him at bay.

“No.” Jacqui answered for him. “Get upstairs, get everyone out and then you’re on mop duty.” Ste walked past them, ignoring Brendan and slamming the door behind him. “Boy has attitude problems, Brendan. Maybe you should train him a little more.” They stared at each other in silence, the sounds upstairs muffled by the closed door to a very low volume. He felt dread build up in his chest. Jacqui couldn’t betray him. She had high standards.

“How much do you know?” He asked her. Jacqui played with her long ponytail, bringing her silky smooth hair over her shoulder.

“Just that Walker had it out for you and you’ve been eyeing Ste the way Merc eyes Riley.” She blew on her nails and smiled at him, maintaining eye contact. “You’ve been wanting to get rid of Walker for a while now. Maybe he’s exacting revenge from beyond the grave. I do believe in ghosts, very much.”

“It’s not Walker.” Brendan told her. He didn’t feel anything anymore at the mention of the other man’s name. It was nice. Not feeling guilty over him. Jacqui stayed quiet, curious with what Brendan was thinking. The Irishman leaned against the wall. “It’s…It’s Danny Houston.” Jacqui stood up straight at the name and her eyes widened in fear.

“That’s a really stupid joke, Brendan.” She whispered.

“S’not a joke. Went to see Warren a couple weeks back. He told me. They moved Danny back here. He’s the one messing with my club.” The atmosphere in the basement changed completely as Jacqui’s breathing changed and she started pacing, not taking her eyes off Brendan.

“He cannot be back. You promised me that he was out of me life. You promised you’d protect me.” She started rambling furiously in a whisper.

“He’s not getting out. But he managed to hire people to mess with me. Kevin is one of his.” Her eyes nearly bulged out of her skull.

“What? He’s fucking working here, Brendan!”

“I managed to get him off me. Feel bad for the kid. He only got involved with Danny because of me.”

“Everyone gets involved with Danny because of you!” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “If he finds out about you and Ste….” Jacqui looked at him pleadingly. “I don’t want another dead body on my hands, Brendan. Fix it.”

“I will. Don’t worry. I’m gonna protect everyone.” He reassured her. Satisfied, Jacqui left the basement and went upstairs leaving Brendan alone in the basement with his thoughts. “That’s a man’s job.”

//\\\//\\\

"Scurried around, Brenda? Little whore is what you are." His father's voice was speaking at him in the shadows. "Good for nothing, wee girl. Pathetic excuse for a son."

"Ain't he just delicious?" Walker's face appeared. Hauntingly white in the darkness. "Could make him moan like no one else." The face grimaced itself into Seamus.

"Yer make a noise and you'll regret it, boy." Seamus sneered. "I will make you pay, yer little bitch."

All of the sudden the face turned into a little girl's with brown hair, warm smile and blue eyes. She was his daughter but she wasn't.

"Why did you let me die, daddy?" The girl asked in a small voice. "Why did you let them kill me? You were my daddy. You were meant to protect me." Seamus appeared next to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"A man's job is to have a family and take care of them." The little girl turned into an eight year old version of Brendan who was shaking under his father's touch. Seamus smiled a malicious grin, his face twisting into an almost devil like expression. "And a child's job is to make their parent happy. You love being a whore, Brenda."

Brendan shot up in his seat as someone shook him awake saying that he was yelling something. He blinked the sweat away and wiped it from his eyes before he took in his reality. He was in his office at the club, spend the entire night looking at the surveillance from their cctv to figure out who took their stock. It was a random student he didn't recognise.

Blue eyes were focused on him and plush lips moving in talking motion. Brendan rubbed his eyes again and tried to focus on his surroundings.

"It was proper scary. You were yelling but not like words.” The person in front of him sounded frantic. “It was like you were in pain or something.” Brendan took his hand and pulled him towards himself.

“Thank you, Steven.” He murmured as he put his hands around the younger man. Ste seemed rigid at first but in a second his body relaxed and he hugged Brendan back. The amount of right the physical contact felt was something indescribable. It was strange because Brendan had a few physical encounters with various people and it never felt like when he was touching Ste. The younger man simply held him and it was like everything clicked into the right place. Like he was safe. Like he was home. It was more than anyone has ever given him. More than he deserved.

"It's okay." Ste murmured quietly in his ear and his hands stroked the back of Brendan's neck. "Everyone has nightmares." Brendan nodded slightly registering that his eyes were closed but he didn't pull away. He let himself want and have for a little while. He didn't want to go back to the world where it was all wrong. He didn't want to be by himself. He just wanted to forget everything. He didn't want to be the one to keep everyone together. He simply wanted to sleep. He didn't want to survive. He didn't want to protect. He didn't want the responsibilities. He didn't want any of this.

He just wanted Steven.

"Brendan." Ste pulled back from him and looked with a very serious facial expression whilst Brendan tried to hide the disappointment at losing the physical contact. "Are you alright?" The Irishman just nodded in reply. Ste sighed and smiled in relief. "Good." He pulled away completely and stood by the door, his expression changed to one of anger. "Then can you explain to me what I did so wrong? You've barely acknowledged me since Mitzeee's accident. I'm getting sick of yer games, Brendan. One second you want me, the next it's like I don't even exist. What did I do?" Brendan rubbed his eyeballs one more time. It was almost as if he was trying to push them further into his skull.

"Stop, Steven." The Irishman pleaded quietly.

"D'you just think I'm that dim that I'm gonna be alright with this? That I won't stand up for myself or summat?"

"Steven."

"Just tell me what did I do?" Ste's body language was on the offensive but his eyes gave everything away. They were nearly begging for Brendan to tell him what the Mancunian did wrong. But that was the problem. He didn't do anything wrong.

"I saw you with Rae." Brendan admitted quietly. "I saw and just...you don't need me, Steven. I'm not a good man. You need to stay away from me."

"Ummm...what are you on about?" The Irishman shook his head and stood up off the couch, turning his back on Ste and looking at his desk. "Brendan, stop pushing me away and just tell me what is going on?"

"We're an abomination." Brendan said repeating his father's words from years before. "We must give up temptation or we shall encounter the Lord's wrath." He turned back to the Mancunian who paled at the words and his pink mouth opened in confusion.

"What does that mean?" Brendan stayed silent just watching him. "Are you sayin' you don't want to see me anymore? 'Cause of some stupid belief that gays will destroy the world?"

"Because of my daughter." Brendan cut sharply not liking where Ste was heading. It felt uncomfortable being so honest. "She's dead because of what I am."

"Bullshit." Ste interjected pissed off. "She's dead because of Macca and your father! My stepdad fucked me over too but I managed to get my life together, Brendan. He hit me every day telling me I was worthless. Me mum the same. And I said the same words to Amy when I hit her. But I manage to be happy. I manage to live me life." Ste ranted and Brendan had to suppress a smile at the passion the younger man was producing. It was intoxicating and corruptable. "I love me kids. I would never hurt them the way I was hurt. I remember that I'm not the person they wanted to beat into me." He took a deep breath. "Your dad wasn't kind. I know that much. I know that all this abomination stuff didn't come out of nowhere. But I also know you, Brendan. And I know that this thing means more than you're letting on." Ste stepped forward. "I feel it too. I felt it the first time we k..." He hesitated before taking one more step. "When we kissed that first time, I knew that this weren't summat casual. I know that it's not your first time with a man." Ste admitted in front of him. It reminded Brendan of a time he played with Ste like that. Except the younger man wasn't playing. Wasn't manipulating. He was so sincere it hurt to look but it would be almost a crime not to. "I know that you and I...we're more, Brendan." He whispered bravely staring right into the older man's eyes, like he was discovering Brendan's inner thoughts with his gaze. Piercing through his eyes into his soul. "Please....don't let this end before we get any further."

"What would you like, Steven?" Brendan finally spoke, his voice cracked and his throat dry. "For me to end it when we're in too deep?" Ste's eyes flickered to the floor.

"It's too late for that, Brendan." His voice strained with pain and oncoming tears. Brendan's phone vibrated behind them however the Irishman didn't want to look away from Ste. "I love you." The younger man said so quietly that if the phone didn't stop vibrating, Brendan wouldn't have heard it. His heart beating a thousand beats more than usual. He imagined a scenario where he kissed Ste hard and returned the words. He imagined going home to his family and telling them about Ste. He imagined ringing his father and telling him he was a man in love with another man and hanging up not letting the bastard reply. He imagined a whole domestic lifespan in a matter of milliseconds but what came out as a response was cold reality.

"You need to stop, Steven." Brendan's voice sounded foreign even to him. "It's not natural." The younger man's eyes, already tear filled, looked up at him with pain and accusations of being the one responsible for it. "I don't know what you're waiting for me to say." Brendan walked around his desk and turned on the computer, sitting in the chair ignoring the younger man crumbling in front of him. Ignoring his own pain inside him. Ignoring the small part of him that was yelling in a muffle he was making a mistake. "Take a day pff today and tomorrow. Spend it with your kids. I expect you back at work on Friday." Ste didn't move straight away. His tears audibly falling on the floor. But once he did, he threw something Brendan's way. Something that was all too familiar.

"Yer a coward, Brendan Brady." Ste uttered and left the office. A mimickation of Seamus calling him a coward rose up in his brain. It was a word used too often to describe him. He grabbed the nearest object to him which was a mug with morning's coffee and chucked it at the wall, feeling satisfied as it crushed into little bits, some cutting his skin. It subdued his pain but his anger was rising higher like a phoenix from it's ashes. It was a liquid bubbling over out of the cauldron. And it was ready to take others down with him.


	17. I Want To Complicate You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning everyone
> 
> There are themes of abuse, talking about abuse, nothing in this story is meant to depict reality, it is a highly dysfunctional world out there everyone and let's not mix it up with this dysfunctional fiction. 
> 
> Also, this chapter is a bit shorter than the others. I'm not gonna lie. I'm loosing inspiration again and it's getting more and more difficult to write but I'm getting there. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!!!

"Joel, grab the cheese." Brendan read off the list. "The good one. Not the crappy shit that Lynsey eats."

"Oi." The Irishwoman hit his arm with the back of her hand. "Get both, Joel." She told the Scot who nodded and went off in the direction of dairy products.

"Declan, you're on cereal and milk." Brendan assigned the teenager who saluted him not taking his eyes off the phone most likely texting Tina McQueen.

"What can I do, da?" Paddy asked looking with longing at the trolley.

"You will push the trolley with your aunt Lynsey. You guys get this half of the stuff. I get this one." He ripped the piece in half. "Delegate everyone as you see fit. I'm not giving a shit." An elderly woman gasped outraged as she passed them by. Brendan sent her a manic grin. "Have a nice day." His son giggled at how scared the woman was when she walked away. "Don't act like me." Brendan told Paddy who was mimicking his father's facial expression.

He took off in a randomly selected direction and read through the list. It was easier to go aisle to aisle to find what they needed. Mitzeee was still staying in the Brady household but she was ignoring Brendan completely when he told her him and Ste were not going to happen ever again. She pushed and he explained how he pushed the younger man away. Needless to say, she wasn't very happy about it. She started calling him names but when he had enough he threatened to tell Riley Costello it was his offspring in her belly. She suspended all conversations with him at that point and honoured Joel to be her newest servant. It was quite ironic since she was nearly his stepmother once upon a time.

Brendan stared as the woman behind the meat stand cut through ham to get it into small slices. It was a particular disgusting activity to do but she executed it in a monotone style.

"Can I help ya, love?" She asked when she noticed him. Brendan took his gaze off the ham and towards her. A woman in her fifties who seemed bored with her life but the many lines at her mouth and her eyes told him she laughed a lot. She reminded him of Cheryl's mother.

"Yeah. Can I get a dozen of these kebabs?" He asked feeling like he needed to be polite to her. She smiled at him and grabbed the meat putting it into foil paper, passing it over to him once the label was slapped on.

"There ya go, sweetheart." She waited patiently as he walked away and returned to her ham slicing. He didn't even want any of these kebabs. His phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a withheld number that has been ringing h lately. Brendan frowned at it but before he could answer, a little boy ran into him.

"Sowwy!" The boy said and Brendan realised it was Ste's son when the little tyke smiled at him with a goofy smile. "Hi, hairy man!"

"Lucas!!!" A female voice was heard across the store. Amy nearly mowed everyone in her way over to get to her son. Brendan raised an eyebrow at the boy.

"Hairy man?" Lucas nodded.

"That's Leah's name fow you. Alswo, Paddy's dad." Amy finally reached her child and glared at Brendan as if it was his fault that Lucas got away from her. She grabbed the little boy's hand and tried to drag him away but he fell on the floor and wouldn't move a single inch.

"Lucas, get up or you're going to be punished." Amy threatened clearly wanting to get away from Brendan who had enough with his own family. He didn't need another one.

"Well, I'll leave ya to it. Bye Lucas. Goodbye Amy." He stepped over the little boy and moved forward into another aisle ignoring Amy reprimanding Lucas behind him. He found his teenage son holding a carton of milk in one hand and Tina McQueen in the other with his face stuck to hers. “Oh for fuck’s sake.” Declan broke away from Tina and looked at his father startled.

“Da. Hi.” Tina blushed behind him and tried to hide herself behind Declan’s shoulder.

“Hi, Mr Brady.” She said quietly. The Irishman took a deep breath and grabbed the milk from his son.

“Just go. On a real date. Somewhere nice.” He shook his head and gave the teenager twenty pounds out of his jacket pocket. “I thought you knew better, Declan.” The teenager grinned and turned around to Tina.

“Movie?” She nodded but still looked a bit embarrassed about the encounter.

“Sounds good. Thank you, Mr Brady.”

“Thanks, Da.” Declan copied and pulled her towards the exit whilst Brendan realised that his teenage son just orchestrated the ordeal to get money out of him. He’d yell and rage but he did much worse things to get money when he was Declan’s age so he let it go. After all, Declan was a Brady.

//\\\//\\\

Brendan was working on the new schedule rota for the next few weeks and making sure there was extra stock when Doug came in in a frenzy. His eyes wide and his mouth gaping open on and off.

"You gonna speak or annoy me to death?" The American shook his head and closed the door. "The fuck is it?"

"Kevin. It's Kevin. Brendan, listen to me." Doug stalked forward and sat at the opposit side of the desk. "He is involved in something bad. I saw him with some guys and he was getting a gun. I don't know why but he was looking pretty freaked out as well." Doug continued. "And I think he's high whenever he comes in for a shift." Brendan stared at him quietly. "This is the kind of stuff you told me to look out for, right?" Brendan nodded and pondered it over. It seemed that Kevin wanted to screw himself over no matter what. "Well? What should we do?"

“You, Douglas, can stop doing whatever it is you’re doing and get back to work.” Brendan told him and stood up. “You’ve got to get some more shifts so you can take my Lynsey out to nice places.” Doug paled at that.

“Y-Your-Your? What does that mean?”

“Oh, I’m just screwing with you.” Brendan grinned leaning on the desk. “If you think anyone could own Lynsey then good luck to you. But for now, just get the fuck out.” Doug didn’t wait a single second before he threw himself out of the chair and out the door. Of course he didn’t close it when leaving and Brendan could hear people outside. Jacqui was yelling at Joel and Rhys for messing around with the stock and Ash was talking on the phone with someone. Brendan could feel his headache oncoming. It was strange how foreign it felt to him. He realised he hadn’t had those headaches in a while. They seemed to have gone away for a short time but now he felt the headache coming on and coming on strong. There was only one cure for those headaches but it was too early to start drinking.

Cheryl has been hassling him to go back to therapy again lately. She has been particularly persistent about it and he had enough of disappointing people around him so he was actually considering it. It was surprising to him but having Mitzeee shutting him out had a bigger effect than he realised.

He didn’t want to think about Ste at all. He rarely slept in fear of nightmare of his father or memories of Ste’s mouth on his. His sleeping patterns previously consisting of 4 hours and a REM cycle have now turned to a couple minute naps where he managed to shut his eyes for a light snooze.

Not to mention the fact that Danny Houston had his eyes set on revenge on him. Brendan honestly could say with utmost sincerity that his life has turned into one major fuck up.

//\\\//\\\

"I want to talk about Nate." Madeleine said. Somehow he agreed to another session with the woman and his sister. "His death was a major event in your lives."

"He was my fiancé." Cheryl defended. "What is there to say? He was a good human being and that is all there is."

"How did you meet?" Cheryl sighed and folded her hands in her lap.

"Nana Flo stole his horse carriage." Brendan sat quietly on the other end of the couch. He heard that story too many times. "I went to visit her, she was poorly at the time. But instead of staying in bed like an ill individual, she went off and ran outside. Nate had a horse carriage business and one of his was outside and she just took it." Cheryl smiled lightly. "He and I argued the entire night about everything we could. Him blaming me for my crazy Nana but when we found her, she was laying on the grass, the horses nearly walking over her and I just went on autopilot. Calling the ambulance whilst he....Nate took real good care of her. He knew first aid and he held her so she wouldn't be cold. He was so good with her. He didn't even ask us to pay back for the carriage. He was a kind person." She finished quietly. Madeleine looked at Brendan who wanted to shrink himself in his seat on the couch.

"And what did you think of Nate, Brendan?" Madeleine asked. Brendan thought about throwing a comment about not speaking ill of the dead but one look at his sister and the memory of the man himself stopped him.

"I don't know." Brendan shrugged feeling like he was 8 years old again and his stepmother was asking him about his mother's death. Madeleine didn't say anything, just stared and Cheryl stayed silent not giving him anything to work with. "He was a good sort of man. He wanted to do right by my baby sis. That's a good quality, ain't it?"

"Is that what you think of as a good quality?" Madeleine asked back immediately.

"Sure." He responded not knowing anymore what was right or wrong when it came to family. "That's what our Da taught us." Cheryl nodded at that slightly but still didn't speak. "Look, I didn't particularly hate Nate and I thought that he was good enough for Cheryl. Hell, I even warned him---" Brendan cut himself off as a memory came into his brain.

It was Cheryl's engagement party and Seamus was there talking to Paddy who was squirming but his older brother sitting next to him, an arm protectively put around the small boy. He couldn't take on Seamus but he'd sure try. Declan never liked Seamus. Not since his baby sister died.

Brendan was far from anyone. He avoided the villagers and he avoided his family. He should have been protecting his boys but it was difficult when he was scared about his own skin. Seamus made cracks here and there that sent his son towards the bar and drown the horror he felt at his abuser being right there. When Brendan was thoroughly drunk, Nate was the one who came over. His baby sister lost in her own world of celebration and talking excitedly to their father. No one from Nate's family was there that night.

"You alright, Brendan? Maybe you've had enough." Nate said with a concerned but amused facial expression. The Irishman grabbed his shoulder and looked at him. He knew in that moment he had to warn him. He had to.

"If you two have boys, you'd protect them right?" Nate nodded, his amusement turning into confusion. "Good. Don't let him near 'em. You don't let him anywhere near 'em. 'Cause he will destroy everything and take away their innocence. He'll do it." Brendan said looking over to his father laughing over with Cheryl, Nate's gaze following. Brendan leaned in close and whispered in his ear. "He will take and kill them inside." Nate looked at him still confused but horror etched itself into parts of his face as he turned back to Brendan who smiled bitterly and went back to drinking. Nate never spoke to him about that conversation. Brendan suspected his sister knew nothing about it either. Which was good. Because it meant his sister was safe.

"Brendan?" Madeleine asked gently bringing him back to reality. "What did you warn Nate about?"

"Huh?" He looked over at his sister who was staring quizzically. "Just how bad of a cook Chez is." He responded. His sister smiled lightly and returned her gaze to the floor whilst Madeline stared at him for a beat too long. She knew he lied but she didn't prod.

"He always lied about my cooking." Cheryl said nostalgically. "Always said it was the best he'd ever had. Even Brendan's and he's worse than I am if that is possible."

"What you going on about? I'm an excellent cook." Brendan defended himself.

"You've given me food poisoning more than Eileen." Brendan crossed his arms.

"Name one time."

"My 14th birthday?" She reminded him. "The cake mix wasn't baked." Brendan grinned at her.

"Lynsey made those dumb cupcakes."

"No, you made them but blamed it on her."

"Nope. I just stood in the kitchen to make sure she wouldn't burn the house down." Cheryl's eyes widened as she realised that it was her best friend and not her brother who tried to poison her that day.

"But...but.... I blamed you." Brendan grinned again.

"I know. It made her so guilty she did anything for me." Cheryl narrowed her eyes and grabbed a pillow smacking Brendan in the face with it. Hard. Madeline didn't react at all audibly but both of them felt her annoyance in the silence. It was coming off in waves and as they both looked at her, her smile was tense and her eyes on the clock.

"Sorry." Brendan and Cheryl said at the same time.

"It's quite alright. I would like to return to the session however if it would be possible." The Bradys exchanged glances and their fun little moment of being a sister and brother ended again.

//\\\//\\\

“D’you think I’d ever get murdered?” Lynsey asked out of the blue. Him, Mitzeee and Lynsey were sitting on the couch watching a random movie. Mitzeee still not speaking to Brendan.

“Sure.” Brendan answered not listening.

“Thank you, Brendan.” Lynsey answered annoyed. “Me and Doug were talking last night about the creepy Silas and I had this theory that he is secretly a serial killer and that if I told everyone he’d kill me next.” MItzeee muted the telly and looked at Lynsey with all her seriousness.

“You know I’m related to the man?”

“What?"

“Yeah, Heidi’s my cousin.”

“And you and Riley had a relationship.”

“It’s a bit complicated."

“I’ll say.” Brendan commented. “I agree with Lynsey. Silas is one creepy bastard. Stay away from him Lyns.” Mitzeee glared at him but turned back to the Irish nurse.

“He is awkward. I don't particularly like the man either but he's me family. Distant family. But family. And maybe it is better to stay away from him for you, Lynsey. Just stick to your jumper loving American." Lynsey leaned back in her seat and smiled pleasantly staring off into the distance.

"He does love his jumpers, doesn't he?" She asked no one in particular. Mitzeee and Brendan rolled their eyes at her in unison. He missed his best friend but she wouldn't budge. "I'm really excited for Valentine's Day next week." Lynsey continued. "We've already been dating for two and a half months. Can you believe it?"

"Really? Feels longer." Mitzeee answered.

"That is very true. I feel like I've known Doug for years. It's odd. I've never had a relationship that felt so right before.” Brendan kept quiet as his mind raced to thoughts of Ste. He’d never been that increasingly interested in a person before, never mind a sexual conquest.

He wanted to know everything about the younger man. He wanted to know his history, he wanted to know his likes, he wanted to know what sounds Ste made when he was close to an orgasm, he wanted their kids to become best friends, he wanted everything.

Cheryl rushed into the flat with a huge grin on her face and a buzz of excitement.

“What’s the matter with you?” Mitzeee asked and Brendan knew from the tone that his best friend was finding his sister’s happiness immensely annoying. Cheryl rolled her eyes and perched herself on the couch's armrest looking down at the three of them with her eyes sparkling in a way they haven’t long before Nate’s death.

“I have great news."

“You’re getting a haircut.” Mitzeee interjected.

“You’re pregnant.” Lynsey guessed.

“You got the inheritance.” Brendan joined in. Cheryl just shook her head, the smile still on her face. It was nice. Different. Almost like his sister was back.

“Will you lot just let me get this out?” The three of them just kept quiet in anticipation of what Cheryl was about to say. “Bren, da is coming to visit next week!” Lynsey’s shrieks of happiness danced with Cheryl’s giggles of celebration whilst Mitzeee gasped quietly and horrified, her hand making her way to his arm and squeezing hard.

Brendan in all his numbness just stared at his sister.

And it all came tumbling down.

//\\\//\\\

“Pack.” His son heard first thing when he came through the door. Cheryl and Lynsey were in Tony’s coffee shop talking about Seamus’ arrival. Mitzeee managed to get the details and dates of his trip whilst Brendan was in earshot. She didn’t exactly know what happened in Brendan’s childhood but she had a good idea of it from nights of massive amounts of drinking.

Declan looked at his father confused, Brendan’s bag already at the bottom of the stairs and the Irishman bringing down Paddy’s to join it.

“Uh, what?”

“Pack. We’re going on a trip."

“Why?”

“Declan, one time in your life you can do me this favour and just do what I tell ya.” Brendan said moving past the teenager to the coat rack trying to find a second coat of Paddy’s. He didn’t have a destination yet. He just knew he had to get his sons away.

“What the fuck is going on?” The teenager asked not moving.

“Your grandfather is coming.” Mitzeee answered from her spot on the couch. She still hadn’t uttered a word to Brendan but they’ve exchanged looks where she conveyed as much support for him as Anne Minniver could muster up. Declan asked Brendan if it was true to which his father grunted a yes in response but the teen still wouldn’t move.

“I don’t want to go.” Brendan stopped short and looked at his son, startled. “I don’t know why you are so terrified of Seamus, da, but I ain’t. And I don’t want to go. Me and Tina are gonna celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s the first Valentine’s Day I’m gonna have a girlfriend for and I’ve got to study for my exams. I have things I want to do and I ain’t going.” He ended his small rant and went upstairs ignoring the fact that his father, Brendan Seamus Brady, was standing in his kitchen, absolutely terrified of what was about to happen with Mitzeee on the couch being silent yet the only person who understood the kind of hell about to come to Hollyoaks.


	18. Bad Seed Rising

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HO STUFF. THIS IS PURELY A FAN WORK. NO COMMERCIAL SHIT EXISTS FROM THIS.**
> 
> **_Real talk guys, I love Stendan. I love it. I love this story. I have it all planned out however writing it and putting it together is exhausting and as someone who loses motivation so much it is not easy to put this fanfic together and out. It sucks and I suck and I'm sorry. HOWEVER I AM NOT GIVING UP on this story. It may take me years to finish it but I am not giving up. It is my baby and I'm gonna do my best to write till I have told this story to the end. End of real talk. Cookies, anyone?_ **
> 
> **Warning: past abuser, ignorance, racism, homophobia, horrible stereoypes, theft, people basically being awful**

The thing about the Bradys is that they love to party. Just like every other Irish family. Parties are just their cup of tea. It's in their bloodstream. First you have Paddy with his kiddie parties, then Declan with teenage raves, Cheryl goes or used to go to the dignified meets with lots of champagne, Brendan liked to drink and cause trouble but Seamus Brady was another story all together.

Seamus liked feasts thrown on his honour. He liked big signs with his name around that his dutiful daughter managed to created and large cakes and beer and people chanting his name as if he was the champion of them all.

Brendan hated those parties. He looked over at Cheryl who was talking rapidly to Ash and Jacqui. She decided to throw her father a welcoming party in the club. Brendan allowed her to do so because she finally seemed to be excited about something. But he told her to not involve him. He didn't want anything to do with his father. He made sure to be working as much as possible for Seamus' stay. But this caused a problem for the other issue in his life.

Ste.

He saw him practically all the time. The younger man barely looked his way and ignored him but just the sight of Ste made Brendan pine. Brendan Brady was pining for Ste Hay. However no one besides Mitzeee was aware. Brendan was an incredibly skilled actor when he needed to be.

"Da?" Declan waved his hand in front of Brendan's face. The Irishman blinked and focused his eyes on his child instead of on the man he wanted to be with. Jacqui was counting the money from the tills on the other side of the club whilst Ash and Joel were playing cards with Ste stocking up what he could. Since the incident with stolen stock, Brendan has been ordering overstock to make sure they would be prepared for anything and some of it had to be held in the office because there was so much of it.

"What?" Cheryl put something in front of Brendan and held a pen out for him to sign.

"I'm talking about summer holidays. Paddy wants to go visit Harry Potter studios in Orlando. I wanna go somewhere that's not here. What do you think?"

"Bren, it's for da. Just sign." His eyes flickered again to Ste who was counting the stock in one of the crates before frowning and biting his lip in annoyance. Brendan shook his head and looked at what Cheryl wanted him to sign. It was a 'welcome home' card. Her signature was the biggest and most loopy with a long dedication to their father covering one side. Paddy just put a P and Declan an X under his name which Cheryl clearly wrote in. Brendan looked at the card and then at his sister with incredulity.

"Chez, I ain't signing this." She rolled her eyes.

"But why? It's just so he feels welcome."

"He **isn't** welcome. I don't want him anywhere near me or my family. The only reason I'm even letting him into my house is because you want him there!" His shouts bringing the interest of his staff. Cheryl crossed her arms.

"Can you stop being like this, Brendan? He is our father. No matter what." He chuckled darkly, images of Seamus coming into his room at night flashing in his mind. "Family is important, Bren. You're gonna change your attitude, ya hear me? I will not have you silly this for me." She pointed to the card. "Now sign." Brendan didn't move. Him and Cheryl having a silent battle of stronger wills. This time Brendan didn't yield like usual to his sibling's wishes. She blinked angrily breaking their staring contest and stormed out with the card. Declan groaned from next to him.

"Great. Now we're gonna have to deal with that. Why couldn't you just sign the card?" The teenager asked and followed his aunt out of the club. Awkward silence held with his employees as tense atmosphere settled. Jacqui cleared her throat bringing his attention to herself and nodded at the office. He figured she had something to say about his treatment of his family however as she turned to him after closing the door, her long hair slapping his chest, she chose an entirely different topic.

"We're short." She said.

"I don't know, Jacqueline. With them heels you're pretty decent."

"Think yer being funny. We're 500 quid short, love." Brendan felt his mood quickly channel from anger over his family into rage over his money being stolen. "I took a look at the safe as well. Someone clearly wanted to get into it. Thank fuck we changed the code recently." She run her hand over her head and down to her long pony tail. "I think it maybe more than just Kevin." Brendan crossed his arms and leaned on one of the stacks of crates. His black shirt's sleeves rolled up half way.

"You think Danny has someone else here?" She nodded. "Who?"

"No clue. But that's what he'd do, innit? He's put in Kev for you to find and feel safe with someone else being better at screwing with yer head.” She sighed and once again played with her hair. “This is not going away, Brendan. I don’t think we can just ignore it.”

“What do you suggest?” They stood in silence for a moment, crates of stock around and sounds of their employees chattering about outside the office. Their minds suddenly seemed to focus on the same thought. Jacqui wrote something down on a random scrap of paper.

“Meet me there at 12 tomorrow and we’ll discuss it.” Brendan nodded putting the paper in his pocket and she left the office. It would not be past Danny Houston or his minions to put their club under surveillance.

//\\\//\\\

Jacqueline got into his car and they drove off into the city. She thought it would have been smarter to talk about what is happening outside of the village. What he didn't count on was her bringing Mercedes and John Paul with her.

"They've got some shopping to do and they'd be banging on about it if I didn't let them come." She explained as she got into the car and proceeded to order him to drive. Brendan rolled his eyes at the constant ' _such a cow that one_ ' from Mercedes and the ' _I don't understand why people are so mean to me when I'm basically the next Jesus and the people's saviour'_ from John Paul. The guy had a way of getting under his skin. Brendan never understood why but he just wanted the McQueen boy or man as far away from him as possible.

"...you better be careful, Jacques, or yer gonna attract the likes of Ste. Poor Theresa nearly got roped in it." He tuned into the conversation when Mercedes brought up Ste's name. John Paul scoffed from behind Brendan.

"As if. If he's gonna go for another McQueen, it would be me."

"Wha'?" Mercedes croaked and even Jacqui turned from the front seat to look at her brother. "Ste's gay?"

"Yeah. He's been flirting with me like crazy. And someone saw him with a bloke in the city near one of the clubs." Brendan's grip on the wheel tightened and his knuckles turned white. "Apparently his kissed Harry as well one night. He was proper drunk and came onto Tony's son." Brendan's foot hit the brake slightly bringing the McQueens to jump forward with John Paul smacking his head on Brendan's seat. "What the fuck?"

"Sorry." Brendan simply answered feeling an oncoming smirk. "Told you to wear a seatbelt." Mercedes started going on about his poor driving but Brendan's mind was far away seeing images of Ste kissing the teenage punk who was nearly the same age as Declan. Jealousy had started to become a really familiar emotion when it came to Ste.

Once they arrived at the shopping centre, ' _Finally_ ' made itself into Brendan's brain and the two McQueens that tagged along disappeared within seconds leaving Brendan and Jacqui by themselves.

"Where you want to go?" He looked around and pointed at the nearest pizzeria that looked fairly busy so it would be more difficult to be heard. "Alright. Put your arm around me."

"Excuse me?" Brendan raised his eyebrows surprised.

"If you want to get a good table where no one will bother us, then we've got to pretend to be a couple. It's all about strategy, love." She put his arm around her shoulder and they started to walk towards the restaurant. "If we wanna be left alone, we've gotta be sickening enough that they feel awkward when they look at us." Brendan stared in awe at her as a thought like that would have never come into his mind. They got into the restaurant with nicknames like 'sugar' and 'sweetums' which got them a table in a corner far from the windows with a sight of the whole room. Brendan made a remark about Jacqui being one hell of a conniving woman. "Ta." She just replied. "So what do you think we should do?" The waitress came by and took their orders before Brendan answered.

"Whoever knicked the money, must have done it during working hours. We count them up at the end of each shift, during each shift and before. Was it short last night too?" Jacqui nodded, Brendan's hand intertwined with hers for pretence. They would have made a gorgeous couple if they ever wanted to get together. They would fit a lot better than him and Eileen. Jacqui's thoughts were often too similar to his. The both of them knew that when things got rough it was their responsibility to go outside of the regulated, safe lines most people relied on as their moral compass. "The thief must know we've found out." Brendan muttered.

"I've not told no one." Jacqui narrowed her eyes.

"Of course not. But I doubt that the constant counting of the tills didn't attract attention." He watched the restaurant as Jacqui tapped her nails on the table lost in thought.

“Why the fuck would Danny resurface now?"

“Revenge. It’s something you know about, Jacqueline.” She nodded and leaned back in her seat.

“I can’t deal with this. My life is finally going well, I don’t need this shit. I thought I was done with Danny Houston."

“You’re never done with Danny Houston.” Brendan admitted. “So what the fuck are we gonna do?"

//\\\//\\\

“Hello, hairy man.” Leah said as she bounced up to him. Paddy right behind her looking like a scared bunny.

“Hello.” Brendan replied with ease. Ste not far from them with Amy and Lucas looking over worriedly. "How are you, Leah?" The little girl sighed tragically and flopped herself on the bench he was sitting on. Paddy just leaned on it, next to her. He seemed almost protective of the little girl.

"Well, not very well. There is a girl in my class who is a mean bully. She keeps on pulling at my hair and says my daddy is a rat." Leah turned her tiny face towards Brendan. "You don't think my daddy's a rat, do you?" Brendan glanced at Ste before replying.

"No, I definitely don't." The small face lit up into a huge smile. "I like you, Paddy's dad." She frowned slightly. "What should I call you?" Brendan thought about it but he didn't know what answer the child would be comfortable with. He didn't know what answer he would be comfortable with.

"What do you want to call me?" Leah turned to look at Paddy considering the answer.

"Brendan? I like Brendan." She nodded at herself. "I'll call you Brendan." The Irishman had to restrain himself from smirking and making a smartass remark about it being his name. "That's what daddy calls you. Mummy calls you scum." Leah's eyes turned inquisitive. "What's scum?" Brendan couldn't stop a grin from coming onto his face.

"It's a bad word. Maybe mummy can explain it to you."

"Okay, I'll ask her." She hummed thoughtfully before speaking again. "Is it okay if I marry Paddy?"

"Leah!" Paddy seemed outraged and shocked at the question. "Shouldn't you be asking me?!" She nodded.

"I will." Her eyes turned back to Brendan whose grin seemed to be getting wider. "Well?" She asked exasperated. "I haven't got all day you know. Me and Lucas are going to make cakes with daddy." Brendan could see in the corner of his eye Ste walking over to get Leah and Paddy still shell shocked staring at his small friend yet glancing at Brendan also in anticipation of the answer.

"If Paddy is okay with it, then so am I." Brendan answered as honestly as he could. Leah clapped her hands happily and stared at her father who was inches away.

"Daddy! I can plan my wedding to Paddy!"

"I haven't said yes!" Paddy yelled once again but his shoulders relaxed as he heard Brendan's answer. Leah jumped off the bench and grabbed Ste's hand.

"You will." She replied walking ahead of Ste and pulling the younger man in front. Ste didn't even spare a second to look at Brendan. Didn't say a word. And that hurt. It hurt like a thousand needles stabbing Brendan in his stomach. But he was strong enough to appreciate Ste's arise as it was walking away from him. Paddy dropped himself into the place Leah occupied seconds before.

"She just thinks I'm gonna marry her." The boy crossed his hands over his chest. "I'm not gonna marry her. I'm gonna make her think I'm gonna marry her and right when it's the part we have to kiss I'm gonna put a lizard on her face."

"That means you'll still have to marry her to get to that part." Realisation dawned on Paddy's face.

"Oh." He slumped down. "I need to get a better plan." Brendan just patted his son's head in consolidation.

"Happy Valentine's Day, kiddo."

//\\\//\\\

Declan came home with a huge grin on his face at the end of the night. He had hickeys all over. Even Joel couldn't resist making a remark about it.

"Looks like something bit ya. A lot." Mitzeee snorted from the couch. She had a rather horrid Valentine's with roses from Warren being delivered to her doorstep and brought over to the Brady household by Lynsey. Lynsey who was over the moon with Doug treating her like a princess. Riley even tried to stop by to talk to her. He wanted to become a part of the baby's life since he found out it was his child. It was a loud and horrible argument ending with Brendan physically removing the man from the house as it was upsetting Mitzeee too much.

Needless to say, Mitzeee Minniver did not celebrate Valentine's Day.

"He looks like a chew toy." Mitzeee commented as Declan dropped himself on the other side of her. Joel grinning on her right. He's become somewhat of a caretaker of hers as well. Wanting to get her teas and blankets and things like that. He seemed to care about her and Mitzeee was not blind to it. She appreciated someone being nice to her just because. But she knew better than to let Joel in. She knew better than to let anyone besides Brendan in.

It confused them both how they managed to know each other so completely.

"I had a good day." Was all Declan said. In a voice Lynsey used when talking about Doug. Paddy came downstairs, took one look at Declan's neck and went right back up.

"What's his problem now?" Mitzeee asked.

"A girl made plans for their wedding." Brendan answered feeling slightly normal. "He didn't take it well."

"Well, of course. My Padraig ain't ever going to marry anyone. Who was the girl?"

"Leah. Amy's kid." Mitzeee's eyes lit up as she looked at Brendan.

"And Ste's." She smiled like she just ate a canary. "Well. That might be interesting to see after all. Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh, Bren?" He glowered at her as Joel and Declan looked at her in confusion. "Oh don't mind me boys. Just a pregnant woman rambling." She covered but still had that grin on her face. "When is the famous Seamus getting here?" Brendan felt like someone squeezed his insides at the reminder.

"Tomorrow." Declan replied. "Joel, you might wanna watch yourself around him. He doesn't like the Scottish." The Scot looked at the teenager with a frown.

"What? Why?" Declan shrugged.

"I dunno. He's a bit racist."

"Declan." Brendan said tiredly meaning it as a warning. He knew he shouldn't let the teenager bad mouth his grandfather however it was difficult to defend the man.

"Da." Declan replied in the same tone. "Granddad is a prick. I always get really protective of Paddy whenever he's around."

"How come?" Joel asked.

"No idea." Declan answered however Brendan knew it was because of Niamh. He tried to bury his sister in the back of his mind but certain events always triggered the memories. "But I'm not gonna run away just because he's here. I'm not a coward." The implication was strong here and clearly aimed at Brendan who did want to run. He wanted to take everyone he cared about and hide them in the tiniest corner of the world where no one would be able to find them. That's what moving to Hollyoaks was meant to do. "Plus Paddy had superpowers so we're all good."

//\\\//\\\

Brendan didn’t sleep a wink. Every time he closed his eyes, memories of his past haunted him. Screams from the fire, words in his ear. His innocence being taken away over and over again.

He managed to sweat and piss himself through the night as per usual and at three am he started his routine of taking the sheets off, scrubbing the mattress and placing the sheets in the washing machine. Almost waking up Mitzeee in the process. She still had the couch. Claimed it as her own as she felt the most comfortable there. Brendan figured he would sleep in Paddy’s room, let Joel bunk with Declan on the teenager’s sofa. His father could have his bedroom for the stay.

Brendan only had clothes there. Everything of importance was either in his sons’ rooms or at Mitzeee’s.

The woman herself woke up at five am and made herself some breakfast asking Brendan if there was anything she could do. He just shook his head, his voice locked in a familiar box.

Cheryl, for the first time in a while, came down the stairs around seven with excitement seeping off of her.

“He’ll be here any minute now.” She grinned. “You know, Mitz. Da may have his flaws but I know how much he loves me and Brendan. He’s always just such a joy to be around.” Declan and Paddy walked downstairs. Paddy in his school uniform, Declan in casual clothing but both boys wearing the same facial expression of being woken up way too early. Joel behind them yawning. “Morning boys. Are we excited?"

“For what?” Paddy asked rudely getting a bowl.

“For your granddad, silly.” Paddy froze for a moment before glaring at her.

“Why would I be excited for a cranky old man to visit? I have school, Aunt Chez. Do you know how difficult it is to not drop to the ground of sadness right now?” His older brother nodded.

“I feel you, bro. Yesterday was awesome and today I’m back studying for my exams.” Declan sighed over his bowl of cereal. “Why do I have to be intelligent?”

“You lot can cry over being at school, I’m gonna get ice cream and go back to bed.” Joel smiled. “I wanna meet Brendan’s dad first though.” The mentioned Irishman stood leaning against the stairs and counting down the seconds until he heard the knock on the door. He could sense his father was closer. It was like impending doom.

“Oh, did ya hear? Apparently Ste and Tony fell out again.” Cheryl said to no one in particular. “Someone said Harry kissed Ste at Tony and Diane’s rehearsal dinner.” Brendan’s mind went blank. “There was huge row. I only heard it because Frankie told me. I mean, can you imagine? Ste, Amy’s Ste. Gay. I would have never guessed.” Mitzeee’s eyes didn’t dare to move to Brendan who was frozen as a statue.

“So what?” Declan asked from the kitchen. “So he’s gay.” Cheryl batted her big eyes at her nephew.

“I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, love. It’s just odd. He’s got kids.” She tried to explain.

“Gay people can have kids too, right?” Joel asked confused. “They can adopt or do those tube things right?” Declan shook his head.

“You mean IVF. Yeah, men can’t carry babies because we don’t have the right equipment but they can have surrogates where they donate their sperm or they can adopt like you said or which is very likely in Ste’s case, have sex with women.” Paddy threw his spoon into his bowl making a loud noise.

“Can we not talk about gross stuff? I wanna eat my cereal, not throw it up.” Declan held up his hands in defence.

“Sorry, your highness.” The knock happened.

Brendan’s head whipped to the door as Cheryl nearly jumped to open it. It felt as if everyone in the house was holding their breath. Brendan certainly was. And there he was.

Seamus Brady grinned and walked in through the door hugging his daughter. The atmosphere in the house change from already strained to practically constrained as everyone watched the embrace with interest. Cheryl pulled away from her father as he put his hand on her cheek.

“How are you, my little girl?” He asked her and if no one knew any better, they would mistake Seamus for a concerned father. Cheryl shrugged lightly but her eyes downcast.

“Some days are harder, some days are easier. You know, daddy.” She smiled bitterly. Seamus nodded, his hand rubbing her back but his eyes glancing over the room.

“Well, is it just me or is there more in the Brady house?” Cheryl laughed lightly.

“Da, you remember Mitzeee. She’s a friend. And that’s Joel. He’s staying with us as well. Lynsey will be happy to see you too.” Seamus smiled.

“Ah yes, her brother told me to pass on his hellos.” The icy blue eyes he inherited finally made their way to Brendan who still didn’t move. “Hello son.” Brendan didn’t say a word, just stared at his father. “Ain’t you gonna give yer da a hug? Makes me feel I ain’t welcome.” Paddy once again hit his spoon against his bowl. He seemed to be the only one unaffected. Declan staring with wariness at his grandfather.

“I gotta get to school. Isn’t anyone going to take me?” Seamus looked at his grandchildren.

“Well, ya've got yer dad’s manners, Paddy. Not gonna say hello either?” The youngest Brady looked at the eldest with apathy before answering in the most monotone tone.

“No.” He walked past Seamus grabbing his school bag and his jacket ignoring Cheryl’s berating. “Da? I gotta meet Ahmed. I don’t want to be late.” Brendan held eye contact with his father for a second more before grabbing his own leather jacket and leaving with his son.

One thing he could depict from Seamus’ face was that the older man definitely didn’t like what he saw.

Oh yes.

If there was one thing Seamus Brady didn’t like, it was disrespect.

Brendan learned that the hard way.


End file.
